About the other stuff... detach... exh may or may not be angry with you for standing up to him and his problem... that is all. I was the first one to stand up my H, everyone else just ignored him and put up with it. I got all the anger, and yet he is better now.
I imagine between the guilt and the making him face reality i am enemy #1!
I have been sitting on MIL vm for a few days and really don't like how she spoke to me. I sent her this email today: MIL: I got your message the other day but its been so busy here lately.
Just wanted to let you know while I do understand where you are coming from because exh is your son there are a lot of things you don't know. I am sure he tells you only bits and pieces of the truth and what you want to hear. For the record, it was confirmed that what I told you is absolutely true. Sadly, it was not gossip. I did tell him what I knew and told him if it was true how messed up it was and hoped that he would make better decisions for his life if not for himself, for his children.
It saddens me the choices he continues to make. I hate that this new information is getting around and people ask me about it. Thankfully baby is too young to process it. Yes, I am detaching the best I can but when you have a child together and so much contact its very difficult. My only concern now is baby. I will continue to pray for exh but cannot let him hurt us anymore.
On a better note, baby and I have really gotten back into the church family. Its been a saving grace for me. LIfe is going on...not how I expected, but its going.
Hope you are well and you home selling project is on its way!
I can't let her think that what she told me I am agreeing about. Her son ran us over, he is morally corrupt and she won't face it. I know this may not work either but she should know better than to believe the word of an A.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Don't expect her to believe you b/c if she did, then it would mean she would not be the mother /person she thinks she is - remember, the family is in denial too and has to protect the family. you may always be the one who screwed him over in their eyes but you know what? You will always be the one that got away!
Thank you Kass...Some of my friends keep telling me that exh could never handle being with me. He knew he was so messed up that it was only a matter of time before I dumped him so he created drama himself and had an excuse for his exit. He would always say I think I am better than him..i never felt that way until just recently. Now I KNOW I am. I would never put another human being thru what he has put me through.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Typical A drama - I leave you before you leave me - that way you don't get in the way of my drinking. Drama always works.
It isn't you and d that he is running from... he is running to the bottle/can/whatever and in the process is leaving himself and all that matters to him.
Boy, listen to me, I think I am really getting this stuff.
Exh came and had a one hour visit. I guess it was nice for baby but I wanted to kick him the whole time
He was friendly and civil. He wanted to take her for a walk so we all went. Nothing was said about our conversation the night before. This woman has no idea what she is getting herself and her poor kids in to.
He sent me a video he took of baby. I didn't respond. It was full of "come to daddy. Give daddy a kiss. Daddy loves you". Yuck. "Daddy is a loser"!
Trying to be positive. My conversation with attorney helped. He told me to keep gathering info on him if I can. Really messes with the detaching but I will for baby.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
>>He sent me a video he took of baby. I didn't respond. It was full of "come to daddy. Give daddy a kiss. Daddy loves you".<<
You need to decide if you want him "in" baby's life or completely out of it? It seems like you complain about him wanting to spend time with her, and then you complain that he's not there.
>>Yuck. "Daddy is a loser"!<<
I wouldn't let her think, or know that (even thought he is a loser). She has half his DNA. Hearing negative things about her dad, and knowing she's half "his" may make her think she's a loser. Books about kids and divorced (or unmarried) parents always say that you should never "bag on" the other parent to your kid.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Honestly, maybe its a bit of both. I personally don't want to see him, yet I know its the way it is because of his visit setup. The video irritated me as he was swooning over her, yet is not here for the real stuff. HIS choices and the way he wants to continue living his life does not make him a good dad in my book and probably most others.
I never say to baby waht a loser he is. Of course not! Oh, its in my mind though!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
There are some good books about divorce and raising a child. I have one, I think it's called "Good Parenting through your Divorce" something like that.
Just keep detaching. You need to focus less on him and more on yourself sweetie. You seem "stuck". That's a hard place to be. I read your posts and it seems like you have a lot of time of your hands and that means more time to think about the sitch and all its BS. Find stuff to keep you busy so you can place your focus elsewhere.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
