Thanks for the replies. We are going to sit down tonite with all the feedback and work on a outline.
It should be very different for us, I have a little anxiety.
Sara, are there any tools from Retro that would be appropiate for this group?
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I am out of town for a few days, but will be home on Saturday. Please contact me via FB, and I will try to put you in touch with a couple who are a Retrouvaille leaders. They would be able to answer your question better than I can.
Women want to feel safe, and men want to feel strong. In the beginning it works because the woman feels protected and taken care of which in turn makes the man feel strong...
The downturn is after the initial romantic love starts to fade. The woman feels separated and starts to talk about the issues she sees (fears). This makes the man feel attacked and defensive of his ability to be a good husband / provider (shame) and he then withdraws or fights back, both of which exacerbates the woman's fears...
This could also describe the beginning and ending of an A.
or any R really.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Coach, I was at a M seminar and they asked for suggestions on what people thought a marriage needed. People said all kinds of things, honesty, God, fun, romance. Then the instructor said, all of those things are good, but what a M really needs is forgivness.
That always stuck with me.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I'm back home now and looking at all my Retrouvaille info. And it is overwhelming. There is so much, I don't see a way to easily encapsulate it. The best thing is just let them know that the weekends are available at low cost to anyone, of any religious background. The web address is www.retrouvaille.org. But, since it is hard to spell, they also use www.helpourmarriage.org. There is no need to wait until your marriage is on the rocks to go to a weekend. It would benefit married people at any time in their marriage.
There is a Post session on intimacy that if my H and I were presenters, would be the session I am most interested in presenting. They talk about intimacy not being just sex, but also confiding feelings with another. "Intimacy results from sharing ourselves with our spouse fully and deeply. This means honestly sharing who we are emotionally, intellectually, physically, and spiritually." The danger of an EA is that it creates an intimate relationship with another, not the spouse. That is an important point to make. Here is a list of barriers to intimacy:
Betrayal of trust/ Infidelity (not limited to sexual) Over-dependency Unforgiven hurts Fear of being close Fear of openness Self-protective behaviors Married-singles lifestyle Old, unfinished business Unresolved anger Withholding affection/love/sex Individualism Too busy Jealousy Indifference Criticism Aggressiveness Boredom Addictions other...
And they talk about keeping the sex alive and fun. If I were Greek with the women alone in a room, I would encourage them to have some sexy lingerie that they wear on occasion.
