Game Over?

[dday101798]

Hi,

Moving over from my thread that I can't believe has not been locked in WAW.

So the brief rundown:

Together 12 years, married 10.5, two boys 10 & 12. Major issues developed 8/04 buying our "dream home" in an inviting market. MIL psses 2 years later, W goes in undetected tailspin, lives the "party life" leaving me to blindly take care of everything else in her absense and thus create my contributiing issues of resentment and emotional withdrawl.

3/07 six months after MIL passes, we learn we are pregnant, presumably with the daughter we both wanted so badly since day one, not to be, baby was lost.

3/08 - 7/2/08 W begins to stray from home, losses main job, the party is the priority of life.

7/10/08 I find W with OM.

7/12/08, W moves out into FIL's, with OM.

Thanksgiving 08 - W announces her engagement to OM to friends and family

2/5/09, in repsonse to a order of protection placed upon her for assaulting me W files for D.

2/6/09 - current, W has temp costudy pending final decree, still lives with OM.

2/15/09 - As promissed 2 months prior and without visitation of the kids, I move out of "our" house.

4/22/09 - after last court date, I decide to opt out of the custody battle and let things be, get my visitation and jsut end the nightmare and not subject the boys to anymore.

5/4/09 - W's attorney FINALLY responds and is accepting of the settlement offer.

Of course inbetween this timeline, there were times of "hope" all though I'm not sure if I believe them. Most striking was New Years, W claimed she wanted to be with me, of course wasn't, we had 2 meetings afterwards to 'talk' in which W claims to still have extreme feelings for me, wants to work at things, but is all ended with "too comitted to OM and kids are too attached"

[dday101798]

Hopefully that is enough history. I of course did all the things a LBS shouldn't do, beg, plea, cry, etc. Did that up to and through our 10th anniversary, then started doing things better.

As said, there were times where it 'seemed' as though she wanted to work on things, however, NEVER and til this day has seen the fact she lives with OM as a problem.

Most recently, Monday night when I called to talk to our boys, she answered. She thanked me and was very flattered by an offer I made to go see a band we both like tonight for Mother's day. She said although she'd love to, it wouldn't be right, but we do need to talk more to be more friendly with each other so can we can do things like that and "who knows". That she still misses me and wants to hang out with me.

I am of the postion, we are in final stage of a D she intiated. Sure I did it wrong most of the time, but I remained willing to work for a long painful time. I had set the deadline of 2/1 to move out of the house, of wich I had told her, if I do, that is pretty well it for me (call it a LRT). But anyway, what could possibly be the harm in trying to be friends now and maybe do something together?

I finally detached myself from the situation almost entirely in about March. My life now is my time with our kids when I have them, and helping my older cousin out whom I now live with.

Back to the call on Monday night. All was calm and peaceful for about 10 minutes before she exploded into another one of her tirades to crusify me solely for the R & M problems. Why? It's almost over. We just seem to simply not be able to have a sane conversation. I've let all that go, which I think enfuriates her more. It does seem like each step we take through court makes things a little less tense, but none the less, the end result is always the same.

So, that's it for now, been meaning to post here for while, just hoped D was not the answer.

BTW, never once have I heard the ILYBINILY, and she ahs freely said, she does still love me, I would love to say that is all part of the game, but when we do make eye contact I know she's still there, somewhere.

[dday101798]

Just kind of journalizing I guess.

Another attempt to be cordial and extend a hand in friendship denied.

She asked me to call her last night in regards to finishing up our conversation from Monday night that did not end so well (on her behalf). So I called and she immediately 'logged in to combat mode' so that conversation never took off nor lasted long. Once again wants to be friends, but will not let her hostility go.

Oh well, I have better things to do for myself and family than fight with her over the same old issues that she denies. I've recongnized my issues and have learned and grown from them and live to not make them again. She seems to thrive off her denial and wish to try and make me live in misery. That I will not provide. I find it very saddening for her, I really do.

[JMC]

NEVER and til this day has seen the fact she lives with OM as a problem.

Can you give a little more detail here. Do you bring up the living relationship? I have a similar story. Our D is engaged and ex-w needed $ for a down payment for the band. As such I mailed a check to the OM's house where she lives. She then mailed me a receipt from the band, but used her sister's home as a return address. I have to laugh. As I mentioned on BF45's thread, the common aspects of these stichs continues to amaze me.

[dday101798]

NEVER and til this day has seen the fact she lives with OM as a problem.

Can you give a little more detail here. Do you bring up the living relationship?

Thanks for stopping by.

