AFWAW, Off-topic...did the Bronze Star make the PECD and you confirmed it is in your records? Ask for a copy of your records "AS MET" soon. Deployments are masked again so the citation and EPR is the only way the board will know you were deployed...sounds like you have done a great job preparing yourself...I would add that you might talk to your 1ST Sgt and see if you can fill-in for him when he is on leave...I still feel that was what gave me that extra "bump" for the stripe...most don't so when it is in your records it stands out...take care
AFWAW, Off-topic...did the Bronze Star make the PECD and you confirmed it is in your records? Ask for a copy of your records "AS MET" soon. Deployments are masked again so the citation and EPR is the only way the board will know you were deployed...sounds like you have done a great job preparing yourself...I would add that you might talk to your 1ST Sgt and see if you can fill-in for him when he is on leave...I still feel that was what gave me that extra "bump" for the stripe...most don't so when it is in your records it stands out...take care
V/R
Nope, PECD is 30 Sep, it just made it in this week. Deployment was on EPR. Done the 1st Shirt gig also--I'll do it again if he wants--did it for 3 months straight before--I'm confused why my board score went down to be honest with you. Like you said w/ the BSM should be good next year and based on my sitch it takes away a lot of stress also. We'll see what happens.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
AFWAW, The board scores are very fluid and always move up and down. Your score is not important...what is important is your standing...ie #5 of 20. If that is changing you need to talk to the CMSgt's in your AFSC and ask for advice...good job on Shirt duty for 3-months...try to get a few weekends in this year and do a couple of promotion ceremonys and MC a retirement for a SNCO. The board likes those things...and of course if goes without saying...do a good job and do not fail PT...a failure on PT is the kiss of death for a SNCO. I forgot, have you done your SNCOA? If so it sounds like you have done what you need to do...I also hate to add this but your life is almost a mirror image of mine and I have found this common so, here goes...when you are mil/mil the assignments are limited, if you have had to "homestead" to stay together (and this is common) then you may find yourself a year or so behind your peer group being promoted...nothing wrong with your performance just the way it is condidered under "breath of experience" that was one of the reasons I felt you should think of Mt Home...if you are not able to PCS (and you are really not) are you in a position that you can do a new job with a different duty title? Just a thought and...please do not tell me you are embarassed to be a MSgt in our USAF! That is a great accomplishment that many do not make. Aim High! )chuckle( Go Navy - See the world through a port hole and all that!~
WOW, just had a long IM conversation w/ the wife. She told me again she couldn't decide what to do. I said what do you mean? She said about coming home. I said what's the problem. She said I still love the OM. I said I really don't have time for this. I will not share you with another person, this is not acceptable to me. She said, I know it's not fair. She said, i really don't feel it's going to happen John, i'm not coming home. it just doesn't feel right.you're an awesome person. an awesome man and an awesome husband. I'm the opposite. I have done so many unforgivable things to you. I can't seem to let the other one go. I asked if he's still there? She said:he's gone to visit his family but he'll be back. i love him too. to live w/ you, I said?
She said, it's done. we're done. i am just prolonging the inevitable. i don't think it's fair for you to wait there until he PCSes and i can't seem to leave when he's physically here. once he's gone i'll be ok. i know this has to hurt but i'm so tired of hiding it all.
I said, well you're choosing to do this, not me.
She said, john, i can't come home. i don't want to. it won't be ok. i'll be a basket case and i won't be able to function.john i just can't do it. it's like i can't end it with either one of you. when i'm there it's so comfortable and relaxing but it's the same here when he's here. i honest to God love you both. i don't want to have to decide.
I said, you're not making any sense--is he going to leave his wife for you? John, I know he's not going to leave her. I didn't leave you for him. I was going to leave anyway. I told you I was leaving before I ever even met him. I just want this to be over with. I don't want you to hurt but I don't want to be married. EVER. I know he'll cheat on me if he isn't doing it already. I don't care. I just want to live my life and not answer to anyone. I want to be free to see/eat with/f#$K anybody I want.
This went on and on and I told her that I thought it would be a good idea if she didn't come over tonight. She said fine, I want our daughter this weekend. I said no, she has counseling on Sat and then we are going to see a movie. She said you know I had planned to get her this weekend. I said, no actually I didn't as you haven't mentioned it.
She said I think I'm going to file in a few weeks. I said I think that's probably a good idea. She said are you going to sign or do I need to get a lawyer? I said that depends on the terms. She said what do you want? I've taken all the bills and you have our daughter. All I have left is blood--what do you want? I said let me think about it, I'll get back to you.
