how do I ask her about affair

[changed4good]

Advice please,
My WAW returns tomorrow from visiting OM 1000 miles away. I am 99% certain that they were having a PA, but I don't know for a fact. There is still that 1% chance. Do I just come out and ask her? And what is the best way to respond if they were (knowing that I would still like to save our marriage but that I will be crushed by the news). I fault myself dor her leaving, but not for this! But, somehow, I still love her and really hope that we can save the relationship. I want her to see me as a better option and I am afraid that my natural reaction to news of a PA will just drive her away. What is the best way to handle this situation? Is there anyone who has succesfully navigated this kind of minefield? How did you do it?

[changed4good]

Well, she just called me and wants to come by and get the boys and "her" car (actually it is mine, she just drove it). Doesn't want to discuss anything except at a neutral location with a pre-determined itenary. I'm beginning to see the writing on the wall and it isn't pretty. But I still feel like asking her about the affair. Is that a mistake? I know that I was wrong and (at least partly) responsible for driving her away, but now I am just feeling used and abused. How should I handle this to retain some dignity and respect? I'm afraid of the BigD, but it is looking more and more inevitable.

[karen43]

My advice would be to not ask. I think she may not be truthful anyway. Have you read DR yet? Why do you feel partially responsible for this? Karen

[sgctxok]

It's great that you're asking the question here first.

Read the chapter in DR (It's at the top of this forum)

Don't go with your 'feelings'....they will lead you to being reactive. If the answer is yes, and then you ask her to consider you as a better option, this conversation may spiral downward very quickly with you 'appearing' desperate. Don't let that happen. If you decide to do that, play it out here first. Be ready for your response.

What are your wife's complaints about you and your marriage?



Ask around here for who has had success with this conversation....in light of staying together and rebuilding their relationship.