K4D Rising #3

[K4D]

I didn't realize my last post locked up.

Its been a good weekend. I took my girls to the fireworks Friday and Saturday night. Last night W and her cousin and cousin's kid also went. As usual W didn't want much to do with me. No surprise right.

This morning I took my kids to church and then came home and fed them lunch.

I have a busy week ahead of me and I return the kids to their mom tonite.

Earlier in the week she told me that I am not as intelligent as her and we don't have any of the same hobbies or interests and she just can't live with that and that it is also my fault that the kids are having to live like this going back and forth every other week. I didn't respond. It bugged me though.

Kevin

[givingitmyall]

Kevin

Earlier in the week she told me that I am not as intelligent as her and we don't have any of the same hobbies or interests and she just can't live with that and that it is also my fault that the kids are having to live like this going back and forth every other week. I didn't respond. It bugged me though.

First, she does not need to say you are not as intelligent as her. I would not let that slide again if she brings it up. I would just say that such a disrespectful comment is inappropriate and does not lend itself to good communication.

Second, how is it YOUR fault that SHE chose to leave? Am I missing something? She chose to leave.

[Orich]

What gets into these peoples heads? They want out of the
M, yet we are somehow either at fault or at least not good people. All of a sudden things my W uses to love about me are now bad. I don't get it.

[aliveandkicking]

Guys, this is not a positive path to go down with Kevin, really.

Kevin, you work so hard to focus on you. Let this go and keep doing what you know you need to do.

[K4D]

This rebuilding book is supposed to be a really good book to help you start over. A friend of mine is reading it and recommended it.

Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends

Kevin

[givingitmyall]

Kevin,

AAK is correct. I stand by what I said, but you have to put the focus on you, not her. You have NO control over her. Right now, she has control over you if she knows she can upset you.

Focus on you. Cuz none of the rest of it makes sense.

[K4D]

I dropped off my kids at their mom's house. I told her I would drop them off between 6 and 7 and I showed up a little after 6 and she got mad at me for not calling first. Whatever.

Then I went and ate sushi with a friend of mine. I figured that was a good way to end the night after having to leave my kids.

Kevin

[25yearsmlc]

At some point you may need to memorize a line or two Kevin, as you have said that thinking on your feet around your w is difficult. You can reply to her negative commentary by saying "Excuse me, but I'm not inviting comment" or "W, please keep your negative commentary to yourself, I'm not interested in it."

As to the "it's your fault" comments, say "I owned my role in the problems in our m and that's all I can do. [i]I am not spending my time assigning blame but I'm certainly not taking the blame, either."[/i]

The REPLY function here, is not to engage in the conversation but to END THEM...so keep that in mind when you say these things. You are not to await a response from her but to assume that there is NONE coming...and move on.

And once you know these lines, get back to working on you and not caring what she says or thinks or does. Ever.

j-

[aliveandkicking]

So good 25, so good.

[orangedog]

Now you're showing it. Detaching. Reading books. Ignore those comments. She's just trying to get a angry response back.

The oddest one I got was, "We would have never been friends back in high school." Uhh...whatever...that was quite a while ago.

Just do your own thing.