NC with wife for one week

[GoBison]

The gym membership is not a big deal. We have a family membership and she has been paying half of it every month. The only thing would be that she does not have to pay for another initiation fee. She will switch it to her own credit card. If I go and just cancel it, it will seem more vindictive than anything.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I agree with the others. Well said, and don't pay for her gym membership.

Puppy

[v1olin]

Vindictive? How about this, "if you want to be divorced and on your own then get your own membership." It is a "family" membership right? She does not want to be a family. Maybe someone else can word it better than I can.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I would simply say "considering where we are at, I think it would be wisest if we began to separate our finances, and each pay for our own things."

[GoBison]

Everything we have outside of the mortgage, student loans and gym membership are separated. She pays me monthly for half of the mortgage, her portion of the student loans and her half of the gym membership. She has tried in the past to change the gym membership to her name only but was told she can't as I am the main account holder and need to make the changes. All I would be doing is when I call the gym to cancel my membership is to tell them that she will be calling in to set up on different credit card so that she does not have to pay another enrollment fee.

I have her pay me for the mortgage and the student loans as they are in both our names and I don't trust that she will actually pay them on time.

I do not pay for anything for her.

[GoBison]

No word from my Wife on anything. Not even sure I am doing the right thing in trying to save my marriage or even if I should be trying to save my marriage. I have been almost completely dark for 6 months now. Times seen each other 3. Talked on phone maybe another 3-4, emailed a couple more than that. She is still all about getting the D over.

Is there someone else I don't know I am sure there probably is. Without going back I had little to no chance of ever finding out. Went from bomb being dropped to her having her own place in 3 weeks.

Only reason for her doing this "She just doesn't feel that love she should". Mostly just venting here I guess. I think that I have done everything that I possibly could have to try to get her to at least work on our M. GAL, complete darkness, prayed yet not even a slight waver in my wife.

I don't want my M over but maybe I should just meet with her and split everything up and not go to mediation. Make it quick and get it over with. Just a bunch of BS as I was a good husband to her and this never should have happened. Really sucks having to go to my family and let everyone know what happened. Large Catholic family in a small town and divorce isn't even a word around there.

[GoBison]

On thursday we have Financial Neutral Evaluation (not exactly sure what that is). I am meeting with my L in a couple of hours to discuss how things will go and I will know more of the process then. So if there is an agreement on thursday the D should be finalized whenever judge signs off.

Not sure what else I could have done to stop the D. I let my wife go and she decided that this is what was best for her. The last I heard from her was on 1/5. It has been 8 mos post bomb and 7 mos since separation. Since then I have seen her 3 times and have had email/text/phone contact with her maybe 10 times in the past 7 mos.

Just so you know I am listening PDT I cancelled the gym membership without letting her sign up for her own.

[GoBison]

Met with L. Financial Early Neutral Evaluation (FENE) in MN is a new way to resolve D before filing. Couples meet with a retired judge or lawyer that handles the cases. They present him with their financials, history, case etc. The evaluator simply states what he thinks the judge would decide if the case would go to court. This is done most of the time before either party files and then they joint file or file with what the judge recommends. A way for the state to push through cases in a hurry.

My W's L is not a family L and has not done a D since 2006. So he has never even heard of a FENE and my L had to help explain to his secretary what it was. If she would have had a family L we would have done this several months ago instead my W is pissed at me for not settling directly with her and going this route. After the FENE is when parties go to mediation with a better understanding of what is possible. We have not done this FENE or even talked about mediation but her L is making me look like an arse because all I am doing is dragging it out. I have not done a thing to drag it out unless consulting a L and taking his advice (who is a family lawyer) is dragging it out.

As her L does not know anything about this new process they did not have any financials statements submitted which were due last week. So we are going in with no idea of their claims or her current financial status.

She also needs to make a claim personally to start out the process as she is the petitioner. I highly doubt that her L has told her that she needs to speak as he has no clue what is going on himself. So I am sure that I will be the cause of that and it will not make her happy.

[v1olin]

Who cares if she is unhappy with you, right? Do what is best for YOU. Did she have anything to say about the gym membership? Your wife sounds about as tough to crack as mine.

[GoBison]

Nope no word on the gym membership or anything at all. I am trying to do as Puppy says in dragging my feet but not being a horse's arse. Which I am but her L is telling her I am being a horse's arse.

It doesn't matter what she thinks of me at this point she would have to do a lot to get back in the M. But going into this without her L knowing what is going on or her doesn't really help when it comes time to compromise on things.

And she is quite the princess her way or no way.