What a weekend! Had loads of fun and for the first time, truly felt like my happy old self again!! No anxiety, no thoughts of X, no sudden waves of sadness. Just feeling all around good and happy!!
Is this me detached? cause it feels feckin great!
So lets see, what happened over the weekend.. Well to start off with, my meeting with immigration didn't go down too well. They told me what my options were BUT I cannot do ANYTHING at all, without his Alien Reg. number which, I do not have since again, he has absolutely everything and there's no way at all he would give me his number. So at this point, I will let it go and forget about it, and if he manages to stay here, good for him, if not, good for him too. Right now, I'm ridding myself of the whole thing. He can do whatever he wants, I know what I was like in the relationship, I know whatever he says is not true and that is his problem. I'm leaving this M with dignity and grace.
After the meeting, I went to drop off the deposit for my apt etc and the place is just sooooo BEAUTIFUL!! I cannot wait to move in! I'm so excited to start packing and then decorating my new room! It's going to be excellent!
Yesterday, I went out with a bunch of friends to a festival and met up with an old friend that I haven't seen in seriously, over 5 years. It was great to see him, he was a neglected friend and I'm such an idiot for doing that. I stopped hanging out with him when I first met X and he got angry that I was doing that and stopped talking to me and we've patched things up now which is good, I'm very glad.
After that, we went to see a friend's new apartment and hung out there the entire night just talking and laughing. Great fun. Good company.
Right now, I'm supposed to be at a Baby Shower for my cousin but I'm not feeling too well (tummy hurts). I'm really not in the mood to talk to a million family members about my impending D either. And knowing them, they will hassle me and hassle me and I don't want to deal with that right now. They don't do anything but gossip anyway. I'm trying to stay away from all that negativity right now, I'm not strong enough yet to handle it in a positive way. Currently surrounding myself with happy, positive, fun people and its making a huge difference in how I feel!
Its feels nearly 100 degrees today and its supposed to get hotter or the next few days. Crazy! Anyway, hope everyone's having a great weekend!!
Me: 25 years young H: 37 No Kids M: almost 3 years (anniv coming up Sept 25th) Together: 4years Bomb: June 12th, 2009
**LOVE WILL FIND A WAY FOR TWO FOOLS IN THE RAIN**
Another great post! It does my heart good seeing you much happier than before. Keep it up!
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Thanks everyone! Felt great yesterday but got a little wave of sadness before going to bed. But not letting it get to me.
Not feeling quite good today though. Woke up at 8 in the morning with anxiety and stomach pains and fell back asleep and didnt wake up until now!! Not good, its already 2pm! So i feel like i've just wasted my entire day. But its SOOOO hot that I don't even care! hehe. I just want to sit in front of the fan or go to wal-mart and hang out there until the store closes so i can be with AC!!
But today I am heading to my C appt at 5pm and then going to ask my brother and SIL if they would be willing to take me to Wal Mart just to get some supplies for my new place as we all know itll be the cheapest there!!
So I may have gotten lucky with something. I found the only document here that has both my name and X's name on it and both of our SSNs as well. FINALLY!! some proof!! I hope having the SSN for X can be used in place of the Alien Reg they're asking for. So hopefully that'll work out and I'll make another appt with immigration soon to discuss my options further with this newfound number and document!
Me: 25 years young H: 37 No Kids M: almost 3 years (anniv coming up Sept 25th) Together: 4years Bomb: June 12th, 2009
**LOVE WILL FIND A WAY FOR TWO FOOLS IN THE RAIN**
What a beautiful day it is today. Not much to report back on. Only that I'm doing much, much, much better! But that is definitely something huge to report on I guess!
Have been keeping myself busy, meeting new people, having fun, living life again! For the first time in months, maybe even a year, I hung out with my brothers. We went to see a movie (District9). It was bloody fantastic!! Absolutely LOVED it.
Nothing new on X. Haven't heard from him, never received the marriage cert or harddrive that I needed. I haven't contacted him, don't want to. I'm moving soon and he hasn't asked to come get his stuff so I guess someone's going to be getting a huge donation soon. Or maybe I'll sell it and pay off some bills that he left me with. That will be his parting gift to me. Haha.
Have a C appointment today later, had one on Monday but she never showed up!! I was waiting for half an hour and they couldn't find her anywhere, paged her, called her. Nothing. Weird, hopefully she'll make it in today!!
Me: 25 years young H: 37 No Kids M: almost 3 years (anniv coming up Sept 25th) Together: 4years Bomb: June 12th, 2009
**LOVE WILL FIND A WAY FOR TWO FOOLS IN THE RAIN**
Dang! You sound like you have your feet under you again! You even hung out with your brothers! That seems huge to me, if I understand the dynamic there correctly.
Jeff, hanging out with my brothers was a huge deal because you have got the dynamics correct. So it was a big deal for me and it really made my day. It was nice, reminded me of the good old days when all 3 of us would go to the movies or malls together, before life got complicated. But I'm grateful for that time and I'm sure I'll be doing it again some time soon!!
So I've started packing (I never knew this day would come so quick!) a little bit but its too hot. Sweat is just pouring off me I have to take a rest after each box. Other than that, just been doing stuff that keeps me busy.
I'm a bit bummed. No plans this weekend. I think everyone's got plans with their significant others. BLAH. I need to be friends with more single people hehe. But thats alright, I'm sure I'll be able to find something to do.
Life is just going fantastic at the moment and because I feel so great about it, I'm so terrified of it all falling apart again. I know I can't think that way at all, its not good for me to. I just have to learn how to deal with anything that might come my way. Since I haven't had contact with X for awhile, I've been really good. I dont think of him as much as I used to, not nearly as much at all in fact!, I don't wait to hear from him, I don't snoop, I don't...care to be quite honest. What I do care about though, and what I'm worried about the most, is that I won't be able to handle it if and when he does contact me again.
At this point, I don't want to hear from him, I don't want to speak to him, I don't want to see him. I really don't. I just want to go on with my life the way it is because its so good right now. But I know how much of a struggle it was to get to this point and I am so much more protective of my happiness than I ever was before. I will never let anyone take that away from me again. I'm not fully, fully happy within, of course not. It'll take awhile to reach that stage, but I am happy enough for the time being, and there's no way I am even letting it slip away from me, not even a little bit. I just gets better and better from here. Contact or no contact. It doesn't matter. I have control over myself and anything negative that may occur in the next while will not impact my overall mood and happiness.
Even though my divorce wasn't "busted," I am still a success. I am choosing not to pursue the R/M anymore because I just don't want to be with someone who can do what he has done to me. Who knows what will happen in the future. All I know now, is that I want to have fun, be happy, live life, be young. I don't want/need X to be happy. So far from it. And I am so, so proud of myself for being able to say that and truly believe it.
Thanks to Michelle, thanks to everyone on the boards for helping me through this tough time. I will always be grateful and I hope people reading this will see that happiness, true inner happiness, is the most important thing in a relationship, in any relationship. Without that, you're relying on the other person to make you happy. That's not what its about. So when everyone endlessly tells you to GAL and do things that make yourself happy, please take the advice. It is the best piece of advice that I have ever received.
Me: 25 years young H: 37 No Kids M: almost 3 years (anniv coming up Sept 25th) Together: 4years Bomb: June 12th, 2009
**LOVE WILL FIND A WAY FOR TWO FOOLS IN THE RAIN**
Beepee you sound so wonderful! And when I saw your friend request I was happy to add you. You are a beautiful woman and it is his very big loss.
I hope you keep posting here so we can keep up with you.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
cause it feels feckin great!