Hi all, we've been married for 13 years, no kids. I am 34 he is 35. I found out in April that he has been in a relationship since January. He swears that they have only kissed but no sex. I told him to leave the house on April 12th. A few of weeks ago we met and he was still seeing her. He told me he had made his choice and we were on the path to divorce. We met two weeks ago to discuss dividing up assets and he told me she broke up with him. He was hurt by the rejection. At that point he said meybe we should take some more time before we do anything rash. We have seen each other very little and are not talking on the phone etc. I asked him to come talk Sunday and told him if his desire was to end it he had to remove his stuff from the house-it's too painful to look at it. I told him I would go ahead and file paperwork next week. He naver said OK -or no or anything. He said his heart and his mind were telling him two different things. He was holding my hand and kissed my neck while we were talking. At the very end I asked him if he wanted some more time and he said a few more days-I told him I wasn't rushing him. How do I know when it has been enough time? I feel physically ill by the hopelessness/hopefulness. Should I be waiting for him to come to me when he is ready? I have not been pushy or pursuing but I'm not sure how long I can handle this. He says he has been unhappy for 5 years however he also lost his job 5 years ago. He is now self employed and in construction. He is also now trying to start a new business with one of his friends. Everything I read points to a mid-life crisis for him. He looks at everything as if it was never good. I am trying to follow Michellle's books as I have read 3 of them at this point. I believe that our marriage issues are about 35% of whats wrong in our relationship and 65% what is going on with him personally. He doesn't think I can forgive him although I told him to have faith in me and at least to let me try. I am seeing a counselor but I was wondering if anyone thinks I ought to give him Divorce Remedy. I don't want to be pushy or anything. Any advice would be helpful....I'm lost!
I'll let others comment on the totality of your post, but the one thing I would say is that if you DO take him back, I would only do it if he agrees to send the woman a "no-contact" letter, and he agrees to total transparency with you. That includes e-mail passwords, changing his cellphone # (and the new, detailed bill comes to you), etc. I'd be very concerned that his sudden interest in the marriage again is only because OW dumped him, and as soon as she comes back around, he's going to bolt again.
