I have read your postings and I am in the same situation as you. My husband and I are separated but living under the same roof. I am trying to detach and I am finding hard when I have to see him almost everyday. I usually go to my room and close the door. We have been separated almost two months. I think he is going through a MLC. We have a great deal of debt and he lost his mom so the signs seem to point all in that direction. I recently read DB and started the plan and he has softened up a bit but he still says he's done. My days are getting harder instead of better. We don't have any kids so were staying under the same roof because financialy we can't make it. He had another W but he claims he no longer does. How do you do it? It seems like when I see him or talk to him, is when I have my worse days. Any advice I will appreciate.
Thanks for wondering how the rest of my weekend went. I posted about it on my thread.
After all this time, I have come to the conclusion also that nagging is not the way to go.
I am going to treat him like a friend. Like it was when we were first dating. I did not pursue him, but treated him nicely whenever he was around. It makes it so much better for those of us who still live together. It is really hard, especially when he comes home and you think he has been with ow. But, maybe he wasn't.
How are you doing? We need to remain strong. We know how great we are, and what they will be losing.
Focus on the positives and not the negatives. I know, I know, easier said than done.
Thanks for checking on me.:) I am doing pretty well. I am trying to focus on the positives but yet sometimes still just can't believe who he has become and it is icky, someone I wouldn't choose now for sure. But I do have faith that the "real" him is in there somewhere.
We seem to be in a bit of a pullback after some positives. In my opinion things seem a lot more relaxed between us, though, in general. I no longer feel on eggshells all the time when he is in the same room. I just keep being me. He had been interacting more with me but the past few days isn't as much. HOWEVER, he has been home more in the past week or two than he had been in a loooong time and he is interacting a lot more with the kids and playing with them which is great. They are so happy. I love seeing it but then it makes me wonder if he pulls back from them again how it will affect them. He has even started again in little ways being a "parent" again and not just playing with them. I am trying to focus on each day and not think too far ahead.
Just reread your thread, I think you dealing with H very well on the the day to day stuff. My suggestions would be:
-stop the R talks!!! On any level! There is no point cos he doesn't have any answers yet, he is still processing. Come up with a few lines to shut him down, don't say a word, change topics, don't get drawn in! I know you know this, you do it sometimes, but try a bit more too.
- try to take some more of your power back. You are not lucky to be with him. When you look at him, think he is damn lucky to be with me, if I choose to continue to let him! Again, its happening sometimes, keep working on it.
- Have you got some standby activities for the bad days? My garden is currently getting majorly attacked to get me through those days / thoughts, its physical activity, kids can be around and it does not look like I am storming out of the room.
I know you are probably coming here when you need to vent or feel down like most of us. Keep looking for the good in each day and just keep taking the next step.
So tell me... How has it been around your house lately? Is H still interacting with the family?
I never thought anyone would betray me like this. I feel like I'm in the lead role of a made for TV movie.
I need to go back to the beginning of your thread again and read it. Remember it was your thread that prompted me to make my first post. Another MLCer that lives at home, who forgot he was married. lol I was a lurker for a long time. I had been following Orchid's story before I noticed yours.
I was posting to Orchid today that I wished we could all show up and be there for each other when we hit those rough patches.
How did your Labor Day go? Did the fam do something together?
I finally read thee letter... It was Blah,Blah,Blah!
MLC / Alien talk all over the place. My friend laughed about it! He was projecting this whole thing on me. He said HE was the lonely one. Ya, as I watched him go out all the time. Ya, how can you be lonely with ow.
Anyway go to my thread and read it. If you want to that is
Thanks for checking on me. I am having a bad day today, and I know it is all about expectations. My H HAS been interacting way more with the family in general. For the past 2-3 weeks when he was not at work he was almost always home and was even home for dinner most nights. That is a HUGE 180 for him, since for months (getting close to a year now) he has not been home much at all. He has been playing a lot with the kids and actually doing a bit around the house, though he still doesn't interact with me too much (but then I don't hang around him much). I guess that is what threw me for a loop. He was home pretty much all day Saturday and Sunday. It is actually getting less and less stressful having him around. Then this morning he went out and mentioned one place he was going. I assumed he would be back for dinner and he wasn't and of course I am upset.
When he does act more normal it is harder for me to remain detach and to not start acting a bit wifey. Sigh. I am trying so hard to be patient and wait on God because I do see hope in my situation but I am ready for him to get over this. My friend sent me Ecclesiastes 7:8 the other day, "The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride."
I know it is my pride that gets in the way the days I want to throw the towel in. I can't help the thoughts running through my head that I deserve better than this!! But I do know he has lessons to learn through this as well and while I have made so many good changes his journey is not done yet.
Must have crossed posted! That is exactly what I thought when I read your thread - that he was projecting. At least you can see it for what it is - alien speak!!
Now it is over and done - you've read the letter and know what it says. That must be a relief in a way.
