We have a crisis in GucciLand. SIL and her husband have separated. We just found out yesterday. This apparently happened two weeks ago.
I am starting this thread to allow others to follow this situation. Many on this site have observed my advice and strategy to different people. Some seem extremely curious and interested in the methods I sometimes propose. I can tell that to some of you, many of these things hit home. I sometimes can sense people nodding in agreement saying to themselves.. "Yea, I have noticed that too in my life and realtionship experiences."
I can also sense (don't have to hit me over the head when you think I am full of it) that others almost grit their teeth and want to wring my neck.
This will give me the opportunity to give you the feedback of what happens without the influence of the person we are trying to help (the SIL that we love so deeply)(we love him too,but he is the WS, so we aren't worried so much about our love for him at the moment.) ;)getting so much advice that their heads spin. Having to follow and decipher all the "for and against" advice given and causing her to be paralyzed with indecision because of constant conflicting advice. (which is a huge problem on this site) Trying one thing one day.. then when her feelings change or she isn't getting the results she thinks she should get causing her to second guess her decisions. Despite that, I am still aware that others in her life will no doubt be giving their opinions on what to do, but at least it will be minimized. Mrs. Gucci will handle that area to make her aware of how to handle these types of people.
Don't expect a day to day or hour to hour report. That isn't how I opperate. I will try to fill you in on the developmensts as necessary. (yes, even if they don't reconcile)
The SIL (wife's sister) has asked for advice. Mrs. Gucci (well qualified I might add)(she hooked me in) is to meet with her next week. Looks like I will be a consultant.
Backround...
He told her he needed space He told her that SHE should move to their other house (they have another plcace that they own that was vacant) He talked her into moving even though she did not want to (we haven't heard that before have we?) This was before we knew anything. She is now in their other house. She loves the house he is in and does not want to give it up.
My take on that issue.. It is not a big deal. We will encourage her to get a lawyer asap and protect herself. Just because he is in the house has no bearing on who will get it should they divorce. She can fight for that later. She already moved so we will be encouraging her to start nesting in it and "be perfectly happy just the way things are.)Be happy and start making this a "home" Don't even dwell on that place. Turn it into a cute little home that reflects who you are.
Is there another woman? She of course already said that he says ther isn't.
WRONG.. I am betting that there is... And yes, we are going to tell her that and how to handle it and what is the best way to combat it.. (do any of you think that "social interaction will be in her future?)
The first steps as we see them at the moment....
Find out is she wants to reconcile. Get a GOOD attorney who specializes in these things. Fight for the house (let the lawyer fight for it) Secure the financial situation to protect her. Show her how to "let go" even if she doesn't feel it. Show her how to make sure if they reconcile that it will work.
I talked/cried to my brother shortly after ex said he was miserable and wanted to live the life he always wanted. My brother very matter of factly told me that there was another woman, and (..I quote,) "P^ssy is very expensive." I was shocked at the wording but over time understood the meaning.
I was one of those who never wanted to believe a spouse would stray, bolt and end everything. However it was great that I had very supportive and realistic friends and family to help me through it.
It's great that you both can be there in a positive way to someone so close.
WRONG.. I am betting that there is... And yes, we are going to tell her that and how to handle it and what is the best way to combat it.. (do any of you think that "social interaction will be in her future?)
She told Mrs. Gucci that he says there is NOT another woman and she believes him. (this was early in the meeting)
Later in the meeting.. "Well, he did hire a new secretary. I called him to tell him that I was coming over Wednesday night and he said he wanted to be honest and that nothing was going on, but he wanted to let me know that the secretary was making dinner for him."......
She is not going to contact a lawyer because she believes her WS will cut off her money totally if she does....
We found out she has been addicted to pain killers for quite some time, which may be one of the issues he had with her.
She seems to be doing quite well. He is doing most all of the calling and contacting. She said she is relieved and this feels like a vacation to her. She is not in panic. They are supposed to go to counseling soon. (his idea)
Mrs. Gucci dropped a couple of seeds, but realized that her sister is not open to our advice at this moment. She let her sister talk to her and decided to gather all the information that she could so that if her sister does at some point want advice (and is willing to follow it) that Mrs. Gucci will be prepared...
She told Mrs. Gucci that he says there is NOT another woman and she believes him. (this was early in the meeting)
Later in the meeting.. "Well, he did hire a new secretary. I called him to tell him that I was coming over Wednesday night and he said he wanted to be honest and that nothing was going on, but he wanted to let me know that the secretary was making dinner for him."......
Gee, what a surprise. (NOT!!)
Thanks for the update, Gooch. Have a great weekend; I hope everything works out well for her. She's in good hands.
I think JR could really have used your help especially when he was following your advice so much. I thought it was a little uncool for you to drop him like that after he pumped you up so much.
Just my 2 cents.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
