IM not totaaly sure if this is true but here it goes...
this mutual friends son 25 year old ran into XH and OW in blockbuster he was surprized to see XH with OW XH and that 25 year old used to fish together when boy was a teen..XH was nice to him..they were neighbors
NOw Boy calls XH Cell to see if XH would go fishing OW Calls boy back says we are getting Married NEXT WEEK we want you to come????
Boy told his mom and mom called me so they are not so reliable but I dont know why someone would make all that up? so Im feeling a little hurt about the whole thing XH said nothing to me about this Our 2 kids have never met her
If it is true, OW wanted me to find out by telling my friends son..she is so sick any thoughts? peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
If they are getting married next week, it should speed up the demise of their relationship.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Peace, I am sorry to say I heard about my x's wedding in a very similar way. I then had to tell our children. This was after the event tho. They have been m 5years now. I am so sorry for you but "if" it is true, nothing you can do about it. Yes they are sick, very! but your x could have done the decent thing and let you know first. Hard to know who is crueler or sicker! Don't let them know it hurts you. They deserve each other by the sound of it.
Does anyone know how to find out online wioth court if someone has applied for a Marriage License thansk I need to know if this is really true and I will not ask XH peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Does anyone know how to find out online wioth court if someone has applied for a Marriage License thansk I need to know if this is really true and I will not ask XH peace
If you really want to know, go to the court of your state and county and it should be there....... What good will it do you to find out though?
I asked MLCer if we could start therapy next week. Now he says NO. He will only do it by phone.that is a switch from last month. I told him that's not the agreement. I said SHE really controls you doesn't she?
Since this is part of the legal agreement, you have some power here. This is for the well-being of your children. You and your MLCer need to work together as co-parents. The OW has no say and no right to a say in this matter. When dealing with an MLCer accept that things will not always go your way and learn which battles to pick. This one is about your children and is for them.
Originally Posted By: peacetoday
I feel like OW somehow wants me to know about the wedding if their story is true. I also feel she is parading her victory around with this fax as if she has any place in our office.
Oh, she may be doing that. We cannot know for certain, but it is something that OWs do. Does it matter? Is it important, if that is the case, is it or how is it helpful to you?
Well, it may not matter. It doesn't change the circumstances. But the knowledge you can interpret can be beneficial--though understand it is mere guesswork. Supposing she is parading a victory... she is showing her insecurity in the situation. She thus is attempting to gain security by stealing power from you. If you let it bother you, her ploy succeeds--more so if you show that it bothers you.
It seems that this OW has been particularly quiet and allowed herself to stay in the background. I haven't like that. If this rumour--and please understand that it is nothing more at this point--is true, and it is also true that she's parading her supposed victory, she's finally starting to show her colours as well as her fear. It's about time!
But let's point out, this is a rumour from an unreliable source. Your MLCer has said he did not want to marry this OW--sure many may say that and change their minds. But I see so many who claim they will marry her from the beginning. He moved out and saw the OW in secret for a few years, and yet since he did not make claim of returning, it did not feel like the type of affair where he is trying to sneak around, rather it feels more like he was keeping it private and personal. But even so, if I were in-love, I wouldn't want to hide my partner, that seems an act produced by shame. I haven't seen him acting like a love-sick puppy. Rather I've seen a brooder who martyred himself for a wife and family he felt he doesn't deserve and who will settle for less, in fact he will make sure that what he has is less because he doesn't feel he deserves better.
Originally Posted By: braveheart
If you really want to know, go to the court of your state and county and it should be there....... What good will it do you to find out though?
Though knowing is not action toward change, it can provide peace of mind. In the beginning newbies spend weeks and months overanalyzing and questioning every little thing. What is he thinking, feeling, doing? Why Why Why? Some questions are completely unanswerable and others have speculanswers. It's the same here. Peace may only wonder incessantly if she does not find out and it can consume her. The answer won’t change the outcome, but it can help her to think of something else.
Also, knowing before the announcement can help Peace to prepare emotionally for her public response. Knowing ahead can allow her to grieve in her own private manner and to plan her next moves--how to tell the children, what to say to her MLCer and what to say to others who talk to her about it.
But Peace, you've said you are not Standing; though you've also said that if he wanted, you would reconcile. But the choice to no longer Stand feels a little more distant than Standing.
What is positive about a marriage to the OW? Well, in this case it quickly follows a divorce. Sounds like a rush job. This could be due to the OW pressuring or your MLCer trying to erase and start over quickly so as to forget--he thinks it will help him get over the pain of the divorce. Ha! There is the statistics; come on, you know them. Second marriages are more likely to fail than first. Marriages that start as infidelity are even more likely to fail. Most adulterous affairs don't even lead to marriage. Adding step children to the mix makes the odds of divorce increase even more.
From a Stander's view I love it when fools rush in. The faster they rush, the more likely they will crash. Let God take care of this. But this is sad also. It's reassuring for Standers, but it just means even more heartache and pain for the MLCer--it's just greater damage to his psyche as he damages himself and others. It's not a victory dance. And later, an MLCer may wish for his true wife in marriage, but given the increased damage of another destroyed relationship, he may be even more afraid to take that step--perhaps avoiding admitting such regrets to even himself.
No matter what, you job has not changed. The more you are Grace, the more likely she will be the opposite. That is not for you to create such a thing in her, but for you to let it happens--or not happen. Your job is to be Grace. Be love. Be protective of your children. Be forgiving. Be Peace. Be strong. Do these things not because they will be a crazy-maker for a desperate and fearful OW, but because they are the right and healthy things for you to do and be. Paving a safe path home is a byproduct of Grace, but it is not the primary goal.
Peace sorry that this is happening to you if it is true. It would fit the style rush in, get a D and then remarry. I doubt it would last, but it's probably more about him continuing to run rather than face the music.
You could check with the local court house. That would give you peace of mind if this is really true. I would probably find myself doing that, not that it matters, but then you know for sure.
It's amazing how they rush from R to R. Keep doing what you are doing. What other choice do you have.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Sorry you're going through this. I notice our timelines are similar and my X is also getting married. Their marriage announcement totally caught me off guard as X had commented often that their R wasn't like anything that would lead to marriage. Add that to the other factors (his 2nd, her 3rd, him no kids, her our two, constant fighting, his jealousy) uh, you get the picture.
Do what is best for YOU. Start thinking of him as a lost cause. If he comes back, fine. If he doesn't you'll be that much further along in rebuilding and claiming a life for yourself and your kids.
I wish I had followed my own advice in the above paragraph about six months ago.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
