Yeah, I saw that movie......and I did like that idea. Because until you actively search for what you want......you will never find it, I think. For years I have had a file titled "My wants"...guess what? Its an empty file!!!!!!!!
Its definately something to think about. I just need to focus on myself and my career. One thing I know I WANT for sure!
The "responsibility" aspect of life can be overwhelming as it is and I think for MLCers, its probably exaggerated. I thought it was interesting that my H said he MIGHT be having a mid-life crisis, but isn't he too young? (he's 38)...its like he answered his own question within that question! Have a great week everyone.
One thing I am keeping at the forefront of my mind is that he is trying to ease things for me as he plans his exit from my life. I know it. It was good to hear it from you today actually. I have to keep reminding myself actively.
I am doing my best for myself, but I don't want to be shocked either........cuz the more I think about it and the more time that goes by, the more I think this D is going to go thru. H really thinks and has convinced himself that going thru with the D will help him feel no responsibility for me....even though its not like he has done a lot for me in the past few months now. But boy can he be stubborn! I must prepare for that. Thank You.
Journalling..... I can't believe it, but I did not have time to think about H today! I got home at 8pm, showered, and am so exhausted, I could just fall asleep, but am going to wait an hour or so at least. I have to get up at 6am tomorrow morning. I can see how this is going to be very helpful. But, on the other hand, I will say that I really wanted him to be home when I opened the door! SIGH! One step forward...another back...HA!
Anyways, too tried to even think right now. I can't wait til January, so I have about 6 months of work under my belt and I can stop feeling so much anxiety and just uncertainty.
I have no thoughts even about my M. Is this how he is feeling? I feel like I just can't even go there.......not that I want to dissolve the M, but that I don't want have energy for it tonight. I feel some weird sense of empathy for H.....NOT excusing him, but just....a different sense of understanding.
Also feel strange, calm, empathy...but thinking about him less and less. today I did a bit for some reason and was sad, but mostly because I realized how much I hadn't been thinking of him and so when it hit it hurt.
Good to be busy, and to not have any expectations from them right now.
Be well, TD
Me 30 H 33 together:10 years married:5 years Separated: 1/23/09 living apart 5 mos and counting "when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"-FDR
Hi Traveldane....I really wanted to check in on your blog last night and just did not have the energy. I am glad to hear from you. I was thinking this morning that it is good I am thinking of him less....because our co-dependency attitude is really changing! We still love them and want to share our lives with them, but we are offering more to them than ever...
I think we are on our way to becoming women that only a fool would leave!
Will check in tonight. Have a great day! Gotta run!
No time today either.......its 11pm...gotta get to bed cuz I have another early morning. Tomorrow is my first official day.
H called twice today during the day...didn't pick up cuz I was swamped with meetings...but after the second.......and another 3 hrs later...I texted him that I would be done at 6pm. He promptly called me at 6:15pm - to wish me luck tomorrow and tell me how happy and exicited he is for me!
Nice........but, probably who knows......probably his first chance to feel like he can get rid of me cuz I am officially self sufficient in every way tomorrow. I am doing a job where I get paid!
Anyways, for now, I just want to make it thru the next couple of weeks.........and more importantly tomorrow. So hope you all had a great day!
I haven't checked in lately, but I just wanted to wish you well on your first day at the new job. It sounds like you are on a positive upswing - I am happy for you!
A note to you, me, and everyone who is reading your blog: We will ALL prevail. Every single one of us. Most of us don't know how things will turn out, but in the long run WE WILL PREVAIL. Let's all remember that!
Me: 48 H: 47 M: 16 years Separated: 4/24/09 3 cats, no kids My Story
You know there could be a lot of reasons that he called. I don't think it is what you think. Somewhere in there I think he still has genuine concern and happiness for you as you succeed. Why? Who knows and you shouldn't read too much into it because you are focusing on the right person now... YOU! Nice thing about not having children is that you can worry only about yourself and put all your effort where it is most needed. then worry about other stuff when you headed in the direction you have chosen.
As your friend I would say that it sounds like you are getting there. Your H is probablly noticing that but more importantly and hopefully ... you are.
As you may remember, I'm here In Georgia on vacation, visiting my D. This is the first chance I've had to check in to see how you were doing. Sounds like you are doing good and standing strong!
I wanted to wish you GOOD LUCK on your first official day at work. You'll do GREAT! It's all UP from here girl!!
