Okay, so where do I begin? The kids have been in California since May 9, they left the day school got out. School closed early this year because of the lack of funding. If, by some miracle, the kids are able to return, they will start school much later than usual in September.
D, well, her anerexia is in full swing, but since I have absolutely no say in what is going on, I've been told that she just eats healthy, not to worry.... oh, so 2 apples a day and a cup of cereal is healthy? Okay. She runs 3 to 4 miles a day and is a lifeguard at a lake resort nearby. For the last month D has complained her back has been hurting her. Has Dick been concerned.... no, she needs to learn to stretch. Huh? Sure, it could be that, it could also be she hasn't had a pair of new running shoes since the ones I bought her last September. Then again, it could be something serious.... it's not like there isn't any medical insurance on her... but then again, if she goes to the doctor, he'd have to let go of his denial about her weight, because I'm sure the doctor would have a problem with her weighing 100 pounds at 5'7".
As for S, well, he's saddled with the chore of taking care of his Grandfather during the day, keeping the house clean, the yard mowed and making dinner for all. Dick complains he's not getting out there to find a job. Well, Grandpa can't remember he has children.... never mind grandchildren. One day became so irrate to find out D was his granddaughter, he grit his teeth, clenched his fists, and went on and on about D not being his granddaughter. The other day, Grandpa wrote S's name in the Atlas, yes that's Atlas, so he wouldn't forget his name again... never mind remember he's his grandson.
S has vowed that when he turns 18 in November, he's coming home, and if need be, will quit school in order to release himself from any of Dick's control. S hates his father, or at least he says he does, with everything that is within him. Says he'll never see the man again after November 21.
There's another hearing on July 22. I'm not sure why exactly, maybe to finalize everything. Who knows. I'm at the point where I pray to wake up from this mess only to find it's all be a bad nightmare.
I realize Dick's only need to is make me as miserable as he is. Well, he'll never accomplish his goals. I know at some point, I he'll be gone from our lives for good. S only has a few months left, while D has another year to go. She can't even talk to me now, for it she becomes so homesick she stresses out even more. She's numb, living in the moment, waitinig for all of this to end too.
In another week or so, Jane's kids will be joining them. It's their time to feel to have the Brady Bunch reunion, and they parade all the children around and act as if they are the parents they think they are. If anyone was to look, they'd see the children are miserable... but boy, Dick and Jane just glow with pride.
As for me, well, I'm tangled up in waiting, a positive ANA blood test, with high RAs, swollen feet, ankles, knees, elbows, wrists and hands... joints can really be a pain! Oh, my hips and shoulders are the worst, and I've lost a lot of upper body strength lately, I know I look strange while I try to wash my hair, for it seems I can't raise my arms above my head, and need to use the shower wall to hold my arm up to scrub my whole head. Meloxicam, 800mg Ibuprofen and the occasional tramadol help me through a day until I get in with the Rheumatologist. My Doctor is upset with me, she says I should listen to my body more, as she finds my tolerance to pain unbelievable.... or so she says. I don't know any different, it's just the way I am.
It's been a rater temerate summer here.... and with such beautiful weather, I still find it hard to keep working on this house and the yard. I've lost my drive along the way, probably something to do with the kids always being on my mind. I know the exhaustion I feel has a lot to do with what is going on with my body, but I think if I focus on the future, I'd probably find myself with a bit more desire to complete the tasks I have before me.
Anyway, that's what I've been up to as of late. Hopefully you all have some better news to share.
Take care and God Bless you all!
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
Wow. I'm really sorry to hear about your D. That is so tough on so many levels. I don't know how you do it. Gee, do you think an MD would have a problem with her weight??? Not a surprise he won't take her.
I really feel for you son too. To live with someone you are even willing to say you hate.
I am hopeful that new medicine and or medical advances will help you with minimally the pain. It is amazing what folks can learn to tolerate.
Hi Laughing, I am so sorry about your stitch. You have been the strongest and most patient person I know. It must be so hard for your children right now and difficult for you unable to what you want to for them. I hope your children can find stength in each other. I know you will endure this also. You and your children are always in my prayers.
L, I'm am very sorry to hear that the kids are now out in CA. It's very evident that they are not enjoying themselves. I'm very concerned about your daughter and her complaints about her back....it's not the running shoes...it's most likely her medical condition. What is it going to take for him to seek medical attention for her? Her heart or kidneys give out? As for your son...taking care of his grandfather? Sounds to me like they are in a slave labor camp.
L, it's not you that he's targeting for misery....he's targeting his kids as well. He's reliving his youth and is taking out his revenge on all of you for what he went through. I hope and pray that your son doesn't lose his temper and take out his revenge on his father in some form of violence. He's vey close and walking a thin line of being pushed too far.
