From bad to worse

[harpo]

Well yesterday she asked me when I am moving out.I have no intention of leaving my kids.I am a stay at home dad and she works I have no income as I am disabled waiting on SSD.all of this is killing me and my children but I am trying to weather it out.she also has a stressful job (corrections officer) and works midnights.communication is almost non existant.to add to the mix she is getting advice from H sis who was D'd twice.I just want to scream.she has been sending the kids out of state to her parents every chance she gets and is just pushing me to my limits.I dont know if she is being spiteful or just trying to wear me down.any insight would be helpful

[Kimmie Lee]

I'm so sorry that you find yourself here.

Do not, under any circumstances, move out. Who do these WAW's think they are, anyway?

Also, since you are the stay-at-home parent, check with an atty for advice on spousal support. Be prepared to be ripped by your W for not contributing $$$ to the marriage. I don't know what the deal is, but women are quick to call you a bum and get all resentful when they are the breadwinners.

What is her "excuse" for wanting the separation?

[harpo]

you can check my other post not sure how to put in the link but I guess you can search it

[harpo]

it has now gone way south.she or the kids have not been home all weekend.she has work tonight and the kids stayed at the IL.they are close to my house but it just pisses me off not even a phone call.I could call the troopers but I think that will just make it worse.if I had pulled something like this I would be crucified.

[Forrest Gump]

"Well yesterday she asked me when I am moving out.I have no intention of leaving my kids.I am a stay at home dad and she works I have no income as I am disabled waiting on SSD.all of this is killing me and my children but I am trying to weather it out.she also has a stressful job (corrections officer) and works midnights.communication is almost non existant.to add to the mix she is getting advice from H sis who was D'd twice.I just want to scream.she has been sending the kids out of state to her parents every chance she gets and is just pushing me to my limits.I dont know if she is being spiteful or just trying to wear me down.any insight would be helpful"

The sad thing is that was one of the best post's I have read in a long time. It was easy to read for me.

Off we go....

"Well yesterday she asked me when I am moving out."

Why does she want you to move out? Brief description is fine.

"I have no intention of leaving my kids.I am a stay at home dad and she works I have no income as I am disabled waiting on SSD."

I gather from this that you simply have "no where" to go. This puts a lot more emphasis for me on why she wants you to go. You really need to pay attention. Focus on why she wants you to go. Include that in your "Brief" description.

"she also has a stressful job (corrections officer) and works midnights."

So.. she is "locked up" with people.. while you are asleep?

"communication is almost non existant."

Or.. is the communication 1 sided? Is she over the top.. or demanding? Simple yes/no will do.

Best I can tell you right now is.. just chillax.

Lets get a solid post from you. One that everyone can read.


"S 19
S 14
S 12
S 8
D 6"

From your signature I will assume that things.. are not.. that bad... or they are all adopted.

So on that note..

Lets get it out there.. Explain your situation in your words. Sit down and put some "Emotion" into your post. Walk me through it. I want you to center your thought on the here and now.. why she wants out.. and why you think you should work on it.

Can you do that?

By the way.. welcome to Db.com.

[harpo]

well here goes :

"Well yesterday she asked me when I am moving out."
she is tired of working on the marriage all the broken promises.
I have been an inactive father.bad parenting skills my temper, religion ( Catholic )as I, but have issues there.substance abuse
which I have been clean for 6 months also quit smoking a year ago.and of course I did all the wrong things,begging, pleading
blah blah blah

"I have no intention of leaving my kids.I am a stay at home dad and she works I have no income as I am disabled waiting on SSD."

yes I have no where to go I was in a serious car accident a almost 2 yrs ago and at that time it was decided I would stay at home to care for our children and go on disability.I have disc problems which require major surgery which has been in litigation.I have also been diagnosed with clinical depression but have been in therapy for a year now and feel quite well.except for my current sitch but I am holding it together.I found out today the ins co finally fessed up and I can get the surgery.but now I have no one to care for me as I will be in a body cast for a few weeks and she has left with the kids.

"she also has a stressful job (corrections officer) and works midnights."
So.. she is "locked up" with people.. while you are asleep ?
yes and she gets minimal sleep by choice she runs herself raged
kids baseball she plays softball out with friends she is a union rep always on her cell phone. yada yada

I have asked her to go for therapy she wont she does not work on us any more she just wants out.she is like jeckle and hyde sweet
one minute her head spinning the next.she also has had surgery her uterus was removed because of systs so I don't know if its hormonal.she has also had a stint with bells palsy and put on
steroids (which was not good she became very nasty )but that was around end of april.

