I am so sorry you find yourself here again even if it is for different reasons. I have to say I am shocked that you took B back after the domestic violence issue but obviously I don't know what has gone on in between times.
Congratulations on the new baby. You must be totally exhausted. You mentioned you are home schooling S14 how did that come about? What happened to your real estate career? Are you just on maternity leave or is it something you intend going back to. I know it's probably not the business to be in right now but you must have gained some transferrable skills from doing the job. I know it would be hard to work with 6 kids (it was hard enough for me with 3) but at least it would be something for Lisa. Perhaps given your experience of home schooling you could go into teaching when you are ready? All just thoughts.
Keep in touch
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Hummmm..... 6 kids.... that's a lot of potential child support there. Do you think you are better off with him, or without him? Both emotionally and financially? It's easy to think you'd be happier without your spouse if they haven't been trustworthy. I used to think that after the first A, but later I realized that with my children, and the negatives I do know about him (hey, I could end up totally alone, or with someone with similar or worse problems and that definitely wouldn't be better off!), in the long run I'm better off with him....
I think you should DB. By that I mean that I think you need to work towards being happier, stronger or more secure whether he is with you, or without you. For example, any of us here can lose our spouse tomorrow in an automobile accident, or they could decide to leave for another person, or anything could happen....
So whatever extra time you have I think you should start thinking more about youself and ways you want to improve, and work towards making yourself a better and happier person (like you have time with 6 kids???). Life can always change, and it always will. What are your dreams, what are your goals? Is there anything you want to do in life? Something you want to learn? A career you'd like to work towards?
Life isn't about obsessing about our spouses. Be the best most wonderful person you can be... be the best friend and playmate he'd be an idiot to leave, and then figure, if he's stupid he will lose you (and have some hefty child support at the same time!), then that's his problem. You are valuable... and that's what you need to trust in.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
You know Lisa ROT is right you are valuable. There was a time when you had realised this. Is the hormones that have set you back or has B totally destroyed your self esteem again?
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I agree. Hire the best damned family law attorney you can, and get yourself a good settlement. I'm as pro-marriage as anybody, but serial adultery AND domestic violence? You deserve much better, and this is NOT the behavior you want to model for your children.
Lisa.... On top of everything else.... has he resolved his violence issues? I know it's what you wanted, but I was disappointed when I read he was back. I don't have any confidence in him.
I remember this exact situation before. B wanting to reconcile and you not being sure. What I see is B "wants" to but he is unwilling to "try". His multiple attempts and regressions suggest he is only going through the motions to get what he wants.
My advice... move forward with your life and see if he follows. If he does follow set boundaries. The things you will and more specifically will not tolerate. Let him know he has one chance left. If he blows it, you are done with him. I'm not suggesting you immediately open your arms and heart to him. What I'm saying is you build your trust over time. I'm really doubting he can pull it off, but I'm never one to say, let him go. That's your call.
I hope the kids are well. I know baseball must be in full swing right now and you are as busy as can be. Let me know if you want to talk and I'll send my contact info.
