I keep thinking that my H must be lonely without his family. That somewhere in his alone time he thinks this is all a big mistake. That maybe he lays there at night missing us. But then I hear from him, he is so nice to me...in a good mood. Now I am worried and scared that he is happier this way. And with the DBing I am trying to be serene, nice, and upbeat too. Isn't that going to make him feel like he is doing the right thing? That leaving really has made us both happier. Ugh. It hasn't. I am really mmiserable and scared to death. I dream of him every night and we are so happy in my dreams. It is so confusing. It is so hard with the kids...if I didn't have to talk to him because of them I could just go dark and this would be so much easier. Help.
First thing Nicole. I made the same mistake starting new threads but it is better to stick with one or it gets really confusing. Just try to keep the updates on the single thread.
Now, I sooooo relate to where you are at. He will absolutely be happier for a period of time. Right now he feels liberated and has his much sought after freedom. In time you will see how that evolves.
I struggled with and still struggle with not sharing how miserable I am with H. Kids were up last night sick. When he called, I sounded great. I mentioned the kids being sick all night but said I'm sure it'll pass quickly and they'll be fine. Should he know that I got NO sleep, am completely stressed out about the bills, woke up feeling completely abandoned and miserable? I think NO. It is my life and my responsibility to get my sh** together and make it a good day. Of course, if you or I could be judge and jury, we'd convict them for being neglectful, irresponsible, disloyal babies. BUT, we aren't that and they feel totally entitled to be doing what they are doing right now.
I broke down a lot early on. I needed to tell him that for the sake of our children, he needed to leave me alone because I was only falling apart when he contacted me (he was really provocative). I think in the context of drawing boundaries MAYBE it is ok to calmly and honestly express when a behavior is hurtful or not working for you. I'm not sure because I have had such a tough time not getting sucked into the vortex of thinking all about him.
I feel you on the kids. If we didn't have kids, I'd be so dark. But they truly represent the heartbreak in this whole mess. Of course, my kids put on a happy face for daddy and come to me with the hard questions and the drama...I have shared certain things with him CALMLY, when I think he needs to know what they are going through. And, yes it makes him think but it isn't enough to keep him from what he sees as his "destiny."
It has been said, "be a woman that only a fool would leave." That helps me. Work on that, not about him but what kind of woman do you want to be and do you think kicks a**. It is tough not to feel hindered by finances and kids and the loss, etc. I know. But make a list NOW of what that woman might do or be. I'm right here with you. I KNOW how challenging it is and we just want it to all work out but nobody is going to do this for us. It is grow up time.