From your signature I will assume that things.. are not.. that bad... or they are all adopted.

not adopted all our children.if it wasn't that bad I wouldn't be here.I love my wife and children very much I have 4 boys I am very close with a daughter I adore, all who I haven't seen in 4 days but I don't want to push and really screw things up but at this point I don't see much else I can do.it really sucks and her friends and family are pushing her to go through with it.
sorry if I am talking in circles but that's the ride I'm on.
Oh 1 other thing she filed papers 0n Feb 11 I wasn't served until April 23. I talked to a lawyer papers are worthless I have to be served within 30 days but I don't dare tell her.She has currently left the house and will not return calls.I am up s**ts creek no boat.

once again sorry if I am rambling.

[The Wifey]

Harpo,

First things first, Harpo. In retrospect, every one of us on the DB boards can see things we did wrong and has to deal with a flood of emotions. Panic, sadness, fear, anger, loss, and much more that is wrapped up in every yadda yadda and blah blah in you had in your post.

This is all perfectly normal. The bomb has just dropped and you can't see a way out - YET.

Take a couple breaths and focus on what Forest is asking. He has a way of centering you that you need right now.

Sorry you find yourself here, but we are along to support you. You are not alone.

[harpo]

Haven't been on in a few days trying to keep busy but here is an update.W has taken the kids and moved to her parents.they are only about a mile away.my 2 middle boys stop in and see me when they can but the W and MIL have advised them not to come to the house,this really t's me off.the W and her dad stopped by to pick some clothes on wed.but I think she was just her to bust my nuggets.at first I wasn't going to let her in but after thinking I complied.I moved to our bed room and just kept calm and silent.she started to ramble on that I was the reason our kids can't come home because I won't move out.then later that evening she asked my oldest son (19)to tell the 2 middle boys that what she was doing was right and that I was unstable and she did it to protect the kids,he refused and she threw him out and told him to stay away from the kids.needless to say I haven't seen my youngest S & D for about a week and I haven't called because I don't want to upset them.I went to see a L and have begun the process for spousal support and mortgage allocation as I am disabled and have no income currently.this should blow her skirt up past her ears.right now I am dark and enjoying the P&Q.the biggest advantage I have now is time and patience.they are all crammed in a small two bedroom house and it is starting to get warm.I also sent my 1 son home with a large bag of candy for the 2 little ones,mean maybe, effective absolutely.they will drive the grandparents into submission.OMG more effective then I thought just got off the phone with the W.she said the kids want to come home it isn't fair that the kids can't come home and that S doesn't see why we can't come to some sort of compromise." hello earth calling " I told her in a calm and rational voice that S caused the current sitch and that we were beyond compromise and right now I was too aggravated to to talk about it.S said OK call me when you are ready to talk.I said she would get a call but It wouldn't be from me and said goodbye. I am feeling a little guilty was that the right thing to do ?
and help would be greatly appreciated.thanks in advance and sorry for rambling on.

[harpo]

Things just keep getting better,I have not been able to see my two youngest S and D for almost a month.and after being told if I went there I would be arrested for trespass.I decided I had enough and pick

[harpo]

Things just keep getting better,I have not been able to see my two youngest S and D for almost a month.and after being told if I went there I would be arrested for trespass.I decided I had enough and picked them up from the school bus stop.of course the W became enraged and would not let me leave with them,but then decided to because the children were becoming upset.

just for a little history I have been asking for weeks.The W insisted on supervised visitation.I refused she insists I am unstable and a danger to myself and the children.and here is the reasoning. early on when the W dropped the D bomb I was floored totally.I proceeded to dowse my sorrow in a drunken stuper and did something I will regret forever. I told her I wanted to end my life.yes it was childish, yes it was stupid and yes I was drunk. never the less I said it.I have been in therapy for some time for depression but by no means am I a danger and I asked her to come to see my therapist for verification.she never showed so she left me no choice and at the time there were no custody orders or restraints.anyway I took the kids home they were happy to be there we played had fun and had diner.they wanted to stay and sleep in there own beds.I called the W and informed her and of course she had a fit, threatened to call the state police,call the magistrate.I assured her they were alright.I take care of these kids every day I am a stay at home Dad and she works midnite shift.

First thing in the morning the W shows up with my S's meds he has asthma she gives it to him and off she goes not even a good bye.I dress the kids take them to the school bus and I wave them off.That was very tough to do.I returned home called the wife and asked if I could have them back after school and the following day since they had off.She said she would let me know.never heard back from her but the next morning I was served papers giving her emergency custody.I freaked.in it she stated that I refused to return the children unless she moved back into the marital home.that I am a danger to myself and the children.I refused my son medication.and I threatened to move out of state.of course I am fighting this but here goes another month I don't see my children.my W and MIL have told my children I need help I am unstable.the reason they can't come home is I won't let them in the house.and have told my older sons not to come near me.and to top it off yesterday my D called who is 6 and we are very close,said she misses me and wants to come home.it just rips my heart out.I don't understand the mentality.where do you draw the line.I have been very calm through all of this.when does it stop hurting.I can't even talk to her anymore it's like I never knew her.and here comes the salt,now all the utilities are being shut off.I know she is trying to force me out but come on. anyway sorry for rambling had to get it out