What if she says "I see your point. I am being selfish" starts having sex with him again? Too logical I guess.
She hasn't had sex with him for almost a year (or maybe more) and after him saying this you think she will want to have sex with him just like that?!
And you think that sounds logical LOL!
After he has this very real conversation with her, he can move on in the direction he decides to move on it, it's scary for him I'm sure since he's been db'ing his a$$ off for years literally but it's a requirement, he's living an unfulfilled life with someone who doesn't love him and he can do better and will do better either way.
Wow! your sit. seems so much like mine. No intimacy for at least as long as you. (Un)Fortunately W dropped bomb on me 3/1/10 she wants D. I told her that the kids won't be surprised when she leaves in June.
I find it hard to believe sit like yours will improve at this stage - at least with the status quo. Having the conversations that the veterans are talking about above will definitely make some impact. At least you will shake things up so that you have a better perspective on the future.
BTW: your kids are not blind to what is going on. I'm realizing that I am teaching by example. Time to man up for me!
What if she says "I see your point. I am being selfish" starts having sex with him again? Too logical I guess.
She hasn't had sex with him for almost a year (or maybe more) and after him saying this you think she will want to have sex with him just like that?!
And you think that sounds logical LOL!
After he has this very real conversation with her, he can move on in the direction he decides to move on it, it's scary for him I'm sure since he's been db'ing his a$$ off for years literally but it's a requirement, he's living an unfulfilled life with someone who doesn't love him and he can do better and will do better either way.
Robx,
Its not "logical" for her to accept that she's being extremely selfish.
What is "too logical" is for her to think "yes, I have been being selfish." and start having sex with him. Its not going to happen, because its too logical.
Whats really going to happen is she's going to either find a reason to blame him, or continue not to think about him.
What we were saying about the waywards is that there are some things that they just can't realize because they are "too logical".
IE: "He keeps saying that I'm treating him like crap. But he's always mad at me..." Maybe he's mad because you treat him like crap and you do so because your cheating, DOH. Too logical.
Hell if he's been starved out for a year, maybe he should invite her on a date with his new girlfriend who loves to see him fulfilled.
Its saddening to realize that these WAS ( WAW ) will string us along as long as possible, while literally not even offering crumbs - and make it logical in their mind. "Well I let him spend time with his kids and help out. But I don't need him to have sex with me or for intimacy because thats what OM does". You know they think that. "What about me?"
Thank you for the fodder. I will have to chew on that. The conversation on having to move on will be the turning point and final though imho. I will not lie about having relationships though. I will not as an example to my children. My children are intelligent and i know they will surmise the situation (or maybe have). I will lead by example and be the better person in this.
My wife is selfish, no question, and she is scared to act and doesn't want to look like the bad guy in this i'm sure. I almost have the feeling she is keeping score, or trying to, to find something to blame me or use as the ultimate aha excuse to 'leave' me. Hasn't happened and not gonna happen. I won't give her the easy way out. I know she wants to appear the victim to her family and friends. That would make her decision easy.
I see her behavior lately changing a bit, and thats what concerned me and led me back here. She is becoming short tempered at me at times for no reason but i recognize it and don't bite back. Almost like she is baiting, trying to create conflict. Maybe its her frustration, maybe calculated, i don't really know.
I don't see a remedy for this. I will flip strategy a bit and try some new things. I am skeptical as who wouldn't be after all this time? Yes, i am very unhappy and that has got to change.
I lived the "baited lifestyle" for about 6 years. Its no fun. We say that a WAS may make things right by their own relationship and simplify their life, lower their stress in the process but "its too logical". They'll never do it.
Once your wife gets use to baiting you, it will be a second nature. She won't even have to think about it, it will be automatic.
What kills me, and many other husbands here is we know where getting this particular treatment while the OM must be so special and he interacts with a entirely different entity.
Once your wife gets use to baiting you, it will be a second nature. She won't even have to think about it, it will be automatic.
What kills me, and many other husbands here is we know where getting this particular treatment
You have a choice in how you let other people treat you.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
We can't make them treat us any different. They will do what they want to do. If I have leverage, I may take something away for a certain treatment if they don't want to adjust it.
I can also not be around them.
I guess I would like to see how you would handle a situation of "my wife treats me like dirt. Her attitude is extremely negative, she projects bad emotions into me, always seconds guesses me, has no problem embarassing, switches into an obscene tone of voice when talking to me".
How can I get someone to change that without any leverage?
"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Ghandi
Go read Pitbull's thread he just busted a affair and his wife came running back.
The power is all in how you handle yourself.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
What if she says "I see your point. I am being selfish" starts having sex with him again? Too logical I guess.
She hasn't had sex with him for almost a year (or maybe more) and after him saying this you think she will want to have sex with him just like that?!
And you think that sounds logical LOL!
After he has this very real conversation with her, he can move on in the direction he decides to move on it, it's scary for him I'm sure since he's been db'ing his a$$ off for years literally but it's a requirement, he's living an unfulfilled life with someone who doesn't love him and he can do better and will do better either way.
Robx,
Its not "logical" for her to accept that she's being extremely selfish.
What is "too logical" is for her to think "yes, I have been being selfish." and start having sex with him. Its not going to happen, because its too logical.
Whats really going to happen is she's going to either find a reason to blame him, or continue not to think about him.
What we were saying about the waywards is that there are some things that they just can't realize because they are "too logical".
IE: "He keeps saying that I'm treating him like crap. But he's always mad at me..." Maybe he's mad because you treat him like crap and you do so because your cheating, DOH. Too logical.
Hell if he's been starved out for a year, maybe he should invite her on a date with his new girlfriend who loves to see him fulfilled.
Its saddening to realize that these WAS ( WAW ) will string us along as long as possible, while literally not even offering crumbs - and make it logical in their mind. "Well I let him spend time with his kids and help out. But I don't need him to have sex with me or for intimacy because thats what OM does". You know they think that. "What about me?"
LOL
This has nothing to do with logic, this has everything to do with being in love with their feelings, if their feelings tell them the sky is green and you tell them the sky is blue, you're against them because you don't agree with their feelings, feelings/emotions have nothing to do with logic and you can't apply logic to emotions, it never works which is why you have so many frustrated men on these forums dealing with wives who are thick in their fogs having affairs with other men while the left behind husbands kiss ass, pursue, buy gifts, act like slaves, put up with abusive behavior hoping their wives will snap out of their dreams and realize the error of their ways - hopefully most of you realize this NEVER works!
Originally Posted By: gucci loafer
Quote:
You do it because you want to and you don't give a f@ck if she responds nicely or not.
Bologna.. Don't kid yourself. Of course we care how they respond. Guys who think this way are destined for failure. Women don't respect a man that keeps on giving to her while she is giving very little or nothing in return. For love to work mutually it MUST be reciprocated. Don't lie to yourself and say you don't care how she responds to you. That is silly. Don't make it the most important thing in your life, but also don't overlook how she is treating you back.