More detail, pretty plain out, she left me for OM (our maid of honor's brother and to whom W is a god parent with), moved out of our house, and in with him, in her father's house of all places. See's no issue of this occuring right in front of our kids and them also living with OM is no big deal either as "they know him".

This of course after 10 month's of "it's not like that", so what honey, you two read each other bed time stories all night?

That's all I have left that I am still bitter about. Yes I accept and forgive it, and I tell her that, and she still denies it.

[JMC]

That is bizarre. What does she deny? That she is living with him?

[dday101798]

Essentially she seems to deny the entire situation as a whole, like 'hey or marriage doesn't work so this does and it's okay'. I truly honestly don't know.

As said, in our last few conversations she will be warm and inviting to the notion of working to be friends, then partially freezes and says "wait, we can't be friends because when we tired before, you'd be fine one day then hate me the next". To which I scknowledge and say 'I don't nor have ever hated you, but it was really hard to try and "be friends" with my WIFE who goes home to someone else'. And she just never has nor does understand the concept of how ackward that is.

Well, here we are today, we will no longer be married, and I've done my work, so why not try now and make all this in any way easier on the kids? Am I prepared to have barbeques with this guy? Heck no. But fact of the matter is, she is his, and he is hers, nothing I can do about that.

I had to convey to my attorney this morning my thought that perhaps she is having 'second thoughts'. He and her attorney have been playing a very expensive game of phone tag and he gets the feeling that something else is going on, and if I would be able to talk to her directly.

For some reason, now, after Mother's Day she will not speak to me at all. I had taking the boys to the cemetary in the morning to her mothers grave before returning them to her for the day. That seemed to really strike a chord for some reason. No one else had been there, the headstone was all covered up. I told her that I and the boys layed down some white carnation I grew in my garden for the occasion. Not sure if that's it or not.

I had spoke with S12 last night and he was excited because she finally retrieved a train set I had bought him for Christmas from "our house". Shortly after, I sent her a text thanking her for doing so (it really upset him and it was expensive). No reply.

I also sent her a text this morning at my attorney's request to ask if she were working (with the intent to talk). No reply.

Other than the cemetary, all I do know is that when I asked the kids what they got her for mother's day, they said, "OM was supposed to take us and he forgot". Oops, not my problem.

[dday101798]

Ok, so another e-mail from the attorney wanting to know if she responded from this morning. No, I'll try again and be more direct.

This time I flat out asked if we are settling as offered (don't see why not, the offer on the table is everything she asked for in the petition) and that my attorney is just wasting time and money chasing hers around and whne he does get a hold of her the answers are very vague. No reply

I don't get this. The next step in all this is our kids having to go in front of a mediator and then the judge and that is what I'm trying to avoid by pretty much giving up. That in it'self hurts me more than the fact she left the way she did. And now, won't even give on insight as to what is on her mind.

Craziness.

[dday101798]

STBX finally broke the silence last night. Says she's meeting with her attorney on Friday to discuss the settlement.

I thought losing her was bad painful. Backing out to part time status as a parent is even worse.

[dday101798]

Just logging last nights event.

Visitation with the boys much the same for a Wednesday night, quick dinner and bowling. Boys were quite a handful with each other. Constantly fussing and what not. Can't wait til we can go back to the local bar and grill like we used to. We all enjoyed that so much and it is conciderably cheaper than the current option.

S10 informed last week of an upcoming play at school he is in, well last night he drops the bomb one is today at 1:30 and the second on Friday at 9am. He said she is going to the one today, and after I told him I am half staffed at work today so I'll go on Friday, he said "yeah, Mom's going to the one tomorrow so that's probably not a good idea you go to that." Curiously I looked at him and said why not? We can be the same room together, let alone a crowded gymnasium. He grinned and said it would be nice if we went together. I just left it at that.

On the way back, we stopped for ice cream and was running late, called STBX and let her know we'd be about 5-10 minutes late, she said no problem.

When I dropped them off, she came out for a smoke. Asked me for a light, I think on purpose, she got uncomfortably close and made sure to put her left hand in front of my face to notice a new ring on her finger. Didn't bother me and I was as casual as can be. Once again, seemed to kind of get under her skin that I didn't get upset or anything.

I was over all uncomfortable as a thunderstorm was rolling in with lighting everywhere. We used to love to just sit on the porch and be together thru the entire storm. That felt a bit odd. Another oddity, when I picked them up, she gave me a door mat with "our" inital "W" for my last name, identical to the one we had at "our house". That caught me off guard and she detected that and said, "well, it could be a "w" or a "M" (for my cousin I now live with).

After I left she called me about the play schedule, almost to try and make sure I knew she was going to the one today. I have a gut feeling all this will be easier to manuever through once the D is done.