My wife and I have been back together for a little over a year now after a six seperation and D being filed by her she put D on hold and asked to move back home.I know the main reasons were because of kids and finances.We sleep in the same bed every night and get along great as parents and friends but we don't touch and she never tells me she loves me.I get frustrated and because I miss her so much but she just acts like we are roomates and seems fine with that.I don't undersatnd how after almost 26 years of marriage that she can just turn off like that.I just do not know what to do at this point except wait and pray for her.
Married 28 yrs Seperated 6 mths Rec D Papers 11/24 W Canceled D Moved Back Home 3/1/08 2 Kids D23 and S16 Trying 2 Put R Back Together
H, Give her lots of room and space, no questions, no expectations. Right now, in her mind, you are just that...room mates. She's shut down and until she comes to grips with the issues from her childhood, she'll continue to run. It's not you at all, but all about her.
For now, do your own thing, continue being supportive, but treat her like a room mate. No expectations, no questions..no pressure. Allow her to come to you when she's ready to talk and really listen and validate what she says/thinks/feels.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you for your input.I understand what you are saying but it's hard to just sit and wait.She is not seeing anyone to try to figure out what's going on,it just feels like I've gone out of my way to let her know how much I love and miss her but she usally has no response.I know what you say is true time and space are what is needed but I've been back home for over a year and things havn't changed very much.Do i try to get her to go to a marriage counseler or is anything i do going to seem like pressure and push her further away.
Married 28 yrs Seperated 6 mths Rec D Papers 11/24 W Canceled D Moved Back Home 3/1/08 2 Kids D23 and S16 Trying 2 Put R Back Together
H, It sounds like she's not receptive to seeing anyone at this time. Do not sit around and wait....live your life. Do you have any hobbies? If so, continue doing them. I know that this is extremely hard, but there's nothing you can do for her. She has to be the one to reach out to you and yes, seek counseling. Like an addict, she must hit bottom and seek help. The more you suggest things like this, the more she'll be determined not to do it.
If she were just a roommate, how would you handle the situation? You'd leave the person alone and allow them to deal w/their "funk" on their own. Do the same here as well.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
