Did anyone go through this?

[Dee2]

Hello Everyone,

I've been separated from my husband of soon to be 13 years since 11/08...

I am currently living in Egypt for an expat job... I left home (Boston) in 11/06 with my H's blessings and encouragment... We were having a great time traveling back and forth and having a great time in both countries... In 4/08 he asked for divorce... Things have been going really ugly since then... When I went home in 12/08, the doorman refused to let me in saying that my H gave orders not to let me in... H has been lying in D papers saying that *I* ended the marriage in 06!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Although he encouraged me to renew the contract saying that we had been having quality time this way (btw, H job requires him constant travel as well)...

I believed him and I still do believe he was genuine when he said it in 07... But I have nooooooooooo clue what happened to him...

I have reason to believe that his Mom is the one behind it all...
But, hey, he's a Man!

Anyways, his Mom threw out my living room, sent my belongings to storage and later his lawyer asked me to pick up the storage bill or else they'll give my stuff to charity...

Despite ALL this, I still have feelings for H. And I'm hoping for everything to somehow get better... And when I remember what he did to me, I hate myself and I even feel embarrased that I still do have feelings for him!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyone went through this? How do you deal with such mixed emotions of anger and pain mixed with an enormous feelings of love and longing for what we once had???

[JMC]

Despite ALL this, I still have feelings for H. And I'm hoping for everything to somehow get better... And when I remember what he did to me, I hate myself and I even feel embarrased that I still do have feelings for him!!!!!!!!!!!

I can relate to your feelings of embarrassment, but 13+ years with someone is a considerable amount of time. Do not beat yourself up over those feelings.

As it concerns your other drama - lying on divorce papers, MIL involvement, refusal by doorman or locks changed - no, I did not experience that kind of behavior. I did uncover physical and emotional affairs and subsequent lying until confronted with the smoking guns, my ex-w was fairly 'reasonable' in the illogical universe of no-fault divorce.

Is there an OW? Why all the negative involvement from the MIL?

[iamlost]

Anyone went through this? How do you deal with such mixed emotions of anger and pain mixed with an enormous feelings of love and longing for what we once had???

I think this is normal--I think a lot of LBS feel a mix of emotions. I know I do.

As to how to deal with it? I find that just letting myself mourn for the relationship along side a genuine commitment to moving on works for me. Just yesterday I "had a sad" and just cried over the loss of my X, for a bit. Then I went for a walk, and got to work on MY life. I don't let myself be completely depressed anymore, OR completely bury any feelings of sadness.

Let the things he did that anger you motivate you to detach and get on with your life. And let the love for him help you mourn and eventually...heal.

[Dee2]

JMC and iamlost, thanks for the replies...
JMC I don't know what I would have done if I had uncovered EA or PA... This is also very tough... who knows? may be his sudden change was due to one...

As to MIL, I think she's trying to win points with her son... They always had bad relationship... And I was the one trying to make things better... But she always showed me love... I am not sure what happened to her... she suddenly started talking and visiting her mom (whom she hated with a passion)... She started actually having a relationship with her family... And she turned against me so sudden and so violently!!!!

iamlost, I do hear you... I guess the anger is gone... And I am grieving... Thank God for my puppy...he loves me no matter what...

I believe you're doing great letting the pain out yet working on YOU...

What a journey...

Let's keep supporting each other

[JMC]

she suddenly started talking and visiting her mom (whom she hated with a passion)... She started actually having a relationship with her family... And she turned against me so sudden and so violently!!!!

That sounds like a lot of dysfunction.

[dday101798]

Despite ALL this, I still have feelings for H. And I'm hoping for everything to somehow get better... And when I remember what he did to me, I hate myself and I even feel embarrased that I still do have feelings for him!!!!!!!!!!!

didn't get locked out by the doorman, but....

left for someone else directly in front of our children,
purposely beat upoon emotioanlly,
made the laughing stock of town,
constantly had the police called on me (neumorous times and all for lies),
physically assaulted after I refused to play in any more emotioanl games,
Divorce filed upon when protecting my self and our children,
Access to the children stripped away,
Gave up the house and all my belongings there in,

And yet, yes, I still love the woman.

[Dee2]

dday...
I am speechless!
This is so much abuse in all sorts of forms!!!!
I don't know what to say
My heart goes out to u!

[dday101798]

Well, my point was, your situation could always be worse, they all are in their own way, but just to let you know, you can survive it all, but you have to be commited to surviving, despite the simple fact, you will always have feelings for your spouse.