well it got locked. Sandi, I think you're right. Nothing else seems to matter to her right now. In fact it wouldn't surprise me if she is taking oM to see the rental. She doesn't have me going.
Well, I got caught reading DR and now I'm an Ahole for reading a book about divorce. Trying to explain it was a waste. Anyone else have this? Maybe I will just leave it out now, but I think that would be wrong.
You've had mostly good advice on your previous thread. I'm sorry for your latest turn of events. And like you said...Sandi2 is right.
Right now, it's time for you to go pitch black. You are going to center and regroup now. Focus on you. She can earn bits and pieces of your attention now.
Focus on a positive vent of your anger (a smidge on the board, then run it off, or lift weights or something), for a little bit. Then focus on other things. Give yourself about 5 minutes three times a day (or 4) then its over. Then you do things that are positive...good for taking care of you or the kids.Something fun or funny.
You are NOT building a plan right now. Right now it would be a reactive plan. We'll make goals later.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
The night everything hit the fan at my house was awful. I never thought I would have good feelings for my H again. I was wrong. I love him and see what a great person he truly is. But it takes time for WAW's to get their head on straight. I was so mixed up until I didn't even know myself any longer.
Be your best friend at this time. If I were not sitting in my home with my H of all these many years......I could not give you hope for your future, but we weathered the storm.
Don't let her see you angry. I thought my H was so ugly and hateful when it was "pain" he was feeling. I think some men come across as being angry when really they are hurting. You probably need to try to keep some distance from her as long as both of you are so emotional. She will try to make you out to be as bad as she can to justify her leaving. Stay cool.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hey Shocked, I just wanted to try to encourage you. I am by no means in an encouraging mood but you seem so frazzled today I had to say something. I am relatively new to dbing but I do believe when your W (or mine or any WAW for that matter) are being cold and "hateful" that they are reacting to their own confusion. Perhaps they wonder about reconciliation or having second thoughts about leaving their H and it scares them to death. They wonder why they should be feeling that way when they think they are so hellbent on leaving. So being cold, distant, hateful, etc. is their reaction. It makes them feel safer because it helps get their D 'train' back on track. Chances are it could easily derail again if you keep staying your course. The last couple of times I saw my W I remembered this so I wouldn't worry as much about what she said or how cold she acted. In fact the last time we saw each other she seemed a little 'softer' toward me. Unfortunately we haven't spoken in over 3 weeks but maybe that is a good thing. Anyway, I wish you well.
