Thank you for the outpouring of kindness!!! Amazing, I haven't posted in so long on my own thread and here are all my friends, still supportive!
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just keep in mind that even your xH deserves some compassion
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How would they feel, be they mother or father, if their ex were to do the same, to bring in another person to act as a parent to your children?
Hey nocode, I promise you I have compassion for xH. I still pray every day for him. I know he is Daddy and nothing will change that. He has a very special relationship with them, and they love him very much. I tell him that when we discuss it. I know he feels threatened that someone is spending time with the girls, but I make sure we aren't together as a 'family' unit (me, the girls, and my new friend), and he doesn't attend school functions and things like that. High road. I can guarantee you xH will not be as respectful when it comes to things like this, but that's ok.
My new friend (BF, I suppose, for an abbreviation) is a great guy. Has three kids and divorced as well. He is a 3rd grade teacher and an amazing person. He is very aware that he will never attempt to 'father' my girls, as they have a father. He is willing to meet and get to know xH (to which my xH said "F that") and do what's in the girls interest. As a father himself, he is hip to the idea and the fear of having someone else in his own children's life (his xW has a boyfriend).
That said, I can honestly say that as long as a woman was a kind person, I would be totally fine meeting and getting to know anyone xH was dating. I would want to get to know them. At this point, who couldn't use another person to love my girls? I wouldn't feel threatened by this person as long as she was a rational person. If xH would get past his issues about me (I am thinking a little of this is about me, mostly about the girls), he would see BF is a good person to have around.
He sounds great lwb.. really and the fact that he has kids of his own I think is an added bonus because he knows how difficult things can be sometimes.
A teacher, wow that's great a good job too... Im so incredibly happy for you. Just goes to show you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you can start living your life and enjoying yourself.
And I know that you would be "ok" with xh bringing someone around, you've always proven to take the "high road" as you say, your xh not so much. But he will have to get used to it.
Just have to ask.. does it feel weird dating someone? I mean you were with Xh for awhile..
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
You have the darnedest way of sticking in my mind. I love the fact that you'd want to know in a positive manner a significant other of your former spouse's in the interest of the children. Mutual 'friction-free' relationships help make life easier for your daughters. I'm trying to implement the same type of thinking with ex and Mrs. ex if and when the time ever comes.
Things sound like they're falling in place for you.. the day job, your boyfriend (...manfriend?). You just get more and more incredible.
Just have to ask.. does it feel weird dating someone? I mean you were with Xh for awhile..
Good question Irish, care to answer that for us, LWB? We are so glad that you are finally getting the good things you so deserve!
Originally Posted By: JoJo's circus
Im'e very happy for you. It seems to me that maybe xH is a little jealous about your new R and about his girls.
I always knew this would happen. I've always thought that your H wasn't sure he wanted to be with you, but he certainly didn't want anyone else to have you. Funny, how this happens...
Originally Posted By: JoJo's circus
Irish asked a good question, how does it feel after all this time?
Come on now LWB...we anxiously await your answer.
Hugs to you!!!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
So glad to hear that you got the day job and that things with the new man are going well. Not so happy to hear about your xh jerking you around as he is. Not nice, not fair! But, I think his twin (my H) would do the exact same to me.
I'll catch up via email soon.
Take care! SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
