Since you have been with her for so long it is hard to see this probably, but what would you do if you were trying to attract her today? What kind of man would she be attracted to? Can you be that person?
All of us LBS's get into a foggy state of assuming that they will just naturally continue to love us because we are their husband, provider, father of the kids, etc etc and I have learned that this isn't always the case. What attracted them to us originally, and where is that person? Ask yourself those questions. I know you guys had a rough go of it for a while that led to this - most of us on this site have and at least you recognize your contribution to the situation and are working on it. She will notice and appreciate it at some point most likely but you can't force that.
Also, you have a gift. Your wife is interested in saving the M and she hasn't left. Take a lot of comfort in that, even though you have work to do here and yes, it will probably take time since the LBS has to go through some sort of transformation to get to the other side where the WAW actually wants them back.
After a while, if nothing is happening, you will get tired of being in limbo most likely. Work on yourself - find things to do for yourself and GAL.
On the intimacy thing - one thing that has helped me (8 months) was thinking like I was in the military on extended duty overseas. My W actually used that example with me.
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
Yeah, you are right. I have to find what will attract her to me if we just met (today). Thank you for that advice. I also need take comfort in my W even being here and working on things.
…Extended Duty overseas, I will try that and hope it works. Thanks again.
Kane I know how you feel when you see her text and hide her phone from you. My wife still does it all time when she picks up the kids or come visits them at my place. Or when we are out with mutual friends. Its like I just want to grab her phone and chuck it in the middle of the lake.
Like others are saying you do have a gift that she does want to work it out. I'm also the jealous type and even more so now knowing that I can't stop her, because with my wife in her mind we are done. Hang in there I know its tough. Your situation could be worse remember that.
Me:27 W:24 S:2 D:9 months M:3 years Together for 8 years Bombed : 6/11/09 Moved out: 6/27/09 Found out about her affair 9/7/09 (she started her's at 6/25/09) Begged n plead 7/25/09 started DB 8/17/09
