Don't leave your house. I agree, if she wants to go then that's her issue. If you want to stay where you are, then you stay. If she leaves to be with OM, then you have the place to yourself (which could be a plus, you never know) but until then stay in your house and don't sleep on the couch. I can't say much about the letter, from reading your posts, I would tend to think it might push her further away since she seems to be moving rather quickly towards D. Just keep doing your 180 and GAL and concentrate on making YOURSELF a better man-don't go to her for validation for any of the changes, just do them for yourself (if you have to keep telling yourself that until it's true, then that works too) and believe me, she notices-even when she doesn't say anything.
Very, I can certianly understand your sitch! One thing you could try and keeping it simple and doing something small going to get ice cream with her and your S or something where she won't feel pressure. I did pressure and really lost far more then I gained, don't let it bother you. Try to laugh a little or bring some fun into it as crazy as that sounds it is important for you to at least do all you can to make her think you can be a happy going guy in the face of disaster! I mean you have to collect your self before you go anywhere. she may shoot you down but be prepared for it. Doing something small can lead to another if you do your best to be happy. Don't talk about your R if you can get this to happen, do your best to find something interesting to talk about. Not the norm talk about something diffrent. If she goes she will probably be cold try to ignore it she will feed on it if you ask why so don't unless she brings something up then sound sincerer about what ever it is that you have done wrong if you apologize for anything. If she dosnt bring anything up then keep it light. Validate her feelings and I can tell you first hand NO pressure at all!
Good luck
Me 40 waw 39 Never formally M Common law SD 16 SS 13 Together 9 yrs bomb 10/2/08 She started dating 11/08 Started P/A 01/09 Contiunes to call R over
At what point though is it OK to let W know what I have learned about our R and myself? Or is that not good to do right now since she doesn't really want to communicate with me.
We are in a lease which is up at the end of Sept. She thinks I will be moving out before then but I have not told her that I don't plan on moving out. She is making plans to move before then to be with OM, I believe.
Also I agree with Puppy, if she wants to go then she will have to move out herself. Maybe let her know you would preffer that she didn't but she can go if she wants to....
Me 40 waw 39 Never formally M Common law SD 16 SS 13 Together 9 yrs bomb 10/2/08 She started dating 11/08 Started P/A 01/09 Contiunes to call R over
Thanks to everyone for the responses, I will do my best to follow your advice.
Puppy, how can I show her that I can and want to be more intimate with her especially after what I've learned about myself? She doesn't want anything to do with me and I don't want to piss her off anymore.
Should I not even worry about being intimate right now?
She's nowhere NEAR ready for this yet. This is a need of YOURS, not hers, and she's simply not going to be in a position to meet any of your emotional or physical needs anytime soon.
A few days have past, and I thought things were going good. I have not brought up the relationship at all for over 3 weeks. We had a couple of normal conversations. She did not avoid me at all like normal at home and she texted me or called me two days in a row from work just to talk about work. She also asked for a back-rub the one day because she worked a double shift. I saw these as positive signs.
Then today was OK but she started talking about an apartment she was looking at but did not include me in the plans. Before she left for work, she said she wants to talk to me about a couple of things on Friday. I believe this will be when I plan on moving out and that she plans on filing for divorce. I am not sure and I don't know what to do.
Very, Hows it going? Did you move to another thread? I hope you found some answers, we all are here... I would suggest that doing what works is the best, being that your in the same sitch as me W having P/A I would be a bit careful about pampering if she is still doing something else. This is a hard time I am in it as well, but people have helped me here and hope you find what you need. If she is looking for an apartment then this may not be the norm but go with the flow. It may take her by suprise that your willing to let her go, perfer her but willing to help her move if she wants.... All we can do is try... Right now she will seem to want the opposite of what you do and thats ok, make she she knows your fine with that.... Hard thing to do... The only reason I say this is because I added pressure and that will not work! this is from experience. try to show your the better choice as well as doing this... Hang in there...
Me 40 waw 39 Never formally M Common law SD 16 SS 13 Together 9 yrs bomb 10/2/08 She started dating 11/08 Started P/A 01/09 Contiunes to call R over
