The adventure continues--part 5

[AFWAW]

Ok, I had a pretty uneventful day yesterday. I caught myself "hoping" several times and had to focus on something else. So, I went out last night to shoot pool. It was fun for about an hour and then it got old. I stayed for another hour and had another tasty cold beverage and then I was ready to go home. My daughter called while I was out and told me that her choir team won silver medals at her national competition--very proud. And then her phone died. Ok, the wife never told me if she was going to bring daughter home or if she was going back to her apartment. So, I had to call the wife. She said she was bringing D home. Ok, great. She starts making small talk. I listened for a while and then she asks me how my day was. Ok, I was vague as I could be. Then she says, are you at home. Nope, I'm out. Oh, really? Yep, hey, I'm gonna let you go, I'll talk to you later--I'll leave the front door unlocked. Ok, she says. I was very tempted to go over to her apartment again but I did not. She is starting to sound like her old self again--I talked w/ MIL yesterday and she kept saying that she thought this also. She seemed like she was starved for conversation almost--I don't know. I am trying so hard not to get caught up in the "hope trap". Obviously, I want her to come home or I would not be here. It really perplexes me that I can want her back though after she's done what she did. I must really really love this woman. I hope she knows that and chooses wisely.

[PortlandDad]

Lather, rinse, repeat, eh?
Ugly truth about roller-coasters is that they go up and down, but they always come back around to where they began. The fact that she is sounding more like her old self is good, but it also can be deceptive. I've heard from my MIL that my W was sounding more and more "normal" all the time, but that started months ago.

Maybe when your D gets back you can ask her how things went. How your W and D got along might be a good indicator of what is going on. I know when my D went to Germany for a month with the W, they had a pretty crappy time: they hardly talked, D just wanted to come home, W complained the D was frigid toward her, etc. It seemed to portend that she wouldn't be coming home soon.

[AFWAW]

Funny you should ask that. Just talked w/ D and she said her and the wife got along well for the most part. Wife called this morning and told me they didn't get in till 2 am. She's supposed to be over shortly to take D to a hair appointment. I'm in an especially irritable mood because as I've previously stated the weekends give me too much time to think. Hopefully this will all be over soon. Sigh....

[AFWAW]

Ugh, heartache. Will it ever go away? The wife just dropped my D off. They had gone to get their hair done. Wife only stayed for a few minutes. She was about to leave then asked if I wanted a hug. Sure, I do. I didn't ask so yeah, of course I want one. A couple of kisses later and she asked if I wanted to have lunch tomorrow. Ok sounds good, I'll talk to you tomorrow. I sure hope OM is not back in her life. I really, really hate the weekends at this point. Way too much time to think, way to much time. Hope everyone is doing well this weekend.

[AFWAW]

Interesting and now I'm angry just a bit. D told me on the way home from the grocery store that her mom had told her on the trip that she would come home and live with her if she wanted. I don't like the fact that my wife is involving my child in this stringing along game that she's playing. My blood started to boil very quickly. Yes, I want her home but I want her to come home not just for my D but for us and our future together. It's taking all my strength and willpower to focus lately. Most people hate Mondays but I think Sundays are my least favorite day of the week now. When will the damn time speed up?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

The weekends were ALWAYS the worst for me. Nights and weekends.

I do think you need to set a boundary about her involving your daughter in her head games. You should also document stuff like that.

Puppy

[AFWAW]

Just got an email from a good friend in Iraq. He thinks I should run the other way but supports my decision to fight for my marriage. Interesting what he wrote: "You have to see this coming so I have to ask you why are you just looking at the train as it rolls down the hill towards you."

Maybe he's right, but I pray that he is wrong. I'm amazed at our society and it's total disregard with regard to marriage.

I hope that my lunch goes well with my wife today and that she has some good news for me. It seems like it's been a while since she's said divorce. Wish me luck. And I know Gucci, if you're out there, keep it light, no pressure, nada, zilch, be emotionally strong and don't pursue! I'm still reading your posts to me on a daily basis.

[AJM]

Friends say that because they see things differently than we do. Different perspective and they want us to stop hurting. You have to reprogram your friends. Let them know that you need them to listen and not try to fix your situation. They've said what they've said. Thank them profusely and reprogram them.

You know what you want. Go get it and even if it doesn't work out like you hope, you know that you will have done everything you could. You need to have that peace of mind. Your kids deserve to see that from their parents. It'll help them greatly in their relationships.


AJ

[AFWAW]

Thanks AJ,
You're right. It's what I want at this point. And you're right, I'm going to do everything possible to make this happen as I love my wife and want to spend the rest of my life w/ her. I only hope that she has seen what she has done and wants to move forward in a positive, constructive, loving marriage. Peace of mind is a lot harder to attain that I thought. I think this board helps but it is still difficult at times.

[AFWAW]

Just journaling at this point, trying to maintain my sanity. After reviewing my blogs and notes I have regarding the comment my wife made to my daughter about coming home to live with her, something Gucci said to me hit home. My wife and my daughter are both playing me--I need to stay out of it and let them sort thier relationship out. My relationship w/ my D is fine--I didn't run away, my wife did. I have to keep reminding myself of that. So, I was considering breaking one of my rules--that being stay out of conflict between W and D but I'm sticking to the original plan.