It's MY life now!!!........

[Silent Chrleader]

Well,

Major happenings in "SCville", so I thought it deserved a new thread.......

-Told S18 that if he couldn't follow my rules, he needed to go somewhere else.

-Told him and D24 and SIL basically that this was not a "democracy". This is my home where I raised these children for the past 16 years and I am their mother and/or their landlord. We are NOT "equals" (Note: SIL/D24 were to pay minimal rent which they hadn't done yet, and still has not even really looked for a job....)

-S18 refused to leave and said this wasn't my house, it's H's because he is making the mortgage payments.

-Called cops to help S18 make a more reasonable decision.

-D24 and SIL did not approve of me "kicking him out", so I told them that if they could not support my decision of setting this boundary for S18, and if I had to worry about them letting S18 in the house when I am gone I would have to ask them to find another place to live as well. Remember S18 and/or his "friends" have stolen from and trashed this house with his parties which H left it vacant to the tune of thousands of dollars!

-D24 and SIL proceeded to tell me what a terrible mother I was and how crazy I was (for the emotion I showed during this whole scene which admittedly was sometimes not pretty). Told me that this was why H left me and that they did not want "this environment" for my GD. I asked them both multiple times what they would have me do different.....they couldn't tell me anything constructive. So, they took GD, told me I was "dis-invited" to their wedding (which was today) and left to go live with SIL's family.....

-Met with lawyer, talked with C (several times as I was pretty much "in crisis"), and talked with Dr. All say basically "Finally!" This was a long time in coming, and I have to stand my ground and not be everyone's "patsy" anymore. These kids need to build their own life and I need to build mine....

-Spoke at some length to H for first time in a month. He was supportive on the whole. If I understand it correctly, he talked to the rest of my family to enlist their support and then told D24 that if her mother wasn't welcome at her wedding, then the rest of the family wouldn't be there either.

-Today I watched my D24 get married. H brought D24 a card and some flowers. I held my GD. H sat 3 rows in front of me, and was cold and distant to me until I told him to loosen up because our daughter was getting married. He then put his arm around me for a couple of photos. We hugged and wished my D24 and new SIL well, and pretty much ignored the multiple elephants in the room.

-After the wedding, H and I left at the same time. He was cool as a cucumber again and just went and got in his car and drove away.

-I sat in my car and called back a voice mail from an attorney that my friend recommended. I noticed H turn toward town instead of toward the freeway to head up to dream house where he said he was going. A little while later while still on the phone, saw H drive back up the street now toward the freeway. Apparently he had brought OW and had her waiting while he attended wedding and then went and got her.

-This new lawyer was absolutely wonderful! Finally, I felt like someone really understood and spoke my language.

-Right now I am alone in my home and I am OK! I've realized something......My life is MINE! I have tried all my life to make those I love happy! I tried to be the good daughter, and the good wife, and the good mother and judged my success on their happines and always felt like a failure!

-Last night I found out what it really truly felt like to have everybody that I love in this world turn their back on me!! And today I am still here!! But I am different today than I was yesterday. I am a bit more cynical......a little less "giving"....but I'm stronger and I will survive! This will not break me!!

-I love my kids, but they (like my H) do not define me. I can honestly say that I have done the best I could to be a good mother and teach them right from wrong and give them a healthy environment to grow up in. I have certainly made more than my share of mistakes along the way I'm sure, but they are adults now and their life is theirs, as mine is mine.

-I have decided that I will no longer entertain influences in my life that are not POSITIVE!! No matter where those influences come from!

-Puppy, if you're reading this, I think you would be a little proud of me right now. Yeh, I got emotional a few times, but I didn't back down or give up!!

[Creed]

I am standing up and APPLAUDING you!!!!!!

Good for you!

[Silent Chrleader]

Why, thank you, Creed!

[Walking]

That is the most powerful post I've read on here for months.

Well done Silent Cheerleader. Here's to YOU.

V

[naej]

SC, WOW! I cannot imagine what strength it took to do all that, but you found it and did it.
Congratulations and may your new life as the new you be all that you deserve.

I take it D & SIL made it up with you as you went to the wedding.
As mums we do give give give and then some,but you have to draw a line at times.
I hope in the not too distant future they will realise what it took for you to do this and maybe thank you.
Be proud of yourself, here's to the next chapter.

[dl443322]

Hey, my friend. Now that's the person I knew you could be! I knew it all along. You just had to figure it out in your own time.

You did great! You will be ok and you know what, so will they.

Listen, you will backslide, but that is ok, just get back to this place.

I know that you and I are similar in many ways. We love with a fiercess and with such depth. We live for other's happiness and that is not good. Everyone deserves the gift of finding their own happiness within.

So, here's to you, S. Bravo!

May this be the first day of the rest of your life.

[Upside]

SC-
Wow, the strength you have is inspiring. I think many of us here can relate to exactly what you are saying...

-Right now I am alone in my home and I am OK! I've realized something......My life is MINE! I have tried all my life to make those I love happy! I tried to be the good daughter, and the good wife, and the good mother and judged my success on their happines and always felt like a failure!

I could have written this.

My hat is off to you for standing up for yourself...I believe your children and your H will eventually respect you more because of it.


(((HUGS)))

[sandycay]

whooop whoop....(dancing the cabbage patch) whoop whoop... I'll show you in person my moves!

[Silent Chrleader]

That is the most powerful post I've read on here for months.

Well done Silent Cheerleader. Here's to YOU.

V

Thank you, (((WB))).

It was (and is) very hard to stand my ground and let go. Especially when I knew it meant that I was loosing my nightly cuddles with my GD which has seemed like the one bright light in my world lately. (That baby has no idea how absolutely perfect she is!!).

But I really do have to stick to this, and really I guess in some ways it is not so much a withdrawl from them, as an emotional investment in trust that they can/will be just fine on their own.

[Silent Chrleader]

One typo correction I must make....

(Note: SIL/D24 were to pay minimal rent which they hadn't done yet, and still has not even really looked for a job....)

"S18" should be between the word "and" and "still". To give him his due, I must state that SIL does have a job which he has been at for 4+ years, and has stayed there and even didn't take FMLA when GD was born because they couldn't afford it. He did this even though, as I understand it, the company is not at all employee friendly and SIL has not been happy there.