I'll send ya one, I can't wait to see what you caught now!
It's time for me to become a ghost again.
I am beginning to see the pain and confusion more and more in the kids.
I have to go as dark as I can again. If I hear "we are still a family and we will always be." or "I still want you to be there for me" right now I feel I will BLAST her like I have never blasted another human being on the face of this earth.
I don't think I have ever in my life fought a battle like this inside of myself.
It is a shame but throughout all of this it is the kids who are the ones who get hurt the most. They don't understand what is going on. Hell, half the time I didn't know what was going on.
I had no idea that one could lie, commit adultry multiple times, neglect, disgrace, squander money and just plain sh*t on the ones closest to them and then turn around and consider them still a "family."
The real kicker is to then say "you need to still be there for ME."
I'm a total believer in this. She is INSANE. Nobody and I mean NOBODY in their right mind thinks this way.
That's the most difficult realization to all of this.
Is it a book on how to properly commit hari kari (wtf sp?).
It is hara-kiri (I googled it) and no, it isn't a book on that. Besides, you don't need a knife in your stomach...don't you already have one in your back being twisted around and around? I'm only joking.
Quote:
I should have asked her when she wants to get our next "family" photo together.
I don't know if I would ask that, you may get a surprise answer you aren't prepared for.
I had no idea that one could lie, commit adultry multiple times, neglect, disgrace, squander money and just plain sh*t on the ones closest to them and then turn around and consider them still a "family."
The real kicker is to then say "you need to still be there for ME."
I'm a total believer in this. She is INSANE. Nobody and I mean NOBODY in their right mind thinks this way.
That's the most difficult realization to all of this.
Ah SO, young grasshopper..........
"Nobody and I mean NOBODY in their right mind thinks this way."
Take a step back for a moment.
.
.
.
Catch your breath.
.
.
.
Think back to what you know about projections in MLC.
How she would spew all sorts of nonsense about things that YOU were doing...
when it was really HER that was doing them.
Remember how she was trying to convince herself? To legitimize her behavior by saying these things?
Now...
look at what she is saying.....
"we are still a family and we will always be."
Another projection, just in a different form perhaps?
Could she be trying to convince herself yet again? To legitimize a NEW behavior yet to emerge by saying this?
How about....
"I still want you to be there for me"
Will you choose to discard this as another "insane" rambling, or as a signpost on the path?
But what does the signpost say?
What does it mean?
....who the hell knows.
Maybe you will detach your expectations and your anger for your kids' well being, and wait to see how this part of her processing goes....
...maybe you won't.
Your feelings...your actions......
....your choice.
PATIENCE AND FORTITUDE CONQUER ALL THINGS. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
DBing and MLC take their toll....Please provide exact CHANGE. -Jimbo
