The American Heritage Dictionary defines speculation as "Reasoning based on inconclusive evidence; conjecture or supposition."
I read how so many on this board spend unnecessary energy speculating about what your troubled spouse {and/or the OW/OM} is doing, saying, thinking, hearing, planning. Its nothing more than pure speculation unless you heard it with your own ears or witnessed it with your own eyes.
Please. For your own sake and the sake of your children stop letting your mind run away with this. Just stop. The more you speculate the more embroiled you become. You panic. You can't breathe. Your depression level sky-rockets. You spin. Tell me how this is a good thing. Please. Let your children be children as much as possible for as long as possible. They grow faster than one can imagine. Don't burden them by confiding in them or grilling them about their absent parent. These are adult matters that children do not need to be involved in to the extent that some are. Pick yourself up and concentrate on yourself. Do it for an hour at a time. Do it for a minute at a time if that is all you can manage. Each minute gives you strength for the next.
They are going to do whatever they are going to do in their time, NOT yours. Let it go. Live your life. You can live your life while doing no harm. Stop. Just for today, vow to stop the crazy-making. Use your energy to control the only person in this that you can. You.
You will get through this. I am positive of that. How can I be? Despite the low post count and my sign up date I have actually been on this board since September of '00. Yup. I am alive. I breathe. I live my life. I am happy. I am in daily contact with quite a few seasoned vets of this board who do the same. We all have the insight that one gets by coming out on the other side. We have all lived to tell the tale. We are your proof that it does get better and that yes, you will heal.
That's not the lights of oncoming train at the end of the tunnel, that is the promise of a fulfilling albeit different Life.
~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Great Advice swl