Wife moved out a week ago

[dwinter82]

About 1 1/2 ago my W informed me her feelings had changed and she was not sure what to do. Things did not get better (not worse either) but she started thinking more and more about D. In late summer of last year she wanted to me to move out. I resisted, found this site, and started employing some of the DB techniques. At about this point is when I discovered she was having an EA. I blew up and informed her she would be the one moving out. She was remorseful, ended the EA and seemed interested in working things out. Although it was a roller coaster, we made it through the rest of the year and in general, got along great. In the spring of this year after a fight she informed she wanted a legal separation because things were not getting any better and we needed to do something different. I think it is important to add we have not had an intimate relationship in about 2 years. After some discussion we decided a trial separation would be the best approach, so we figured out a parenting plan for the kids (5 and 7), separated our finances and moved her out a little over a week ago.

I am upset that she has done this, especially because of the kids, but I have tried to stay supportive of her needs. I helped her move out and have even gone furniture shopping with her for her new place-Weird! She is really into buying new stuff for her place and that makes me think she is in this for the long haul, although she is not verbally committing to this situation as being permanent. She has also asked that we have a couple of sleep over nights-her one night at the house and me one night at the apartment. I agreed although in my mind this seems to be confusing the situation. I am doing my best to stay positive but I am wondering if maybe I am being too helpful or supportive and also, if trial separations work or do they just prolong the inevitable? Has anyone been through this kind of thing?

Thanks.

[cat03]

nothing is for sure Dw, but on some cases separation has been helpful. I think her wanting to have sleep overs is a positive sign, she doesn't want to let you go completly. Would she go counseling? seems like she might, have you suggested that? perhaps then you can get to the bottom of the 2yrs of no intimacy, that has got to hurt any M.

[dwinter82]

She is not interested in going to counceling. We tried that early on and it did not do to much for us. We talk enough to know what the issues are...she has some resentment issues and other demons she needs to work out on her own.

This is a very confusing time. I want to give her the space she needs but in doing so that means more time away from the kids. Last night I went to go check on the kids in bed out of habit and about lost it when I realized they were not there.

She came by this morning to drop off the dog and she asked me how I was doing. I told her I had a rough night becuase of the kids and what we are doing to them is wrong. She did not have anything to meaningful to say.

She is still wearing her wedding ring, which I find odd, but really have no idea what that means, if anything.

[cat03]

how often do you see kids? there is no reason why you can't see them more often, you can take them out swimming and stuff.

Perhaps you didn't have a good C, the thing about the 2yrs is pretty serious and I wonder if you got to the bottom of it when you last tried. If she has resentment issues then at some degree it falls on you to reassure her and ask for forgiveness if it's something you did/didnt' do that hurt her.

At the point seh wont' have much meaningful things to say, you keep DBing and work on yourself, do try to see a C on your own to see how to handle things, it will help a lot I promise, though sometimes it's hard to find a good C.
A good book about women and men is "men are from mars and woman are from venus" give that one a try, there are a lot of things we dont' know about each other when we marry.