A couple of months ago my W told me, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." I was and am completely devastated. We have been married for close to 10 years and have two children: Age 3 and Age 4. We were college sweethearts. Married at age 23 and are both 34 now.
Since then, I have been reading DR and reading post after post on this forum. Especially Bowtech's Notes!
We are still living together, she has stated recently that she thinks it would be best for us to be divorced. She is also in IC herself and says a lot of her problems are within herself. Communication was difficult the first month and a half. I GAL and started doing 180's, and gave her space.
Within the last week she actually has opened up to me and discussed some of her counseling sessions. The conversations are more about issues with her parents, etc. than with me.
Friday night was her birthday. A week ago she had mentioned she wanted to go out with her friends and I said fine. A few days before she had dropped hints that she wanted me to take her out. So we went out to dinner and then went to a comedy club. We both had the absolute best time. She hugged me about 5 times that night, would hit me on the shoulder and look into my eyes every time the comedian made us laugh and thanked me for her birthday over and over.
I felt like it was the best date we've had in years. I also felt like I could of kissed her or even had sex with her if I tried. I wanted her to make that move though. Was that the right thing?
So...the last couple of days haven't been that memorable. She seemed to be cautious with her guard up again Saturday and today. Am I doing something wrong? I just continued my same routine, AS IF, etc. I just felt a little disappointed because she appeared a little disappointed Saturday afternoon and Sunday (maybe I'm trying to read into her too much, first instinct though).
Do I need to keep strong with the AS IF's, 180's? Should I make a move to her? I might blow my cover.
Also she is going out of town to see one of her good friends this weekend. She has mentioned that she thought it would be a good idea if I took the kids to visit my parents. She might be justifying going to see her friend and making herself feel better for doing that.
If I agree to this would I be turning back into a submissive scenario? Should I tell her that I have a weekend planned with the kids (AS IF attitude). Or do you think that could make her feel even more guilt, which I don't want her to feel. Or do I?
I have not ruled it out completely. I know for an absolute fact that she is going to visit and stay with a friend of hers. Of course I don't know who else could be there. I've spied a bit (email & text), which I know I should not be doing...
As a Spy in the House of Love, I am a firm believer that intelligence is a good thing.
However, understand that your picture will ALWAYS be incomplete, so whatever action you take must be cautious and must not betray your sources. And keep in mind, too, that "her" picture is going to be particularized for her audience. One thing I've noticed in my sitch is that WAW makes herself out to her friends to be a lot gutsier than she is in "real" life.
In any event, you don't want a repeat of this:
"Ahmed! Ahmed! I have the bi{static}{static}{static}ological{static}{static}{static}weapons! All{static}{static}to Saddam!"
U.S.A.: Ah-ha! We told you that guy was a threat!
Post-invasion, completely decrypted conversation: Ahmed! Ahmed! I have the bicarbonate of soda for your upset stomach. Now we can go to the zoological gardens and check out the lion tamer's weapons!All of the animals are still alive, no thanks to Saddam!"