Then she asks if I feeling vindictive and if I gonna turn her in. I said, is that what you want? I told her that I thought our daughter knows--she said did you tell her? I said, no but she asked me questions about the mens soap and she saw extra pairs of boots in your closet. She said yeah, I suspected she knew. I'll tell her. I said, are you gonna tell her that it's wrong and that he's married and that you're married? She said no. I said then why bother? What kind of example are you setting and what good will come from telling her this information? Then she says, if you're planning to do something vindictive just know it will affect more than you and me. I said who? john it will affect both our families and D and SS. that's who. I said, its already affected me and it's already affected them all! what are you talking about? She said: well me too. do you think i set out to do this? if so you're wrong. if you're planning to report me, fine. i did the crime i guess i'll do the f#*@#ng time.
Maybe I should at this point--this sounded like a dare to me--I actually went to talk to a good friend that works in the same building and he's gonna find out who this guy is if he can--he said he can be very discrete--she gave me enough details--he's on leave right now, pcsing in Oct, major or ltcol married to a col. My friend said he would try to find out and be very very discrete as he knows someone in the admin section that takes care of leave and pcs paperwork.
I said, how did it affect you? So far you seem to be the only one doing fine--you're the only one who seems to be having fun
She said:it's not fun. it hurts. it hurts me to have hurt you. it hurts me that we didn't get along. it hurts me that the only person interested in me is someone who doesn't really want me. it hurts that daughter and SS aren't here with me. it hurts me to be alone. it all hurts.
i wish you had stayed your f#$k#$#@ing ass at home.
I said, we didn't not get along all the time--all married people have thier moments--this doesn't mean that it is always bad
She said, how do you think i feel? i have no security whatsoever. i have no future at all.
I said that's your choice, not mine.
She said: i live like a college student one paycheck to the next. i have no hope of ever getting out of debt. I have no one to get old with. you don't think that affects me?
I said, once again, this is your choice.
She said:do you think you can't do any better or something? you can. OMG you are such an awesome person and you deserve someone faithful.
I said, what is done is done, it happened and theres nothing you or I can do about it but we can put it behind us and have us start our life together over if you choose it. Let me decide what I deserve She said: i really don't understand. you have got to be mentally ill. for real, this is not normal for you to still want me. everybody thinks you're crazy. did you tell your family? i told mine and they think i'm a moron.
I said:I don't care what everyone thinks--i don't have to live with everybody and other people w/ opinions will be gone before you know it
She said: john, i'm like a straight hoochie now. i love to flirt and i love attention. i am an addict. you've got some kind of blinders on or something.
I said, what is it going to get you? She said, i don't know. i'm sure you could tell i crave attention.
She said: could you honestly get past all this bullsh$% i've done? I said, YES, I've already forgiven you. I just want to put everything behind us and get on with our life a much better more fulfilling life together my focus is on us now, not all this stupid crap--if you're willing to stop this nonsense and come really work on our marriage then yes
She says: what do you think about me coming back for the first week of Jul for just that week and let's see how that goes? if it goes well, great. if it doesn't i'll leave for my tdy and just come back to this apt.\
I said that's a start. Are you still going to see the OM?
She said, probably but not once i'm there.
I said, thats no good She said, i know. I said, then don't do it
She said, forget it. i'm finished talking.
I said, ok maybe then this is for the best then.
She said, ok. I've got some thinking to do, thanks for your support even tho i don't deserve it.
Whew, sorry for the long post but WTFO???? I hate her so much right now. This is a very sick person that I don't know. I'm gonna have to turn her in as soon as I have the info. I cannot stand the fact that she will probably get ahead at her job because she is sleeping w/ officers. I am so pissed off right now I cannot see straight.
Puppy, Gucci, Hoop I don't think there's much to say about this one. I tried not to put any pressure on, not sure if I was successful. Mostly felt like I was defending my territory at this point. Obviously the OM is still in the picture by her own admission. Thoughts????
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
OK, so let's say she calls you tonight and says she's definitely not coming back...what would your course of action be then? Would you try to change her mind? Finally move on? Turn her in for what she's done?
Good questions. Per DB guidelines, I would not try to change her mind as that would be pursuing, whining, begging, pleading, whatever you want to call it. Yes, I would finally move on. But it's not over till there is a divorce and according to this site, it's not even over then if I don't want it to be. I am still considering if I should turn her in at this point. I would consider if she gets nasty and tries to get custody of my daughter--other than that, I'm not sure at this point.
I guess in a way, I tried to prepare you for the conversation that took place tonight...(And no, I do not know your W...)
I'm sorry your sitch looks like it's not going to turn out the way you had hoped.
But I said it once (or twice) and I'll say it over and over until you believe it: You deserve better...
