Haven't posted in ages, but wanted to let everyone know what's been going on. LOL Absolutely nothing! I haven't heard from my STBX since I told him off in April other than a request a few weeks ago to let him add me to his buddy list on MSN. *shrugs* I am still waiting for him to file. I have gotten really busy and have such a life now. I'm a social butterfly. I went to Illinois to drop my youngest off and went to the Superman Museum and then stopped off in Nashville on the way back to shop the mall there. Ended up with a ton of smell good stuff, some sexy string panties, and some denim shorts. I have gone to a concert and flirted with the bouncer, introduced myself to the lead singer and bass player of one of the groups playing, got the set list from the band that I wanted to see and got it autographed by the whole band and talked with everyone. I went out tonight for sushi and drinks. I have plans for more and more fun to be had! I have found myself. Counseling is going well and my therapist says she sees such a spark of light in me now.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
Wow, you do sound like you are living a vibrant, full life! Good for you. Waiting IS the hardest part, and it sounds like you have instead of worrying, taken not only the high road in all of this, but the very fun and interesting one as well. This gives me a ray of hope myself, as someone whose spouse has built such high walls around himself and I'm continuing to take it personally, even though I shouldn't. I get snatches of how life really feels from time to time, and it's getting better day by day, but it's still hard to take.
Just today I was all happy and excited to get out and work in my garden, and it was so nice to feel motivated and positive about something, it kind of took me by surprise.
Thanks for sharing your own personal adventures and thanks for reminding me of what we are all seeking...personal happiness no matter who is in our life!
Me: 36 H: 34 M: 1 yr T: 2 yrs D: filed by H 5/21/09, served 06/08/09, first court date for "maintenance" as well as a plea to restart Marriage Counseling and attend a Marriage workshop 8/24
But something REALLY bothers me about your post. There's a lot you're not saying, and I'm afraid it could really come back and hurt you. You wrote
Quote:
Ended up with...some sexy string panties, and some denim shorts.
I really think you need to expand on this. You know, for your own mental well-being. Please don't keep it all bottled up inside. We're here to help. But we really will need details if we're going to be of any use -- you know, for your sake.
The only thing that I haven't said is that I have honestly not only dropped the rope, but I won't be picking it back up. There is too much dishonesty and too much pain done to my children to pick it up again. He made his choice and left. I've made mine. Now it's just a waiting game as I won't be filing. He left and he cheated. I've supported him long enough. He wants to play and not be responsible. He can pay for it.
Wore a pair of my sexy panties to the concert. They are too cute! They have all sorts of fruity drinks on them and are teal and white!!! This help??
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
One of my favorite expressions in life is, "Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere." I have decided that life is too short to dance with ugly men. I made poor decisions in getting into my relationship with my husband and I own my mistakes. I do nothing for my family or myself in worrying about something I have no control over. I can only control my actions, reactions, and myself. The rest is just an illusion. So, I choose to live life and enjoy it while doing so. Enjoy your gardening!
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
So glad, I could help someone out by making them laugh! Life is way too short to get all caught up in the BS! Today is 3 months since he left and 2 months since I last spoke to him. It gets easier and easier every day. I am making the life that I want to live and I am having a great time doing it. I went and bought some books on codependency and have some more on order. I will be reading these as I do believe that I am one of the most codependent people ever to walk this planet! I have lived my life helping others, taking care of others (which I still do as I am a registered nut....errr I mean nurse), and never really learning who I am and what I like. I'm getting there though. I've got the sexy panties, victoria's secret perfume, french manicured finger and toe nails, gorgeously highlighted shoulder length straightened daily hair, going to concerts, hanging with my son, going to the gym, making friends, and much other stuff to prove it. I am finally taking care of ME and in the process I am taking care of my kids.
For the fellas, I went and bought some tools today. I am now the proud owner of a 6.5 hp/ 190cc self propelled lawnmower, a featherweight gas trimmer, and a brand spanking new vacuum. I also bought some stepping stones and some river rock to finally make the walkway up to the porch that my STBX was supposed to have done AGES ago! I can do this!
Life is definitely more fun when you are out living it and I plan to do just that!
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
I know what you mean about feeling empowered by purchasing hardware. My H has a nice set of drill bits for his super powered drill and just today I went to Lowe's and bought my own drill bits for my drill (that I already had). I did it thinking (and planning I guess) that I will not have access to his tools when we divorce and that I now need to take care of myself. In hindsight, I didn't think about this at all at the time, it just felt natural...I think that is kind of weird because I am trying to reunite us, but I think, for me at least, I need to act and truly be ok 100% on my own for that to become obvious to him.
Last weekend I drilled and completed a "worm compost bin" from plans I got online, and let me tell you, not only did I totally enjoy the project and learning how to drill something for the first time, but I felt powerful in a whole new way. My mom was in amazement that I made this bin, and that felt great.
I'm finding as I get more and more familar exploring new territory in the huge Lowe's here, my confidence overall is improving. I now want to look up online after I post this the times when some of the local Habitat for Humanity's are meeting because I've always wanted to volunteer for them anyways, and now I have some time and I think the combo of volunteering, doing something I always wanted to, and using power tools would be very, very helpful to me at this point in my life! Lol!
Thanks for sharing your positive experiences and your great attitude here. It is a refreshing perspective and I wish you the best of luck continuing to move forward to better and better things in your life!
PS: I have read a few books about codependency because my H thinks he is "pathalogically oodependent" so good luck to you in taking back your life for yourself. Like the "Runaway Bride", Julia Roberts played in that movie, you'll have to find out how you like your eggs prepared, not someone else's favorite way!
Me: 36 H: 34 M: 1 yr T: 2 yrs D: filed by H 5/21/09, served 06/08/09, first court date for "maintenance" as well as a plea to restart Marriage Counseling and attend a Marriage workshop 8/24
I went to Illinois to drop my youngest off and went to the Superman Museum and then stopped off in Nashville on the way back to shop the mall there. Ended up with a ton of smell good stuff, some sexy string panties, and some denim shorts. I have gone to a concert and flirted with the bouncer, introduced myself to the lead singer and bass player of one of the groups playing, got the set list from the band that I wanted to see and got it autographed by the whole band and talked with everyone. I went out tonight for sushi and drinks. I have plans for more and more fun to be had! I have found myself. Counseling is going well and my therapist says she sees such a spark of light in me now.
