I E-mailed this to my father-in-law...he has been staying in touch with me:
Hi. Is it futile for me to have the following attitude?
My affirmation:
I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!...
I will not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!
I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!
In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness.
I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.
I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.
I pray to God that he helps her to heal. She has told me how she feels...and it seems hopeless for me right now...but I still hang on to hope! It's hard to do when you hear the stuff I've heard! Anyway, I'm gonna put forth more effort now than ever before to LEAVE HER ALONE! We've had no contact at all since the bad phone call on April 30th. I'm gonna try to be motivated by my love for her, since this is what she needs and wants. I'm gonna try to remember that it's selfish to communicate with her when she does not want it! She knows how I feel, and she's told me how she feels. I've got to turn her loose, and turn her over to God, and let Him deal with her...because nothing else and nobody else at this point is gonna change her mind! I am scared of what is gonna happen. But I've got to start living, and quit just existing. I want to keep going, and have a happy life...one filled with compassion on my part, because it was so lacking on my part before! I'm sorry that we're having to go through this, I'm sorry I've hurt the ones I love, and I hope that things will get better for us.
What should I do?
He sent me this:
I am praying about this letter and will respond this weekend. God bless.
And here was his response:
Hi. Is it futile for me to have the following attitude?
"I don't know that it is futile."
My affirmation:
I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!...
I will not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!
"I sense the urgency and desire for reconciliation. You have recounted events and your desire to keep your pledge."
I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!
"I see your desire not to accept what has occurred and your willingness to restore your marriage."
In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness. "That is the right choice, irregardless of the outcome of this situation."
I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.
"Just remember, as humans we all have free will to choose which path we will follow and if amends are possible."
I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.
"you are choosing to to continue to hope and pray for restoration."
I pray to God that he helps her to heal. She has told me how she feels...and it seems hopeless for me right now...but I still hang on to hope! It's hard to do when you hear the stuff I've heard! Anyway, I'm gonna put forth more effort now than ever before to LEAVE HER ALONE! We've had no contact at all since the bad phone call on April 30th. I'm gonna try to be motivated by my love for her, since this is what she needs and wants. I'm gonna try to remember that it's selfish to communicate with her when she does not want it! She knows how I feel, and she's told me how she feels. I've got to turn her loose, and turn her over to God, and let Him deal with her...because nothing else and nobody else at this point is gonna change her mind! I am scared of what is gonna happen. But I've got to start living, and quit just existing. I want to keep going, and have a happy life...one filled with compassion on my part, because it was so lacking on my part before! I'm sorry that we're having to go through this, I'm sorry I've hurt the ones I love, and I hope that things will get better for us.
"I am unaware of what happened on the phone call but I urge you to quit trying to leave her alone and just do it. As you mentioned, let go and turn her loose. I understand you are scared as you do not know the outcome, nor do I. After 15 years of hurt that she has been thru, it is unrealistic for you or anyone to expect reconcilation in a few months." What should I do father-in-law? "I know of couples that have been separated for over a year, also couples that have ended in divorce and after a healing process, have re-married. As we discussed over the phone, you should not tell her you need to talk to her. You should not force the issue. You should not ask the kids any questions about her. You should only show kindness and put no pressure at all on the situation. I know it hurts and you would rather do it another way, but there is no other way. It may take years for reconciliation. You have a responsibility to be the best father you can to your daughter and son, and never say anything negative about their mother. Never pit her against you in anything including finances, privilages, and disciplinary actions if needed. Regardless, it is 6 and 7 years until daughter and son are no longer minors and there will have to be pleasent interaction at all times when dealing with them. I continue to pray for you all. You simply need to no longer initiate conversation with her unless she initiates it with you, no matter how you feel and want to. Simply write a one or two sentence to her reconfirming your sorry for all you have done to her and the kids, ask for forgiveness, tell her your continued desire for reconciliation and that you will NO LONGER INITIATE COMMUNICATION WITH HER AND WILL WAIT UNTIL SHE WANTS TO SEE YOU AND THEN DON'T CALL HER WHETHER IT IS ONE WEEK OR ONE YEAR FROM NOW. It will be hard and sometimes not seem fair, but if there is any hope of reconciliation, it can not be preceived by her that you are pressuring her or trying to control her. Never tell her you need to talk. If and when she desires to talk to you, she will initiate it. Don't discuss her or very seldom even mention her name around daughter, son or daughter. At this point, I believe she knows how you feel and it will be up to her to initiate and restore your relationship God bless and I love you and will continue to pray. In the mean time, continue to work on the only person you have any chance at all to control and that is yourself."
Those are the responses that I received from him. Sorry for the long post, but I didn't know how else to do it. He is basically saying the same things that others have been saying here all along. This is hard stuff for sure.
I would appreciate feedback and thoughts on this. Thank you.
Hang in there antlers, the roller coaster goes up and down, and it's a long long ride.
Hi song.
Got some advice from my father-in-law, who is a real Christian, and he basically gave me the same advice that others here have been giving me. It's hard to do, and would be a complete 180 for me to do it...and stick to it.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I read your thread and have been thinking about it, and two things come to mind.
Actually, one thing came to mind, and the other came to me from reading an old thread here from FaithfulH (I'm sure God directed me to that thread when He did, just like He directed me to your thread when He did this past weekend)
Quote:
I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.
Your Dad wants what is best for you, and he wants your pain to be gone. Those aren't necessarily the same thing.
Quote:
BTW ~ Anyone that is looking for scripture to justify their misdeeds (Yep, I was one) there will be plenty of chances for the Word to be skewed...the reason you are the one called to stand is because you are the stronger Christian. Please note I did not say "better" but the enemy had a foothold in your wife's life somehow before all this. And then the minute she gave him half the chance, he developed a stronghold.
I read that and it immediately resonated with me, and then I thought of you. Praying for you.
