I'll defer to Hoop on this one. It's an interesting turn, and it sounds like this guy is really working with you to give you the best of both worlds on your options. Answered prayer??
Maybe I'm missing something here, but why are you going to ask her if she's ready to file? Why is up to her? What would you do if she says she's not ready but still wouldn't want to come home? Wait till October when OM leaves and see if she comes back to you then?
This is a tough spot... I see EnoughAlready's point, which is typically my stance. But now we're in a strategic spot, trying to get the best settlement before officially reporting/outing.
Out of principle, you don't want to divorce her, because this is her deal, not yours. But then, how do you ask to be served? How credible would it be?? Perhaps you would have to say something about seeking peace and resolution so that you can begin to heal and move forward.
However, it might serve you well (when it comes to settlement) if you are divorcing her on the grounds of her infidelity. Getting that on divorce papers might help you with custody.
It's an interesting turn, and it sounds like this guy is really working with you to give you the best of both worlds on your options. Answered prayer??
Yes he is, I thought it was interesting as well and yes, I believe this is an answered prayer. I'm actually relieved that nothing is going to happen today and that this man is wise enough to show me what he can offer.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Maybe I'm missing something here, but why are you going to ask her if she's ready to file?
She already originally said she was going to file. I think she's been holding off because she's not sure. Basically, in nutshell, I want her to believe that it's her idea and she has already stated she would give me anything I wanted. This way I'll get what I want(not really but at least I'll be better off financially) and she thinks she's getting what she wants.
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Why is up to her?
It's not up to her but once again, I want her to think that it is. In other words, I want her to think she is the bad guy and she is. Not sure if that makes sense.
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What would you do if she says she's not ready but still wouldn't want to come home? Wait till October when OM leaves and see if she comes back to you then?
A fine question. I don't know at this point is the answer. I will probably ask her why she's not ready as isn't this what you want? I will not wait till Oct to see if she wants to come back then--this is not an option--I'm quite sure I could find another woman before Oct.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
But now we're in a strategic spot, trying to get the best settlement before officially reporting/outing.
That's the way I see it. Why not get set up before the official exposure? Protection for my D is the most important thing in my mind right now.
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However, it might serve you well (when it comes to settlement) if you are divorcing her on the grounds of her infidelity. Getting that on divorce papers might help you with custody.
It is my understanding that FL is a no-fault state. I am hoping for joint-custody with rights as the custodial parent for right now. At this point, I don't think she has a problem with that.
Last edited by AFWAW; 05/12/0905:19 PM.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
What does "no-fault" state mean? That there doesn't have to be a reason listed on the papers? Or that, they pretend that the reason has no weight with regard to what decisions are made for custody and settlement?? (Yeah right... A judge will give you everything if he/she sees your situation accurately.)
I would want INFIDELITY on those papers, if there is anywhere to list a reason for divorce.
Don't temper your goal for custody and settlement. Reach for the moon so you'll at least land among the stars.
It means they don't take into account infidelity. They look at what the best interest of the child is.
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Don't temper your goal for custody and settlement. Reach for the moon so you'll at least land among the stars.
Meaning what? She doesn't have a million dollars nor does she have a "golden vagina" like you mentioned before. What else is there?
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
My attorney -- who is here in FL and who specializes in "men's rights" and paternal custody issues -- told me that while Florida IS, in fact, a "no-fault" state, that it CAN (and often does) come into play in the custody portion.
Child support is non-negotiable, and a basic formula. It is not taken into account when figuring alimony. But for CUSTODY, it is.
As much custody of your daughter as possible. If you end up moving to another state, you take her with you. Your W has to provide child support and contribute to that ivy league university.
I would still want the facts presented with a good lawyer, somehow. The "best interest of the child" is YOU, the guy who kept his promises and upheld the best interests of your daughter through an impossible time.
What does your lawyer say? I suppose you have your "goal" based on what he/she has advised.
