I would have to agree with you that if H had a PA that It would be the end for me, although he may have already, I just don't know about.
As far as the snooping, I agree that it is necessary sometimes. I myself would rather know now then keep going on in a relationship blindly. Although it hurts ALOT at first, I'd just would rather know then feel like a complete idiot after.
EA is almost as bad as a PA in certain aspects.. I'll have to check out that book myself.. thanks pup.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Thanks Puppy...but I am done reading for a while I am tired of the self help romance building books, awareness books etc. That is where I am not right now. I need angels to walk with me. I have read enough to fill a library, I am tired of trying to figure out my wife brain. All I can do is love her...That is it.
And my kids. and figure out how I am going to coexist with her without feeling the pains of hell, and still be mr. chipper the entire time for Her and my Kids, while developing into mr. perfect to handle whatever storm is a brewing. I can say this that If I did not have the Lord with me, I would be no where, that is the most certain thing I know these days.
ME 43 Her 37 Married 6/98 2 sons 8 and 3 Love em tons Seperated March 20th Her- not sure Me willing to make changes
Thanks for your comments...I am sorry that you have to deal with this...I have prayed for all of you. Your husband and Porn...that is something that most men have encountered, because we are so visual, and carnal. I have read somewhat on this issue and have found that once a man has a real desire to committ to an intimate relationship, he will then be able to see what is most important. Until then it is like someone who over eats..it is natural, but not for it's intended purposes, like sex is natural but if not shared intimatly it can be destructive.
Love you Fighting Irish.
Seems like everyone in here is right about the same age...I wonder if our Mortality causes us to have more care as we get older, and younger folks are more apt call it a do over...
ME 43 Her 37 Married 6/98 2 sons 8 and 3 Love em tons Seperated March 20th Her- not sure Me willing to make changes
As far as how many divorces have been busted, I know there is.. there is actually a link on this board somewhere.
Thanks for the prayers, actually the porn issue has just about gone away, but its other things that we have been going through that are not good. Long story, you can read about it on my stitch in piecing if you like
Anyways, I do agree with you on the generational thing. I see my sister who is 10 years younger than me has a WHOLE different outlook on M. Its actually scary. They are ready to throw in the towel when times get bad, its almost like the younger they are the less values they have in their own marriages.. not to say that there isn't people out there that value there M, but What I have seen being around My sister and her friends, Its really dissapointing.
Yes men are visual, I get all that, and actually I wouldn't freak out over a little bit of it... But he actually took a naked pic of himself and posted it on an a adult web site. Yup, I stubbled upon it because I was looking for a web site I was on the day before and there it was, he was looking for something obviously, the only thing that I was relived about was that he didn't have a gold or siver membership, so he couldn't email or accept emails on it unless he upgraded... so I really didn't see the point of it.. Well I do know, its about his insecurities. But that is another story.
Take care of yourself
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
We never seperated. But I never really dealt with it. The day it happend July 6, 2006 I did leave for the night with my boys in tow.
He was ashamed etc. Told me he was looking for attention... did I say he was insecure very very insecure. He is a very needy person. I am not. I do take responsiblity for part of it, but not all of it.
We have our ups and downs, but ive been at this for almost 3 years.. We both do not want to leave the marriage, but its hard work. We've had set backs since the incident in July, a recent one that was really big, we were very close to seperating, but he finally agreed to go to IC. But because of our finacial situation we haven't been able to go, Ive been trying to find out what our ins. covers.
Anyways we've been M for a long time, and I do think he loves me, but is needing more from me.. and with 2 small boys to care for I get burnt out.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Do you feel love from him...In Love? this is the part that is Hard for me My wife is in the WAW situation but we are living together. The separation has been excruciating on me. Have been critical of her weight over the years, and she has drawn away from me, while I was drawing closer to her, and looking past it. i was a jerk, and an ass but loved her so much, I have apologized up and down, wrote letters and begged for a second chance. She finally admitted that she was "done" and that she needed space. Until I got the DR book. I am not sure it is working except that I feel like I have control over my life, and am much closer to GOD..I have lost weight, developed a better love for my fellow man, have began to see my wife as the angel she is and have been a better father. I have since improved my life in an amazing amount. But because she is still removed is unable to look at my changes as helping her heart heal. We are very good parents, and niether of us want to put our relationship in a blender, but she needs space to sort all of this out. The catalyst was she met an old boyfriend on facebook who told her that he wished,,yada yada..it messed her up. Anyway, we are in counciling and our counciler thinks and feels that our relationship will be amazing once she decides to give it her full attention.
As a woman...knowing that you have beutiul children and a changed husband, what would need to happen for my preciuse wife and daughter of God to forgive me and give this a second try, I feel that God has to provide the moment, at this point, and I am scared.
ME 43 Her 37 Married 6/98 2 sons 8 and 3 Love em tons Seperated March 20th Her- not sure Me willing to make changes
Yes and No. Yes I love him, and yes in love with him, but sometimes I don't like him.
I can see that she withdrew from you because of your critisim, I would have done the same thing. But time heals, trust me on that. I think that maybe this is just what she needs.
I don't think there is anything in particular for you to do, just give her some space to re-group. She will eventually see the changes in you, and hopefully you will be able to heal your marriage.
I won't sugar coat it, it can be a very long process, but I think that most of us here are in for the long haul.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
thank you for your hope, I am doing many things to change, and I had my vision, so to speak that this was going to take time, and be painful for me. I just want to provide a peaceful place for her at home, this is my goal.
ME 43 Her 37 Married 6/98 2 sons 8 and 3 Love em tons Seperated March 20th Her- not sure Me willing to make changes
