First Timer

[wolverine1997]

Thanks for your advice. You just don't know how these comments give us the strength to push on. And as far as decorating, I don't know what the heck I'm doing, but I'm trying.

[drew7]

hahaha.. I guess you can cheerfully muddle through it then

Drew

[wolverine1997]

I'm definitely muddling through it, not always so cheerfully though. But it's pretty interesting because my wife is heavy into decorating. She has taken classes on it and loves to do it. Since she became a WAW she has lost all interst in doing anything around our house. She will help others decorate their houses but won't lift a finger toward our own. I think she is trying to punish me. But whatever she does, the house will look great after I'm done. (I hope)

[wolverine1997]

Wife kinda upset me last night. I took the kids over my buddies house to play with his kids. We got back home about 7:00 or so and saw that my wife had been home from work but had left. She didn't call me or leave a message or anything.

I didn't think much about it until about 10:00 when I hadn't heard from her. So I called her cell phone. She told me that she had gone to get her nails done and went to the show. After that the kids and I went to bed so I don't know what time she got home.

This morning I while she was getting ready for work I overheard her on the phone talking to a co-worker about how another co-worker had come to the movies drunk last night. I didn't hear much more than that but it kinda bugs me that I don't know any of the people that she hangs with. Normally I would have had a bunch of questions but not now. I have gotten a lot better about that sort of thing. But it is still hard.

I did call her today at work to ask her if she planned on helping me pay any bills. I figure that since she is trying to develop an independent life she might as well pay her fair share. She got a little irritated and told me that she had already paid part of the gas bill. BIG DEAL! That's probably only 1/50 of the total bills. And at that she only paid a part of the bill. That means that the rest of the bill needs to be paid. Which also means that I will be the one that ends up paying it. Her actions are really bugging me.

[wolverine1997]

The silence is killing me. I hate that wife won't talk to me about anything. I used to look for ways to start conversations but I stopped that. We just sit and not speak. Is it best to continue this way? I know that I shouldn't pursue the relationship but I can't see how not speaking about anything helps. Someone tell me if I am wrong and what's the best way to handle this.

[MrBond]

For the bills, how about itemizing her purchases and have her pay for that portion plus half of the expenditures on kids?

As for the silence thing, I tried both. I tried not saying anything which led to more silence. So I started initiating talks here and there, then ramped them up. What I did was ask her questions that needed more than a yes/no type answer.

For example, rather than asking how was work, which would always get me the "fine" answer. I ask her, what type of things did she have to do at work.

Things like that. It took a looong time to get to that point though. About a month, but keep it consistent, and they'll be talking back without even realizing it.

[wolverine1997]

That's a good idea. But will that be considered pursuing? I don't think so. Plus I think to make progress their must be some communication. I stopped calling her at work just to talk. I now only call if it's important or deals with the kids. I want to talk to her without it seeming as if I'm trying to force a conversation. She has told me that she doesn't want to small talk or chit/chat with me, so this will be very difficult.

[MrBond]

I just saw it as opening the lines of communication. You're going to have to start somewhere to get the healing started. Even if you don't reconcile, you want to be on good terms right?

[wolverine1997]

I agree 100 percent. I stopped trying to talk to her because I was trying to do a 180, but so far it hasn't worked. So if I can get the communication lines open then I think I can make some headway.

[MrBond]

That's why they're called "baby steps". I believe that all things have a time when they are supposed to happen. Let things move along naturally and take full use of opportunities as they arise.