Ok, wow, it's boring without my daughter here. Feels so weird. I'm still reeling from my conversation w/ my wife the other day. I really, really, really don't understand how she allowed herself to get into this situation where she feels that she is so in love with a man that is married, is ok if he cheats on her, and has no future with but still wants to be with him. WTF??? What does this guy have? How is it that this guy is so good that he isn't satisifed w/ his own family? Why did he have to take mine?
I wanted to go out to a bar last night but resisted the urge. Ugh, this is going to be tougher than I thought. I gotta find a way to get through this. Wow, a lot of rambling, oh well.
For all you Moms out there, Happy Mother's Day!
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Though, of course you have things to recognize about what could have been better in the marriage and what you could have improved. In her case, though... It isn't a case of a woman falling in love with one man and getting emotional needs fulfilled. She is wound up in getting validation through sexual attention, and I doubt that she is easily going to find ONE man to feed her addiction. The fact that the OM might cheat on her makes it that much more satisfying when he comes around to your W... "Oh, he can have 10 girls, but he still wants ME."
Though, of course you have things to recognize about what could have been better in the marriage and what you could have improved.
Believe me, I think about this on a daily basis and pray for the opportunity to have a better marriage if the opportunity arises.
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She is wound up in getting validation through sexual attention, and I doubt that she is easily going to find ONE man to feed her addiction. The fact that the OM might cheat on her makes it that much more satisfying when he comes around to your W... "Oh, he can have 10 girls, but he still wants ME."
This makes sense as she has slept w/ 4 men(that's all she admits to) in 7 months. And she likes it! She likes the fact that she can sleep w/ as many men as she wants!
I'm still laughing about your comment the other day about your doubts that my wife has a "golden" vagina. LMAO!!! I'm sure she thinks she does at this point. I pray that she comes crashing down hard soon. I think she may as I should find out tomorrow night the name of the OM. Once I do, I'm probably going to report them both. In the military, since it's illegal for officers and enlisted to have any kind of unprofessional relationships at the very least, they should be given a "no contact" order which means they are forbidden to speak to on another or do anything together. If they are seen conversing or whatever they do, they could be charged accordingly and given severe punishments. Will my wife hate me at this point? Probably. But at least the affair will be exposed and it will be closer to being over. We'll see.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
I'm still laughing about your comment the other day about your doubts that my wife has a "golden" vagina. LMAO!!!
ummm she might need to see a Dr. about that. ROFLMAO
Sorry, but I could not resist
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Ok, D just got home. Wife came in for a bit and got some more of her stuff. She asked me if I was going to be mad for long. I said, I'm not mad and I'm not. I'm just not interested at this point. I think she got that as she told my D goodbye but did not seek me out to tell me anything--good, I'm not going to be there for her that way anymore unless she's going to recommit to our marriage which is laughable at this point to me. D reported to me everything to include the wife telling her that she has a boyfriend. She also said that if Daddy and I get things worked out I may come home--yeah, right! She told D about all the stuff she talked about w/ me before about how I didn't treat her right. She left out all the ways she didn't treat me right either--whatever. Now she's justifying her actions to my D. My D said she's no longer afraid of her mom which is good. She told me that she gave wife her Mother's day card to which her response was thank you, but I'm not a very good mom. (D said she agreed although she didn't voice it) I just listened. D also told me that she thought she knew his name as she saw it on a computer game that she was playing on the wife's computer(yes, she told me). So now, when I get my info from my friend I will have 2 sources.
Hoop, if you're out there, how can I do this with the least amount of collateral damage? Should I just go to my CC and tell him that I have reason to believe that my wife is having an inappropriate relationship w/ an officer or do I introduce proof? I would love to be able to expose so that the wife does not know or cannot prove that it was me that did so. Any thoughts?
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Man I don't know what to say except that I feel your pain. Your wife sounds like she is dealing with some serious issues in her reality. Sorry you are having to experience this. I know in my sitch having a daughter makes it tougher because there is a lot of contact and conversations that I would love not to have. Daughter first and do your best so that she doesn't deal with this crap again when she is our age and in her realtionships. Your wife even talking to daughter about any realtionship issues is screwed up!
easier said than done ... you have people in your corner!
AFWAW, So sorry to see you in this situation...do not say anything to your wife about the exposure. If you want this to be as low key as possiible it will have to be someone in her chain of command. I would recommend you make an appointment with her CC and 1Sgt if you can without her knowing...
I would tell your CC and 1Sgt if I was you...based on what she told your daughter..."She told D about all the stuff she talked about w/ me before about how I didn't treat her right. She left out all the ways she didn't treat me right either--whatever. Now she's justifying her actions to my D." - it makes me wonder what she has told her co-workers about you. Very common to justify the affair...
With you telling your CC and her CC it will force an investigation. What proof you have should be given to each CC. I would tell them that your goal is not punishment or revenge but an effort to save your marriage and a chance for a family for your daughter.
This is not going to be easy...I would also tell the OM wife if he is who you think he is and is married. Until the affair is over you can really do nothing to attempt to salvage your marriage...the no contact order should give your wife the wake up call she needs to understand this is not just party time and she could lose a stripe, future stripes, and her retirement check if she continues this lifestyle.
You are doing good but should step-up your detachment more...she seems to come and go as she wants at your house...it is soon time to stop that, box her stuff up and put it in the garage, change the locks, you can arrange regular hours for your daughter to visit and she should not need to enter the house to pick her up. Things for you to think about...
AFWAW, So sorry to see you in this situation...do not say anything to your wife about the exposure. If you want this to be as low key as possible it will have to be someone in her chain of command. I would recommend you make an appointment with her CC and 1Sgt...
I would go have a talk with my CC and 1Sgt first and ask for advice. Tell them you just want the affair to end.
...based on what she told your daughter..."She told D about all the stuff she talked about w/ me before about how I didn't treat her right. She left out all the ways she didn't treat me right either--whatever. Now she's justifying her actions to my D." - ...it makes me wonder what she has told her co-workers about you. Very common to justify the affair...
What proof you have should be given to each CC. I would tell them that your goal is not punishment or revenge but an effort to save your marriage and a chance for a family for your daughter.
This is not going to be easy...I would also tell the OMs CC and wife if he is who you think he is and is married. Until the affair is over you can really do nothing to attempt to salvage your marriage...the no contact order should give your wife the wake up call she needs to understand this is not just party time and she could lose a stripe, future stripes, and her retirement check if she continues this lifestyle. Do not try and call her for any reason after you do this...she is going to be embarrased at work and blame it on you. No worries...first, there are many who already know and are going to think she deserves whatever happens. Just low profile for a couple weeks...try to gather evidence.
You are doing good but should step-up your detachment more...she seems to come and go as she wants at your house...it is soon time to stop that, box her stuff up, and put it in the garage, change the locks, you can arrange regular hours for your daughter to visit and she should not need to enter the house to pick her up. Things for you to think about...
