Haven't been on in awhile. Feeling a bit low so thought I'd jump on again for a bit. Been reading and keeping up on old friends' sitches.
In a nutshell - D in 10/08. XW wants to be friends and I've somewhat reciprocated but don't open myself up to her. Just listen.
Got laid off in June. Now feel a bit of a failure, though I'm trying hard to keep a PMA. Just seems the cards are a bit stacked right now, I guess.
XW hired me to do some contract work. Has also asked to have dinner several times. What became apparent quickly was that she has no relationship skills but is a world-class woman professionally. Somehow, realizing this allowed me to totally drop my feelings towards her altogether. But I don't have anything to replace it yet.
Not sure what her motivations - she keeps wanting to bring up old times when we're together and she seems to want my opinion on things - but I'm using the connection to keep money pressures down and trying to decide what to do next. So far haven't got a single call back for an interview. Oh well, I guess. It's a bit hard to stomach, though.
Anyway, just needed to sound off. Some of you may remember me. lodo
song is, as usual, Patty Griffin:
She says I deserve much better than this It's getting pretty plain to see She tells her boss,"here's my butt, Why don't you give it a kiss- You got all you're gonna get outta me" Twenty years ago with time in a glass Graduation day to pave the way Nothing to show but a life moving too fast And a fear of almost everything And a fear of almost everything
But they say get down under these clouds I was born down under these clouds So I stand up and sing it out loud Someone's still alive under their shroud And I don't wanna die Under these clouds
Her momma tried real hard not to pass it along And so her Momma did before that Somewhere, some day, Someone's singin' their song How everything good goes bad And it really was a gradual thing Passed as easy as a cigarette You wake up one day wrapped in a ball of string Feelin' nothing good's happened to you yet Feels like nothing good's happened to you yet
But they say get down under these clouds I was born down under these clouds So I stand up and sing it out loud Someone's still alive under their shroud And I don't wanna die Under these clouds
And I guess what I originally wanted to say and was prevented from by the sudden posting, was that I feel stuck. Really stuck.
I go out and do stuff, I try to stay busy, but I just haven't met anyone I'd like to spend time with and now I have no job so am at home way too much.
Just feel isolated and a failure. I know it's only a matter of rebuilding self-esteem and finding what you truly enjoy but it all seems overwhelming right now. Anyone have advice?
Nice to hear from you again. It is good that you have lost the feelings about your XW. That in itself, allows you to move forward without hesitation.
I think that I can understand the being stuck you are in. Maybe you need to do some totally new activity or hobby.
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In the What box, type in NPS and then click the Run Search button. The pay may not be what you are looking for, but some of those jobs may be just your calling.
Take a look at What Color is My Parachute. This might be a time to start everything over for you, an opportunity to break the mold. And make sure to take a few days, at least, to revert back to "Summer Vacation" mode, like when we were kids. It will come around again.
Kerry - good idea but i think i'm allergic to uniforms and straight-brimmed hats
Hi karen! hope you're doing well
Donna, everyone keeps telling me that i'll look back at this time as the moment when life really began. As much as I keep telling myself that'll be the case, it's a little hard to believe.
just feeling sorry for myself, I guess. I have no room to complain at all - I got a severance package when I was laid off and I set aside some savings when XW bought the house, so I don't have money problems. I can't go out and live the high life, but as long as I stick close to my budget, I'll be okay for awhile.
Just wish I didn't feel so stuck and incapable of moving forward into something new. I could totally ditch my life and do something crazy, but there are things I want to accomplish and I enjoy living where I'm at, so I don't know. Maybe deep down I'm scared of change and it's holding me back. Maybe not.
Would be different if I could meet a woman I'd like to spend time with, but so far I haven't felt like dating anyone for more than a few dinners.
Okay, enough whining. I'm off to escalate the war with some ground squirrels that are burrowing under my tomatoes.
I don't understand the layoff thing. I thought you were in a Masters program. Did they give you the degree? I was unemployed for 11 months, but now I have found some consulting work in my field, and I am hearing about another potential project. So you may find some things you can work on. Keep beating the ground with the people you know.
I'm in a evening masters program for working adults. Am using the layoff time to try and finish up my thesis - should be done by october. I was supposed to finish last month, but I stumbled upon some research that completely changed my whole thesis and required a new chapter.
And you're right, things crop up. That's why I decided to do consulting work for XW - it'd be good experience, look good on my resume, and keep me occupied. I'm also doing some volunteer work for a non-profit and am doing my own side-project. the last 2 don't pay anything but the experience is good to have, i like doing it, and I'm hoping to get some exposure to new possibilities by doing the work.
