Hi, OK my sister tried to register but there's a glitch so I'm posting her plea for help:
"I have been in a relationship for a little over 2 years w/ 52 yr old man who I love deeply and at the beginning, he felt very strong love for me as well. We have, throughout our relationship, some issues that we needed to overcome regarding what we wanted for our lives, since we both come from 2 totally different life styles. But because we really felt a tremendous connection to each other, we decided we would meld our lives together. Well, during this time, we've had many very intense, emotional conflicts. The one theme that has occurred each time we've had any conflict is he gets so negative about the whole relationship each time and ends it. He says very hurtful things and really feels like it's just no good and he wants it to end. I've been the one who is always trying to get him to see the positives and stay committed. Well, we've been married for almost 2 months now and he says the feelings he once had for me have gone w/ all of our struggles. That our conflicts have just beaten him down and he no longer has the desire he once had for this relationship or for me. He wants to call it quits. I don't know what to do b/c I really believe that all the important issues have been overcome and now it's just working on how to communicate better w/ each other...but he's so closed to me, that we have no intimacy anymore and he seems very decided that he wants to move on and that there's a better life for him on the other side of our relationship. I was practically pleading w/ him to give us another chance...and trying so hard for him to see me for the person he fell in love with. I have tried my best to not do the things that set him off...yet when I just talk about my feelings regarding us and feeling like he has a wall up and not really "in it" like he used to be, he made the final decision that I'm right, he's not in it and he wants to end it. He even told his family the day before (2 days ago) I said this to him so he was already in that place and I didn't know it....I just knew things didn't feel connected w/ him and it didn't seem to be getting any better even though we were getting along and the issues that created most of our conflicts were resolved. He just lost that loving feeling for me...and I don't know if it's possible for him to re-gain them. He says it's not. I don't want to give up and let it end...but I feel like I'm not going to have a choice here....please help!"
TINK...tell your sister that she needs to read DR NOW and let him go. I know it is easier said than done...do they have kids?? If not, it should be a little easier to just make him see that he married her such a short time ago and he may not really like being without her. But he needs to see what that is like ASAP. If she just let's him go now she will not push him away any further. I wish i had done this in the beginning, but my sitch is so different. I just htink that if there is any chance he needs to see that she will not beg him to stay. I hope this helps.
Thanks, Nicole. I emailed your quote to her. I totally agree with you and I don't know if she's strong enough to do that now but it will help that you (and hopefully others) are telling her this.
Hi, she's freaking out. She's saying he's going to be with other women and she can't stand the thought of it. I told her to get DR. They have a counseling session tonight he has agreed to.
She doesn't have time to read it before tonight even if she buys the book after work. How should I tell her to behave when she sees him tonight?
tell her to see what happens at counseling and not to talk to him about the relationship before or after with him. tell her to assess what happens in counseling and go from there. tell her to restate her position...that she wants this to work out, but not to push him for answers.
I don't know what to do b/c I really believe that all the important issues have been overcome and now it's just working on how to communicate better w/ each other
I think it may be more true that all the unimportant issues have been overcome.....
I don't know what to do b/c I really believe that all the important issues have been overcome and now it's just working on how to communicate better w/ each other
I think it may be more true that all the unimportant issues have been overcome.....
I agree. Learning how to stay in a relationship without putting it on the line everytime there is a problem is a very important issue they have not overcome.
