First, let me be up front. This is a lesbian love story. If you are offended don't reply. Don't be titillated. We're ordinary ladies with ordinary lives. We've been seeing each other for about 2 years. That love has deepened and grown. When we met she seemed so pleased that I had an active sex drive. That didn't last.
The reasons have changed (she really doesn't know what they are): grief, menopause, fatigue, etc. But the reality is we are horribly mismatched in our sex-drive.
So, given that there is only so much coercing I can do and giving her the SSM to read is not likely (she gets defensive and shuts down), what is the higher-sex drive partner actually supposed to do. Trust me. I am loving, giving, kind and she would agree that all of her needs are met. But the lower sex drive person seems to have NO motivation to change as THEIR needs are met. Their only motivation is to get US off their backs.
I see sex as such a spiritual and emotional connection and we are so close ever (luckily when she does make love, it is with her whole heart and body). I am simply broken and unable to fully express who I am. Though I've tried, I simply can't seem to leave bc the love is so deep.
Welcome Kelly...just wanted you to know there will be responses soon...things are slow on the weekends but we'll be back...I will be back with a better response shortly.
I would also like to add something here. There are so many things that can affect a person's sex drive. Hormone levels, repression from upbringing/religion, repression from shame of past experiences, and in your case I wonder if there are any issues with your partner embracing her sexuality entirely so that she can be out and free of mental chains and barriers to lovemaking. Do you have any insight with regard to your partner's past and her viewpoints about sexuality?
Also, how is your relationship outside of the bedroom? Is it flirtatious and sexually charged? Or, are you more like friendly roommates? In this area, you can guide your half of the relationship to create a tone of desire and passion... It is up to her to partake in what you put out there (with no expectations,) and then decide to participate in that. I hope that makes sense.
I think that DanceQueen is going to be of particular value here, given her experience and practical expertise.
I look forward to knowing you better. Again, welcome.
Welcome! I am also pretty new here, but I can tell you- Keep posting. It helps quite a lot to have a place to put all those feelings that come from being in a SSM. The advise and feedback will be very encouraging, cause there are some lovely people here.
I totally get what you mean when you say you cannot leave because the love is so deep. I can't seriously imagine ever being w/o my H, but happily, he is really trying to work on our SSM. I hope that you will soon be able to say that your partner is on board and trying with you to overcome this problem.
Are you still around? What is going on now? What have you tried?
What is her energy like otherwise? What is her health like? Is she on antidepressants?
Let's focus on the exceptions...when she IS willing and IS into it with her whole heart (and you have a treasure here)....what was going on RIGHT BEFORE that happened? What were you doing and what were you saying?
Hang in there, sg
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
