Bobbi, Mish, Kat, Michelle.. thankyou, it was a special moment. Wholeagain, I'm glad if it helps you at all.
So.. we saw Helen last night. AGAIN! I found it very hard, she was at band night with a gf, sat near to us. She stalked past our table several times, swinging her hips, swishing her hair. BF ignored her (out of respect for me he said). I felt she was like last time, very aware of bf, watching us, being vivacious and smiling alot and sashaying about.. "look at how well I am doing, F-you, look at what you are missing".
I didnt make a drama, or mention it. Still, Cher turned to me unprompted and said, dont worry, she is just trying to get a reaction but bf isnt going to give her one... so my instincts were right. BF was very reassuring as always, said, its you I want to be with and marry, I ended it with her because I knew I wanted to be with you. For some reason that made me only feel more nervous !
I found it hard because... she is attractive. I spoke to him about it and he got upset, said "you are doubting me".. I said I wasnt doubting HIM, I was doubting MYSELF. I find the fact that she was being so confident, vivacious and clearly affected by his presence after nearly a year apart, quite intimidating. Also, it made me nervous she was out again where we were, almost as though she knew.. he said she emailed him occassionally, purely about work and she might put "Good morning" etc (but I already knew this) but NO he had no idea she would be there, and was most insistent and I believe him, of course.
He really didnt see that there was any issue and spent a long time kissing and reassuring me and telling me how beautiful and funny and smart etc etc I was. Its not his fault, or her fault, this is my issue, a residue of insecurity after he led me up the garden path 2008 to turn around and dump me almost, a 2nd time for her..
I explained this to him, that he made a stark choice.. her instead of getting back with me and I asked him again.. WHY? He thought hard and said... because, I felt we had broken up and therefore we had broken up for a reason.. so... (I guess she was just someone new, someone not me). He said its stupid looking back as I clearly wanted to be with you all along, I just made very poor decisions and thats because I cant stress how mental I felt during that time.
I said she seemed like a nightmare (loud) he agreed she was loud, but it wasnt fair to say she was a nightmare.. but she could be.. volatile.
To me she looked edgy, confident, pretty, bigger boobs, brunette and... high maintenance. All my insecurities about age and my boyish figure and my crap hair came to the surface.
But... she has no power over me or us and we were fine last night.. absolutely fine.
She was probably putting on an act also, as you and husband-to-be were there. His reactions just show how strongly he feels about you and also that she no longer has any power and clearly no allure to him.
Michelle, thanks for that and you're right - thats what he said too! Julia, how are you now? I am following along your new life in Bangkok!!
Maria - what a good point. Yes, surreal being at the legendary band night, the scene of many failed and then succesful plots to see him and get back together (we met at band night the night before reconciling)..going there with Cher and G with the fear he would turn up with Helen.. so yes, full circle alright. Its amazing, he was SO unbothered she was there, certainly less than me, he didnt care to notice her and even forgot she was there he said (poor Helen). When they are done, they really are DONE. One for you to think about hey??
We are back where we were, before his Dad died. I wont say its perfect..but I am very very happy in his company and life is good...so why, oh why, do my eyes stray to good looking guys when we go out with friends? Is it that part of me resents that he got to go date someone else in the middle of our 11 year R?? Just have to suck that one up, as they say.
Its 14 years since we met (love at first sight for him).. I was going to talk about this in my speech at the wedding.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Ali, It is so nice to see someone complete the circle in a good way. It is great to see the progress that you both continue to make.
I am reminded of what K(my friend) said to me just a few weeks ago, "She may have said that(something he remembered many years later) but I am here with you, not her". There in lies the truth. He is there because he want to be with YOU!
I hope happiness continues to light your path.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks Kat and yes, she is history. I feel a bit obsessed with her actually, very bizarre, like a morbid fascination.. why!?! I was never remotely interested in any of bf's exGF's. Seeing her and how attractive she is was hard, as I was confronted with the thing we NEVER talked about..that of course he had s*x with her..and no doubt enjoyed it. A horrible thought, but its just flesh hey, it was never a soul connection.
I still feel a bit embarressed and humiliated that she was so integrated in his life.. but then he does too of course! Just seems even more bizarre as we are now getting married. None of the speeches will be mentioning the fact we split up for 18 months and how they all met Helen and that he was with her this time last year! Its just all a bit wierd, not a 'normal' trajectory for a relationship. Not to any of my friends in RL anyway, which is why its nice to come here and talk to all of you!
I have tried to talk to him about the wierdness of his behaviour and how now its like it never even happened. He just says "I cant explain". I think it will take a few years to be forgotton and I'm looking forward to that.
You only have more reasons to appreciate what you have now. People IRL consider weird everything that is not usual. "Can we watch a TV now? You don't have a TV!?! you... are... weird!!!" lol
Are you generally a jealous type? Despite of insecurities I might have (I have one "envy area"), I am plain jealous. I don't act out on it, but it plain sucks!
I've seen one of ex's ex. I was disappointed she wasn't as pretty nor mature as I somehow thought she would have been. Often it's not worth energy thinking much about other person. (I think I'm not speaking English at this point, going to bed now. Have a wonderful day!)