Your daughter is dealing with the situation by not eating again. It's the only control she feels that she has over her life right now and this scares me right to death.
As for you, you've got to take care of yourself. You are the only saving grace and life line those kids have to sanity and the finish line of runing away from him and that wife of his. Please listen to your doctor and and try to focus on the future.
You know where I am if you need to reach out and talk to someone.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sorry to hi-jack, but Snodderly please post something to me. I am very concerned that you are upset with me. I hope not. I am trying so hard to take your advice, it is just having the courage to do it.
L, I am very sorry you are going through this, It also scares me that your daughter is going down this path. Please dont give up and take care of yourself.
Oh, hey, don't feel sorry, it's just the way things are for the moment. There is a happy ending in this all.... and dam it, it better be worth it.... Just kidding, well, not about the happy ending, for there will be one some day.
Yes, D is my greatest concern. Her "out" at this time is being a lifeguard at the resort. She watches the wildlife, has fresh air in her lungs, and from the sounds of it, takes her away from the situation at the house and relaxes her. She works 32 hours a week, minus her lunch time. When she does talk to me, it's often from the house, as often her stress level is what she is venting at the time. Just wish she'd stop taking it out on herself....
S is using humor to muddle through, and somewhat seeking revenge... God, he's my child in so many ways.....
Dick now hates animals, won't allow them in the house. So, S is combing Craig's list for free pets and supplies. He's planning to start with birds, a hampster or two, then to really get on their nerves, a snake or mice or both. When S reads about the different animals, he calls me to talk about the different scenarios each animal may create. We laugh and joke about what he thinks up, and now it seems he plans of making it happen this coming week while Dick is in Tennesee.
Dick won't give S any money since D has been able to find a job. I've been sending S money via an account that Dick once set up, but has forgotten about... see where he gets it from? For Dick will leave him a vehicle, but it will only have enough gas to make it to the local gas station... Now, S takes the car, gets just enough gas to make it out to where he's going and back, so the car is just as empty as it was when Dick left the house. He's my child, I can't deny it.
S has anger, and I believe he's saving up for the day Dick goes off on him. I know down deep he sees the day when they both go to blows. S won't talk about it, but I can feel it. S knows I wouldn't approve of any sort of physical altercation, but I do know it's a possibility.
As for Dick and his ways, he's only has control for a little bit longer. Once both children are 18, there is nothing further he can do, as he will reap what he has sewn. He can blame me for ruining his relationship with all of his children, all he wants, but there will be nothing he will be able to do about it.
Jane, his wife, has been working full time during the day, then volunteering during the night until past 10pm. For someone who slept all the time prior to this, I often wonder how in the world she is keeping up with her own schedule. Dick has asked her to cut her hours down and spend more time at home, according to both kids, yet she refuses to do so. S tells me when Dick is not home, she's on the phone talking with someone, always behind closed doors. He believes this her way of coping with Dick, for when she is home, he treats her like garbage, as it seems they often fight about the money she is spending, his money of course.
I'm so glad I don't have to deal with Dick directly. As I see how miserable he truly is, and in an odd way, understand why he seeks the control he does. So, even on the days I feel the worst about all that is happened, I feel grateful for what I do have in my life. The bond I have with the children is unbreakable, nothing Dick nor the courts can do to dissolve what we have.
Now, if anyone has an idea or knows how to help me improve my situation, that would be of great use to me. There's some organization out there that will intercede for the children, and give them a voice that will be heard. It's just that I haven't found it yet. Both children want to come home to finish their high school years, as they are both old enough to make this decision based the fact they are 16 and 17. Their hands are tied, as are mine in this farce they call a court in this county, however, there must be a way I can have this court's decision overruled. If you have any ideas, please let me know. Thanks!
Take care!
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
I'm sorry to hear about what your children are going through. Would it be possible to attempt to get custody again based on the lack of concern/care for D's medical issues? Or the fact that S has to care for an elderly man who I am guessing has dementia or alzheimers?
This is neglect, plain and simple in my book. Although I am not a lawyer. Be prepared for the blow up between S and Dick. My S who is younger than yours finally exploded on H a few months ago and it was not pretty. Maybe if that happens, Dick will volunteer to send the kids to you. I don't know. I know of no organizations that help kids other than child welfare and I don't know if that is the route you want to take.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
L, The only saving grace here is that your daughter has some place to go and release the tension, i.e., swimming, etc. However, this still isn't enough "control" for her to take care of her health issue.
As for your son, I can see where he could also be my son as well. Hamsters are the best and suggest he get one of those wheel set ups and make sure it squeaks all of the time. Those little creatures are cute as can be and can run on those wheels for a very long time. Birds and fish wouldn't be enough to drive Dick crazy. Snakes and lizzards would be nice as well.
