One other thing, consistency is a big key! If you decide to do something you will have to do all you can to keep that going. If you decide to let her run and back off keep on that course, if you change up to much it can throw things off. She is not thinking about you right now, and I know that hurts! You will have to make the choice as to how and what you want to do... She will have to find out on her own and deal with what she is doing! If you can change things about you without telling her your going to do this, just do it. You could see some suprising changes....
Me 40 waw 39 Never formally M Common law SD 16 SS 13 Together 9 yrs bomb 10/2/08 She started dating 11/08 Started P/A 01/09 Contiunes to call R over
Wife told me today that she is meeting with a lawyer and that she will be filing for divorce within the next 2 weeks. I am not too happy. I was hoping she would reconsider. Not too sure as what to do now. I don't think I will be able to change her mind in the next couple of months. She said relationship with OM is getting serious. She introduced my stepson to him recently.
I know she wants me to move out soon but we have not discussed that much in detail lately.
I know she wants me to move out soon but we have not discussed that much in detail lately.
Please advise! Thank you!
VC,
I'm very sorry to hear about this. Divorce actions -- even IF she files (and about 75% of wayward spouses who threaten to, never do, and I would estimate for women that percentage is even higher) -- take TIME, and time is on your side right now. Don't panic.
Wife told me today that she is meeting with a lawyer and that she will be filing for divorce within the next 2 weeks. I am not too happy. I was hoping she would reconsider.
VC,
As closely as you can recall the conversation, how did you respond to this?
What else can you do? You get a lawyer and you accept that what she wants at the moment is a divorce. You should also consider that she's cheating on you dude. I know you want to save your marriage, but she needs to make strides your direction, not the other way around. You start working on making the best life possible for yourself. Do what you want as far as the house is concerned. If it's in both your names, don't move out...tell her she needs to if she wants the space. Consult a lawyer ASAP. Split up your finances. Go today and open your own bank account and put half the money in it. Put all your paycheck in your own account. Cancel joint credit cards and have the credit card company issue one to you in just your name.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
How’s it going? That is a big blow! You can roll with it... You should maybe say something like this, I would prefer that this didn't happen but if you want to go then I will help you move or very close to that... this will put this choice of hers in her court... say no more after this. You can be surprised to hear disturbing things but anger or resentment will only make it worse.. I can tell you this most of these affairs end sooner then later, it's their fantasy that they get caught in, there is no perfect solution, BE the better choice…. You will make mistakes but when you do quickly recognize it and admit to it… Doing this with a smile is so hard! But try… Hope your good let us know, remember it was her choice to split she should be the one moving, you’re the man!
Me 40 waw 39 Never formally M Common law SD 16 SS 13 Together 9 yrs bomb 10/2/08 She started dating 11/08 Started P/A 01/09 Contiunes to call R over
When she told me that she was going to file, I said to her that is not what I wanted. I told her that I had realized the mistakes that we had made and that I hoped that we could work through them but she says this is what she wants.
I am starting to accept that. Most of the time when we are home, she stays in the living room. What I find odd is that some nights she chooses to sleep the bed and other nights she chooses to sleep on the couch. A little confusing to me. There is no intimacy or anything close to it when she stays in the bed but some nights it seems like she will sleep closer to me.
She has been going to OM house on her off nights from work. I don't say anything to her about it.
I am not sure if I should just let go or keep on trying to save the marriage. Stepson has also put distance between us. Wife did say that stepson has met OM.
Open to suggestions and as always very thankful for all the support!!!
