Hell I am having a tough time of this today. Some great things have happened for me at work and I'm going great professionally - the personal stuff in the background makes it so difficult to enjoy.
Firstly, do you think that your W would REALLY abort this baby? If the answer is yes then truly do you want to be with someone like this? Personally I would say no and end the M.
Secondly, just WHY did your W even get pregnant and THEN let it get to this stage? In order to abort the baby? (My guess is no), or in order to have another stick to beat poor old GH with? ( My answer to this is a resounding YES).
OM has erectile problems and your W likes sex......come on.....who is she kidding. I belong to another board where there are women who are married to men they love and have had children with and who have these problems, (age reated). After 25 plus years of M they are thinking of walking out on them even though they love them......your W won't give up her child for this.
One worry I have though is that they might bet setting you up to think OM wouldn't look after your child because he has these problems but in actual fact he will......so they will fake a termination. I think they know you have access to their emails and are playing you.
Other than that I think the whole thing is a big wind you up. Your W obviously likes hving a H who can provide well for her.....your job is going well....I do not believe she will easily leave her cash cow. Think GH, do you want your W on those terms.....or do you document all her wierd behaviour and then go for custody after the baby is born?
I know you say that you know what is involved in a termination as things get later and later but does your W? Is Australian law that different from the UK law on this? I honestly think your W is going to find it hard to get a termination at this stage when there are no medical factors in play.
GH, I honestly think your W is playing you and just being very cruel. As far as I can see, to actually walk away from her at this point would be a good thing whilst making it very clear that you will always be there for the baby. Whenever you have turned away from your W she has come running. This pregnancy thing has meant that she has got YOU on the hop. Turn it around........make her chase you. You can go on and have other babies, this might be her only chance;....as a woman I don't think she will give that up. If anything she will hope OM will come around.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Sounds like you are on the worst roller coaster ride of your life, and I am so sorry for that. I've been on my own rides, only wishing I could get off, but you seem to be very strong and I applaud you for how you are doing, and the fact your taking the high road.
I have been watching your stitch, and finally wanted to make some observations. Do you think perhaps she is someone who really doesn't NOT know what she wants, with a severe lack of self esteem. Seems she jumps to whomever is fighting for her the most.
W was saying that it's "probably for the best" not to have it if we're not going to be together and that the child would be "sad all the time" without both of its parents.
She said that^^^^^^^^^ That is something she's saying it sounds like to me to KEEP you. OR, to put the blame on someone else other then herself.
I'd also agree with saffie that I really don't think she has any plans on terminating. One doesn't buy clothes for a child they either have no interest in, or are thinking of terminating. ( hate that word ) I think shes trying to find a way to be with the OM and the child, and if that doesn't work- that's why she keeps you on the hook.
However, IF you do think she is capable of that. You could go see a lawyer to prevent her from doing so. You do have rights.
I think your right, shes is unstable, and something went wrong. Do what your heart tells you and stay strong. Good luck, I hope it goes well in the end for you. No matter what you decide or end up with.
I agree with a lot of what diane say's but I don't think she jumps to who fights for her the most....I think she jumps to whoever she thinks she is losing her grasp on and at the moment that is OM as she is carrying GH's baby.
Her past behaviour has ALWAYS been to go and 'love up' the one who was playing hardest to get. I think she thinks she has got GH now and this is why OM has begun to rear his ugly attraction for her again.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I had an interesting morning. I got up and walked to the other end of the house and W was in her father's room with the door closed. She was having an argument on the phone and it was, guess who, OM. I stood at the door and listened for a few moments then walked into the room, straight to her and said "give me the ****ing phone". W didn't give me the ****ing phone and said "Go away GH31, leave me alone". I grabbed the phone off her and said "OM, speak up" but the phone was dead.
W ran into her room in tears and said "you're always mean to me GH31, and we're separated". I replied "I'm disappointed you think I'm always mean to you and separation is a state of marriage. Whenever you're not in your affair you say stuff like "we belong together GH31", "we have a special way about us", "I love your company and your masculinity etc." but having an affair is a cruel and despicable thing and you have to justify it to yourself somehow".
I also added "I'm not always mean to you in fact I care about you a lot and probably still love you. That doesn't mean I want you as my W at any price, but I do care about you".
Then we left home and walked to transport together and W said "OM doesn't want to see me anymore, because I'm pregnant". I said nothing, I've heard this all before and grow more indifferent to it by the day.
Saffie/Diane, I'll tell you a little bit about the background to this pregnancy. In March this year when I thought the affair was history, W and I were having lots of fun and frequent passionate sex; she was also taking a few supplements to get pregnant. We didn't use any type of birth control at all and W never asked me not to finish inside her. In fact, she would often ask me to do it again. That behaviour is consistent with a woman wanting to fall pregnant.
I am quite sure that she had a miscarriage in February (very brief period after sex which lasted an evening and a little clot, and the blood was a different colour - apologies to the squeamish). Then W was asking me to make an appointment with a naturopath dealing specifically in fertility issues. I did this and we ended up going in early April but unbeknown to us she was already pregnant by then.
That's my situation at present. I really am growing indifferent to my W - my responsibility is to protect that baby as much as I am able. The more I am detaching from my W and the chaos that surrounds her, the better I do at work. I am enjoying being in bed by myself and reading for an hour before going to sleep.
At present I am reading Beyond Survival by Captain Gerald Coffee, an incredible book about his time as a POW in Vietnam. During his seven years he was held in solitary confinement, brutally tortured and came out stronger and much tougher as a result. He is a true hero.
GH31 is going to turn 33 in a few days time. When I think about what I was like at 31 I was such a baby compared to today, totally lacking in emotional maturity. I was a very abusive, angry and selfish person with a big hole in my psyche. I am much wiser and stronger now.
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
Good for you for standing up to her. What does her father say to her? I can't believe this all goes on in his house and he says nothing. I can't even imagine what my parents would say if this stuff was going on under their noses!
Her father was out this morning when this happened. He thinks my W is nuts and has told her so, but my W doesn't care. Her 5 siblings all know what she's done and disapprove mightily but it doesn't seem to faze her at all.