If your son is taking care of the grandfather, he should be paid. After all, this is hindering him from getting a job as well. Wouldn't the family have to pay for an assisted living sitter for the grandfather if your son wasn't there? Your son needs to call around and get an estimate of what it would cost for a sitter and store the information away until a later time when he may need to present it to his father, even though his father won't pay him one dime for the care he has provided to his grandfather.
Dick really has gone back in time to a place where he'll never find the key to open the door to the present.
As for Jane, she may be volunteering in the evening....I find that rather interesting, just as I do the phone calls behind closed doors. She may be up to her old tricks and looking for her next sugar daddy. Don't be surprised if she's gone in the near future. She's not going to put up with Dick and his tight purse strings for very long.
I wish that I could offer you some suggestions/solutions to your immediate health concerns, but I can't. You are worried about your children and their situation and it's understandable. Unfortuantely, it's out of your control until they come of age. All you can do is listen and be there as a shoulder to lean on. That's stress in and of itself. Please take care of yourself. I'm very worried about you.
Cat, as parents, it is always difficult to watch what all our children are going through. It's hard to read what other's have experienced. It's difficult for us all, but we learn, grow and begin to understand the larger picture. We are given new dimensions through our struggles.
Dick and S had a blow last year, Dick actually threatened to kill S. Although I spoke out, told my attorney at the time, pleaded for help, but my words fell on deaf ears, those people who are put in place to protect us, are blinded by Dick's ability to play the victim, to manipulate the truth, and to appear to be the normal, caring parent, while projecting his insanity upon me and my life.
No matter what happens, Dick won't send the kids back. Right now he feels he has control, and he will not relinquish this control for anything, for this control represents life itself to him, it means he is justified in anything he does.
The reason he wants the kids, is to fill the voids in his life. He can not ever be alone. Why? Because of who he actually is. His guilt, now displayed as anger and vengence, looses it's mask while he sits alone, and he can't deal with what he has done, he can't live with the truth of who he is.
Jane takes Wednesday nights off, Dick has Friday, Saturday and Sundays off, leaving Dick alone in this great big house with is Father. His Father, lost in the world of alzheimers sets as a reminder of not only his past, but also who he quite possibly will become. His Mother passed in 2002, so there's no way of Dick making peace with his past, his childhood, there is no way he'll receive the acknowledgement he needs in order to heal his broken soul. Therefore, he requires the children there with him to fill the voids in his life, so his own reality can't haunt him. In his own way, he is fighting for survival, although in a disturbed, mentally unhealthy way, he will use everything within his control to survive, and it doesn't matter who he destroys in the process.... for he doesn't love his children in a normal parent's way, they are just substitutes, replacing everything he is lacking within.
Is this neglect, oh, most certainly, however, like I said before, those who are supposed to protect the children and I are the ones who allow Dick to reign supreme. This man even received sympathy from the Judge for his injuries due to his own DUI.... I guess it's why Kansas in the shape that is in, the reason it makes the news in the manner it does, and why so many people leave the state as they do. I'd be gone myself, but right now, there is a court order for me to live in the school district in order to see my own children. Keep in mind, Dick lives in California, and for the past 6 months, my children didn't even live within the district boundaries... now, tell me this makes any logic at all.
Yes, Snodderly, I too believe my S should be paid for taking care of his Grandfather, and the house too. But Dick places no value on the work other's do. Housework is meaningless, unless it's me not keeping my house perfect.
As for Jane, it was rather apparent while the kids were there during Spring break, she was having an affair... however, when the children returned in May, it was drilled into their heads that she was simply volunteering and that was all! She's in love with that house, and living in California, for she has discovered or believes her past didn't follow her to California. So, she is free of the restraints of her history, of being the barmaid who slept with any man who would pay her any attention, who love to steal time with married men. She's 20 years Dick's junior, and probably needs or desires more attention than he is willing to pay her... she's a needy one, like many of the other's who involve themselves with married people. My situation isn't really all that different than most of the stories here, it's just that it won't end.... but even in Dick's psychological evaluation, it's states he is abnormally connected to me. Don't I just have all the luck? LOL!
As for my health concerns, my physician believes it is Rhuematoid Arthritis, as all the tests point in that direction. She has sent my case to the appointment desk, where they set up an appointment with a Ruematologist. When talking to the appointment desk, it seems the Ruematologist requires the patient's history and labs to review prior to setting an appointment. I just haven't heard back about the appointment date as of yet.
There's a lot of good treatment out there for me, as the RA can be put into remmission, as I can live a fairly normal life after treatment has started. This diagnosis wasn't really unexpected, with a family history like mine, along with the years of stress I've been under since this all began. I do believe it has been the stress that has brought my situation to the point it has. I need to regroup, and put my life in a better place. I'm working on it, it's just taking me more time than I like.
Take care of you...
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
