Well, unless my old friends still check this place out once in a while, none of you will have any idea who I am or what I am talking about, but that's okay. I just popped in to journal a bit - have some things I need to note today.
Today is the eleventh anniversary of the day I married my SBXH. Today does not feel anything like I anticipated...proof positive that expectations lead to folly.
Today I am feeling sad, but not because I am no longer with SBXH. The sadness is more to do with the feeling that something that was once lovely has gone. Like the birthday of a deceased loved one, this day has taken on a different meaning - there is a pinch, the sort that comes when we are reminded that plans once made and on which we counted (however right or wrong we may have been to do so) are to be no more.
I am not sad at the loss of a person, not even sad at the loss of the marriage. The source of the feeling is less concrete than such things. I know that this sadness is also ephemeral, which brings me peace. That quality helps me to accept its presence, acknowledge it and then let it go.
Hi Beth, I was reading some of your old posts this week. I am sorry things did not work for you and H. You have such a good attitude about it right now. Have you been in contact with him?
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
Thank you for your kind words. I am in contact with him - we are still completing the separation agreement. I wanted us to be friends so we tried having dinners periodically, but he is not able to be a friend at this time. He has an enormous amount of self-discovery to undertake before he can act like a friend and he shows no signs of doing the work.
My husband is in the same shape. He knows he is lost but does not work toward finding himself and working on our marriage. I am just so heartbroken over it. Do you have a divorce date or just separation right now?
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
Hi VV, Good to see you posting some of your thoughts again...I think it benefits a lot of others to read your words - and to see how you've moved forward in such a healthy, positive way.
Your post summarizes what, in many respects, is one of the secrets to finding oneself: the ability to acknowledge your feelings and let them go. It's something we've talked about before in your thread - and in mine - and it's something that a lot of others here have discovered as well...that there's real truth to the power we see in children to feel what's troubling them, cry, let it go...and get on with their lives. It's a survival technique we're born with - but it's a capacity we lose as we start to develop more and more of the kind of "fix it" personality that brings a lot of us here...
My birthday was last week as well...turned 39...and I had wondered what it would be like. My STBX dropped the bomb on my birthday last year - and so I wondered how it would go this year...and I was fine...didn't miss her, didn't long to have her around...rather, I welcomed the freedom to make the day my own on my terms - and not feel so vulnerable to someone that often seemed determined to make me feel like my birthday just wasn't important to her....I celebrated it beautifully with my boys - at a friend's house with his wife and son.
It's wonderful to hear how calm and strong you sound.
Kelly - in my state we cannot move the court for a divorce until we have been separated for at least one year. I will file the motion on August 6th, it will take about one month for the judge to enter the order and then we will be done with the paperwork.
Kalni - always lovely to hear from you. I hope you are doing well. I am, indeed, still blooming - more and more with each passing day.
Carlos - have missed posting with you. Just left your thread and posted to you there. You have done amazing things through your process and have so much wisdom to share with people here. Thanks for all you have said to me over these grueling months. I am glad you had a good birthday and that you were able to celebrate it with your boys and with your friend and his wife. Sounds like it was lovely.
