Just like Constantinople...

[cpfullofhope]

i think the fact that she is writting "confused" is a good sign. To me it means she is looking for answers and if she is open she will see you and the work you are doing to better yourself. But, you do have to be carefull not to put too much stock in that kind of thing. It's the rollercoaster and if you hop on it will be a bumpy ride. I make that mistake on a regular basis

So, I wish I was in FL but I'm in WA state. Not so fun....but I can imagine I'm in FL. Things here are OK, getting ready for S to start 1st grade next week and staying busy with work. How is planning for Vegas trip??? Still happening?

[notgoinggently]

Hey CP, I see that your on the exact opposite end of the country from where I thought you lived...oops! Well, first grade is exciting, first full day of school!! I am glad to hear that your keeping busy.

Vegas is actually put on hold because I just found out that I am meeting my brother and his family in Hawaii for 2 weeks!! He called me this week and told me that we have a house near Kona on the big island.

Even before that I was told that I have to go to Jersey for training. This could be worse I guess. I have never been to New Jersey before so it should at least be interesting.

Keep your chin up CP, someone in Texas is thinking of ya!!

[cpfullofhope]

Hey GG-
Well, I would trade two weeks in Hawaii for a weekend in Vegas anyday. That sounds great. Wonder if your W will be kicking herself for missing out on that vacation. I took my son to Mexico last spring and I know it was hard on my H cause it was the first vacation he wasn't included in. Shortly after that was when he stated to change his tune a bit in terms of wanting to work things out.

I've never been to Jersey before either. You'll have to work on an accent before you go so you can fit in. Whenever I go somewhere like that I always end up talking like them for a few weeks. Kinda funny.

Anyway, you keep your chin up too.....I'm thinkin of ya up here in the rainly NW.

[notgoinggently]

Well its been over 2 weeks since I last spoke to her...last time I saw her I was trying to be nice but some of the anger slipped through and I let it slip that I thought she has a lot of growing up to do.

My fault and I have already kicked myself hard enough for it. I texted her on Thursday one time and one time only, just to ask her what the doctors told her. She had an MRI done last week and got the results this week.

She has yet to respond so I am guessing she is mad at me. I am just in a bad place right now. I cant get out of the funk and now its getting worse because I cant stop thinking that everyone we know/knew is thinking the same thing...that the gorgeous woman finally wised up and got rid of the fred flinstone husband.

I am killing myself with this thought but just cant dig it out of my head right now...sorry to do nothing but complain today but thats all i got in me at the moment.

Take care CP, hope to hear from ya soon!

[cpfullofhope]

Well, we can't be all full of joy when our world has been flipped upside down. You are bound to have times of being down and feeling lost.

Just do what you can to put the thoughts out of your mind, because you know you are a great person, you have been working out and probably look great. You aren't going to be perfect in your interaction with her. All you can do is your best and keep trying to improve yourself and do the things you can do to improve your life.

As I'm saying all of this I realize I need to take my own advise. It is really the hardest thing you will probably ever do. It's sort of this process of learning how to move on with your life while you still have this hope in your heart that things will work out. But, you have to do what you can to get back to that confident person she fell in love with in the first place.

Get out and do something fun this weekend. Go see a hilarious movie....something.

[notgoinggently]

Thanks CP, I will try to get out and do something today. Hopefully you can take your advice and do something as well...I really hope you have a good weekend and will be thinking about you!
Take care and I will talk to you soon!!

[lonelywolf]

Going out and doing stuff is a must.

I'm not quite up to seeing movies yet (I haven't seen a movie without my wife or one of the kids for over 10 years). But I got together with my sister, and we've been working up a folk/acoustic music act and we've been performing in public. I haven't done that in over 6 years, and I can tell you that the practicing and performing have helped keep me sane.

It really is a wonder to go out and GAL (get a life). It doesn't really make all my pain go away, but it helps me cope with it. Eventually, I'll work up to seeing movies and going to parties on my own.

[cpfullofhope]

I took my son to a water park up here today and had a blast despite the rain. It was good to get out and laugh and leave my phone in the car and forget about the M for the day. Interesting that when I did talk to H he was so happy we had a good time and wanted to get together for dinner.

I think when I am happy and living life he feels like he is missing out. When I am miserable and depressed which is totally understandable, he is distant and uninterested. I tell you this just because I think it is the reason everyone says to GAL. Some days are easier than others, but it feels good when I can let go and live life despite the fact that my M is in the toilet.

[notgoinggently]

Thats great CP!! I am so glad to hear that you had a good time with your son. I am writing this to tell you, more than anyone, goodbye.

I am staring at the divorce papers that I was served today and find it ironic that I was reading Divorce Remedy when I was served with Divorce Papers!

I wish you all the luck and hope that whatever you want in life comes to you and yours ten fold. Thank you for being there CP, it meant alot to this lonely man. Good luck and Godspeed.

[notgoinggently]

well i finally got her to answer my messages:
(quick backstory is that I recieved the divorce papers last night and was kind of blind sided by this because we havent spoken in 2 weeks due to me trying to go dark and give her space. I would have expected her to contact me and tell me herself what her decision was.) So I left her a message last night and she never called back. I waited until after lunch today and sent her a text message, she finally answered back. Here is how the conversation went...

I asked her "can we at least talk?"

response "ok"

ME "so what happened over the weekend?"

HER "nothing happened over the weekend"

ME "so what made you decide?"

HER "I just finally made a decision. U kept telling me i needed to figure it out"

ME "Dont try to put this on me. This is NOT what I want at ALL. I want to work things out."

HER "I'm not putting it on you, I just dont have the want to work on things like you do."

ME "so i guess we need to find your 'want' then."

HER "there is not one to find"

ME "So what do you want?"

HER "to end things" (this one hurt!)

ME "Completely and forever you want me out of your life?"

HER "U know this is hard for me but I dont want to be married"

ME "So do you want me out of your life completely then?"

HER "If thats the way you want to make it"

ME "I dont want it like that, I want my wife."

ME(again) " I want my best friend"

HER "we have not been that for a long time"

ME "That doesnt mean we cant be again"

And thats it...she hasnt replied since then and its been about an hour since her last text. I am so sad but this conversation gives me hope for some reason...CP, LonelyWolf, am I clutching at straws or is there a glimmer of hope there. I am looking at the part where she cant bring herself to say that she wants me out of her life completely because I dont think she wants
that at all but again, maybe I am reading way to far into it...

Please comment and let me know what you guys think about it, I can use any help right now because I am falling apart quickly down here in Texas! Thanks guys!!!