Detaching...

[Chel]

Time to detach, the D talk has subsided but H has made absolutely no attempts to change his plans for leaving next month and possibly all the D work may be just too much for him and I get the feeling H will just leave first. H has already lined up a place to live mid-August but I have already indicated I am not going to agree to using one attorney that he picks.

I cannot talk R because H's mind is nowhere near the land of reality so I find I have nothing else to do but Detach.

We both work together and our housing is tied to our jobs. My H would like me to stay put when he leaves. H feels they could replace him and I could stay here. I told H I had no intention of staying in the same job or asking my employer and board members to create a new position for myself.

For the process of detaching is it appropriate to tell H I am going to look at a couple of new places to live on Saturday and will be gone most of the day? Or, am I to go without telling H anything?

My H had a vasectomy this week and is still recovering. I did not want the vasectomy and told him so, but I took him anyway. The doctor told him he needed to come back in 3 months for a sperm check. I could tell H had not heard that before because he kind of turned white. H was planning a move to Canada next week. However, I have said nothing or asked nothing if he plans to keep that appointment in October. I did think though I would love to get the calendar and ask him if I should put it on the calendar - would that be appropriate?

Okay, let's face it I am such an emotional wreck right now and have not been talking R but have been a doormat and need to stop that immediately. I know I need to detach but I still so much want our marriage to work. My goal is to get him to agree to Michele's Divorcebusting intensive 2 day session but my window of hope is closing quickly and I am starting to kind of freak...

Any words on detachment would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks,
Michele
M 42
H 41
M 16 yrs.
Together 20 yrs.
No kids, 1 cat
Bomb 5/16/09
D papers unsigned on table

[peacetoday]

I see detachment as all the things you are doing
gal and not focusing on the situation
finding hobbies, friends new activities, mediate work out
volunteer
stay active and busy
practice being cordial with R with H not snooping into their lives ect
just getting on with your life and practicing letting go of ALL control of others only focusing on things in my hoop
Intensive is probably a great idea..You have nothing to lose at this point whenever you bring it up I would try to be as nuetral as possible
like maybe this could help us Be friends so when we seperate we will have no bad feeling? ect(even though we know thats not really what this intensive is for) sometimes I feel that they are so closed to any thought of fixing M,,,they are so past that already
good luck with it
peace

[a new 2moro]

I did not want the vasectomy and told him so, but I took him anyway.

HA....I wouldnt have taken him! Let him find one of those women hes in such a damn hurry to boink with no consequences