steph, it sounds like you are always there for w and sometimes hididng behind d to be there for w. w is a grown woman and can handle d on her own... when it is w's time with d leave them be, take that time to do things for you!!! if the time you have been spending with w has been at your request.... don't request.... don't call w unless emergency... if it can wait til a time when you are dropping off or picking up d then let it wait. live life for you and d, know that when d is with w, she is ok and you are free to go out and be the steph you were before you were superdad!! LL does that help any??
here's an interesting change.... before all this crap I would call h, get no answer call his other phone get no answer then beep him and be annoyed that i had to call so many #'s to reach him... think h has gotten a taste of his own ways with me now that i don't call and am not always available to him.... h just called... i was in the process of cleaning the playroom (again!!) so i didn't answer... less than 3 min later the phone rings AGAIN and it's him and i'll bet if i go out to my cell phone there'll be a call on it from him.... odd why call and call and call again???? he did leave a message the first time so wouldn't you assume i'd call back when i got it????
could be he really wanted to say hello to me or could be just checking to make sure i'm home and wont be in the area he's in to see ow??? naaaaaa! get out of my head bad little thoughts... well ya know the way i see it is hey if he is seeing ow then it is his problem and he will suffer (with his own guilt) because of it, I will live my life and be happy whatever h ultimately does.
LL
still no mention of wether or not he's comming tonight??? asuume he's not, hey then that way i will actually be able to read my book club book!!! plus i am getting tired of all the sex i need a break.
ok so even though i already had the general idea that h would not be comming here tonight it still bothered me, didn't really bother me that he's not comming what bothered me was the fact that he waited til 5pm to let me know. as if avoiding it. I really do wonder why h chooses to spend these nights alone in his appt eating canned soup (hey i just made homemaid chicken soup and grilled cheese) and sleeping alone when he could be here eating good food and sitting in front of a warm fire on a crappy rainy night.
I will still light a fire I will sit and enjoy it and read my book. I will worry not what h is doing or not doing (hell knowing him he'll be asleep by 8) I will enjoy my me time and hell i'll even enjoy the extra leg room in bed, (I actually had gotten very used to having to whole bed to myself and liked it) LL still but wondering how long it will take before h comes home or i give up.
My H and I have been separated for 3 months, bomb dropped June 1st, there is OW but he assures me she is just a "friend". (although he has told me he has feelings for her) He has said that there has been no sex and at this point I choose to believe him. He works in the bush all week and is only in town on the weekends and one day through the week. He stays at OW's house on the couch, so he tells me.(been there for about a month) She has a D that goes to school with our D.(13)
Quote: last night was nice but after a while I started to have the questioning thoughts of was his ea a pa at any point....
I too have wondered if it is a PA and not just an EA. I don't know that that would make it any worse, he is sharing an emotional intimacy with her that belongs to me. If it was just sex with "no feelings" it wouldn't be as bad. (it would still be betrayel and hurt like hell) Then again I don't know, it's hard to say until it happens. Just like I always thought that if my H betrayed me I'd be down the road, and where am I but trying to hang on to our R!
Another thing I thought of, my H (I assume yours too) has denied any PA and insists on it just being a friendship. Now they have said that they didn't want to be married anymore, although mine is at the point now where he doesn't know what he wants, needs time etc. My point is, if they really wanted out of the marriage and it is in fact a PA then why would they be reluctant to tell us? My thought is that if it is a PA the only reason that they would not tell us is because they are scared of rejection from us, scared of US closing the door on THEM. Another thought is that if a PA, maybe they're not happy with it, I don't mean not good sex, I mean they're not feeling as good as they thought they would.Just a thought, what do you think?
Either way in my case he has already shared intimacy with her in his emotions and to me that is just as bad as having sex with her.
My H doesn't want to split our "stuff" because he has a "feeling", doesn't want me to "move on", just wants time. What choice do I have if I want my M to work? But I, like you, have been experiencing doubts with all that has happened. One day (hell, one minute!) I want him back and the next I'm questioning why would I. I'm going up and down so much I feel like a yo-yo!!!
Tina
M 14 years, tog 20. 3 kids D-13, S-11, S-9. Bomb dropped June 1/02, sep Aug 11, living with OW since Oct/02.
ok, I mention ow from time to time because i mention ow from time to time, but when it is that ow really gets to me is when other people mention ow.....so that said please if i dont ask for an opinion about ow, what she was and or is or her part in the sit don't give her to me I don't like the taste she leaves behind.
last night a local friend ended up comming over for a while, she's currently unemployed and her h is away temp for work sooooo she ended up hanging out til 3 am!!! i didn't mind but i am exauhsted now!!
tonight should be interesting I have a c session at 5 (h still wont go) and i know c will give me the what is he waiting for in regard to his not comming home yet... honestly folks I'm loosing answers for that question with each passing day... what now are we waiting for???
after c session i will come home kiss kiddos goodnight and go with h out to eat and bowling with mil and fil... should be interesting I don't recall once in the past 13 years going out anywhere with just them.... I'm actually looking forward to it. even if it was fil's idea. LL
Hey LL! Sounds like things are progressing well for you. Hey, I'd love to hear more advice from you on detaching etc... You're pretty up to date on my sitch. Any words of wisdom? I can use all the help I can get. Thanks!
You really are a wonderfull person..and to think, since I am very quick to judge (note to me..work on this) I almost did not like you in the begining, after some exchanges on Rachael's thread! We may differ in opinion sometimes, but I have much to learn from you!
i need a break.