beepee Here, look at this. I got this email about two months ago.
ADB, I don't want to fix things.
That's the thing that is most sh***y, that I feel sh***y about, but it is what it is. I don't want to fix anything. Too much has happened, too much has gone on, and I don't want it anymore. No more "discussions".
We can still do things with son together. We can still do things together. But I don't want to fix anything. I'm ready for it to end. It already has ended and I don't want to start anything over again.
I'm sorry it's come to this, I really am. But it is here. And it's got nothing to do with anyone else but me and you. I am not in love. Being in love is super important to me. I am not. And too much s**t has happened where I'm not going to be able to get there with you again. We can be friends, we should be friends. Not just for son but for us. But that's it. It's time to go forward with the divorce. Tell me what you want and lets iron out the details and lets get it done.
I am sorry. Really and truly.
Of course, this sucked. But guess what, last weekend he said he wanted to work on things. So much can happened, but you have to stay calm or as calm as you can. You have to breathe and realize they say weird crap at weird times. All you can do is explain that you understand but don't agree that divorce is the answer in a very diplomatic NON-PRESSURING way. You have to say it in a way that you hope it can be worked out but recognize the possibility it might not work out that way and if it doesn't you are strong and sexy and smart and great enough to over come it. Which you definitely are.
Stand your ground with all the dignity and honor you can. And if you lose it, and you might, just start all over again and keep DBing.....even after that email, I just stared at it and kept breathing. I called a few people who know what's going on, my fellow DBers I call them, they talked me off the ledge and I kept moving forward.
And while the last almost two months have been much better, I would even say ok to great at times, I still have a LONG way to go and don't try to kid myself.
My best advice I can give you now....Act As If....act as if you KNOW he's going to want to come home and work this out. If you knew FOR SURE this will work out, you will save this relationship and create a new stronger marriage with your H, how would you handle things from now on? You'd be much more at ease, you might even laugh at some of the weird crap they pull during this confusing time, but you would be kind, caring and patient too. Act As If.
Thanks so much for all your advice everyone. i really appreciate it and i feel so much better now.
almostdone: thanks so much for sharing your story and email, it gives me GREAT hope to read that. im so happy for you that you have reached that point! it is very inspiring to say the least.
we have emailed back and forth after the email i received from him and i feel a lot better. i told him i understood how he felt and i know he needs space and i do too. he still insists that we are not getting back together but he says that he still wants me in his life and wants to be best friends, when time allows. i said i wanted that too and i told him that i didnt think us getting a divorce was the best thing but understood that i cant do anything if he really wants it. i told him that i still have hope that we can work out, i dont know if that was the best thing to say but that is how i feel. our emails ended in a positive note, he told me more about his life in these emails than he ever did since he left. even a bit of joking.
im glad the emails were positive, even tho he says he cant be with me anymore, they were still positive happy emails. i just need to be really patient. REALLY PATIENT. im gonna continue to have hope, i have nothing to lose by trying to make this work and i will be so happy with myself that i poured out my heart and soul into this, i wont have any regrets.
thank you all again for your support and advice.
Me: 25 years young H: 37 No Kids M: almost 3 years (anniv coming up Sept 25th) Together: 4years Bomb: June 12th, 2009
**LOVE WILL FIND A WAY FOR TWO FOOLS IN THE RAIN**
One thread at a time, hon. There are only so many hours in the day and you will limit the advice you get if you have more than one.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Yes. No contact today although I came very close several times.
I just replied to you on my thread "I feel like I'm in a vacuum." Go take a read.
I'm glad you responded over on this thread; you dropped out of sight pretty quickly the other day. I'm probably going to read and get some rest. Have as good evening.
M 57 W 52 Married 12, Together 14 No kids by this marriage 2nd marriage for both
beepee: I went back and read your earlier post. Does that mean that you just gave up your two week lead in the "no contact" competition? I know, I know: it's not a competition. Good luck with your hubby no matter how you decide to play it.
M 57 W 52 Married 12, Together 14 No kids by this marriage 2nd marriage for both
Thanks for the assist Jeff! And you are still handsome.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
