just don't feel right about the sit today and honestly don't know why, there is no reason, nothing saying things are bad, just me today not feeling possitive about the sit, thoughts of ow in my head, thoughts of h still talking to and or seeing ow, thoughts of this all being a facade and h never comming home just dragging me along.
went to c session last night, on my way there h called on the two way (nextel cell phone function like a cb) "hey lady" so i ask him if theres anything interesting i could send along to c from him, he says "i'm enjoying the time i'm spending with you, and the time we are spending as a family and getting comfortable with that, so that is where i am" ok sounds good. h calls again shortly after i get out of c session, he is also on his way home. so we go out with mil and fil, eat and then bowl, they are an interesting couple to be with as they seem to be just now piecing their own marriage together... had a decent evening h did as well and said we should do it again "soon!" left this am kisses and hugs for all three of us. called this afternoon about aol account not working bla bla bla... he just seems distant... could simply be that he is busy with work and the expected bad weather this weekend is going to complicate his schedule. he is stressed by work and I'm sure that even though he does not talk about our sit it is stressing him as well. I feel horrible for thinking it but I wish ow would just get on with her disease and die. then the only question in h's mind would be if he can be a h at all and not who to be with. I don't think at this point h would choose to be with her instead of me, let's face the facts, she is ill, has her own two kids and no doubt would be even more needy than i "was" hell she had an ea with him... i didn't do that she is giving up on her h (for no good reason) i haven't given up on my h and honestly have good reason (don't I) anyway just feeling down today about the sit, doesn't help much that h has been getting here late (7pmish) but hey at least he's comming and not falling asleep when he does get here. i think i just need to realize yes there is a sit with h and I, BUT h also runs a business and that adds stress to his life and it is not ME that is causing his blaaaaness. LL
Good venting, LL. That's what it is. We all get this way. Heck, I think I remember getting this way before the "bomb". I just didn't question the soundness of my marriage then, I just chalked it up to a down day....
Different times, different reasons. Thing is, we all have ups and downs, and the only really big difference now is that our SO's have dallied with their OP's, so we wonder if that's the problem. Me, I struggle, usually successfully these days, to chalk it up to life in general, not OP's influence.
Hi LL, I didnt realize you were struggling so hard with your feelings. You came by and gave me so much strength, I have cut each response I received out and put them in my wallet to read when I feel stressed.
I think from reading your post that there is a good chance that you will be one of the successful ones. The fact that he is keeping in touch with you, doesnt want to change anything is good.
My H did the same thing he just wanted to be alone, he knew any connection outside of myself was wrong and didnt make him feel very good. Your H still loves you. He has just chosen not to at this time. Dont get wrapped up in what he is doing. Dont ask questions. Whatever is going on has to run its course. You dont want him home until it does. Just keep the home fires burning, make it a warm safe place for him to come home to. Keep the doors open, he knows how good he had it. Hopefully you can be patient a wait. Remember to use DBing when relating with your H and the rest of the time have fun and look after yourself. You will feel good again. Take care Loretta
Nice to see that you are moving forward at a quick clip. I have just read the postings in your thread over the past few days and my, my, my there has been real progress here. I salute you. Your feelings of yesterday are, IMHO, normal. You are merely taking stock and pausing before you continue on your marathon. Keep up the good work. You are becoming a real model to many of us. Perseverance, the ability to take hard knocks and still bounce back, maintaining a healthy and positive attitude despite your challenge - all very good things for everyone to see. So keep it up and we will cheer for you as you cross the finish line - hopefully in the not too distant future.
I see that you folks are getting together tonight. Great news. I hope you all have a great time. I am afraid I will not be able to join as I have a conflict. Much cheers to everyone and keep DBing.
Lostlove-It sounds like they were hard on you like they are on me,but I don't take it personally-I know they are just trying to get through my thick head what I should and shouldn't do. They see the big potential for a success here, and don't want me to blow it. I don;t want to blow it so I want them to tell me the way it is-the good, the bad, and the ugly-all of it. I hope Iam taking the right course in what I am doing. It feels like unchartered territory to me and foreign because its different. I have always wanted control, and I know to get him back I HAVE to let it go. Let him go. It's scary, Help me beleive I am doing the right thing by staying away from him and waiting for him to call me. I want to be with him, but more than that I want him to want to be with me. What part do I play? Do I do anything at all? Right now I'm not, and my gut tells me not to even as my heart longs to be with him. I hate that it takes so long for them to realize what they have. I hate the waiting for the call that has not come yet. I hate wondering what he is doing nights. I need to get over this bump in the road and move on. Racahel
