How do you know when it is over? when do you finally decide to hang up the gloves and look for happiness elsewhere? At the end of the day, arent we all entitled to it?
For example, my WAW said in MC that she is no longer attracted to me and has no desire to have sex with me...she said she went to MC to see if she can get it back but she cant guarantee that it will.
This made me feel like the fight wasnt worth it. The therapist said that you climb mountains for the people you love. I told him I agreed but you want to make sure the person on top of the mountain loves you.
Im curious of the WAW's out there...how do you "get it back" Do these people "snap out of it?" just for info i have agreed that i was part of the problem that led us to MC and have made a lot of changes, to no avail.
It seems like so many of our situations are alike....perhaps a few differences here and there...i find it odd...it is as if the WAW is a psychological condition.
BTW, I wont throw in the towel yet...but Im not going to be a puching bag either
Comments?
TR Rose T-10 M-6 H-39- W-36- S-4 D-1 Bomb 4/09 Blow up 8/09 1st thread 2nd thread 3rd thread
I am not a WAW...sorry. But I can tell you that people say the feelings are the last thing to come back. First they see changes, then after a period of time, the changes feel real, then the friendship will be rebuilt, then the romance.
Have you read Michelle's books? They say if you HAVE to have a timeframe, a good rule of thumb is 1 month of solid changes per year you have been together.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
I don't know that setting a hard timeline is a good idea. At a certain point, maybe, but not until some time with your changes has passed.
How long have you been DB'ing? It really does take time.
As far as what your W said, it is pretty typical of a WAS. You have to get to a place where you don't let her statements affect you - I know that is hard. A favorite saying here about a WAS is "Don't believe anything they say and only half of what they do."
I am not a WAW, but thought I would share my thoughts with you. For me, it was over when I realized I was fighting to save a marriage I no longer wanted...I had been fighting for it because it was "the right thing to do." I was fighting for it out of a knee-jerk reaction and without examining my own needs, feelings and desires.
For me, detaching and learning to turn my focus inward took a long time; it was very difficult for me, as I suspect it is for many people. Once I had managed to get my focus onto myself, a lot of things became clearer to me. I was able to see what I want from my life, what I need to do to make myself happy, what I am looking for in a partner in the abstract. With a clearer picture of those things, I started to see that my SBXH was not a person with whom I wanted to be in a relationship. Once I realized that, "it" was over.
For me, I think it comes down to looking at yourself, honestly and critically, learning about yourself and then being true to what you have seen and learned. My gut told me when it was time.
