T2SP is right. Your son will eventually learn to speak up. He will get tired of being treated poorly by his father and won't care about further abandonment. Let's face it, your son has already been abandoned. We all have hope in the beginning that this is just a phase and that the mlcer will return to his former self. As time goes by, we realize that we deserve to be treated better and we don't care what they think. The kids come to this conclusion too and your son will eventually get there. There is nothing we can do to protect our kids from realizing that there fathers are flawed and that they cannot count on their love and support. It is so sad and I have shed many tears over this, but we make the situation worse by getting involved in their relationship. We can only be there for our children when they need us and give them all the love and support we can.
I have to somewhat agree with some of the stuff braveheart says. A person does need to move forward with their life to be able to let go of some of the pain. Hanging on only brings more unhappiness.
Sugar coating is not the way to go. Sometimes a person needs to have the sting of reality put upon them. I have to keep quiet at time for fear of upsetting people with posting.
Each of us are at different stages in our situations. Each of us handle things differently. I have on occasion battled with a few people on here (some that had come to be good friends) because we saw things differently. When you are standing and fighting for your marriage you tend to sugar coat things for others, when you have decided to move on a person tends to be on the outside looking in and seeing things that others can't.
I have more than once wanted to tell someone to just hang up the towel and move on BUT then that would just be taking away their hope. Some people only have hope to hold onto. If that is what gets them through each day then why take it away? I have to admit there are a few people who tend to take a little longer to see things but sooner or later they will. We work through things at our own pace.
Even though Renee is holding onto hope of her xh waking up one day, I think deep down she knows he has moved on and it is time for her to move on also. She is just doing it at her pace. I have seen some improvement with her. It is slow moving but she is getting there.
Thanks T2SP. I am improving. I have not missed a weekend in a while without going out with friends, I just dont post it here. I have been working around the house and getting things in order. I let things go for so long, I didnt have the heart or engry to want to do anything. That is over now and I look forward to each day. I do however hope my xh wakes up one day and wants to be civil and at least talk to me, like most divorced couples do. His gf is so bitter though, I dont see that happening soon, he is afraid of making her mad. I just dont understand her bitterness toward me, she didnt break us up, he didnt leave me for her. She T2SP, she answered his phone once and said I couldnt talk to him and hung up on me. What would you have done? I dont nothing. At least your h does speak with you and the ow doesnt interfere with that. My xh is controlled by his new gf. He used to answer his phone when we called, but since she moved in, no more of that. Braveheart, I do know what is happening, I am not blind. I have only been at this for 7 months, so yeah, I do hope he wakes up. I do NOT sit around like you think I do. The problem I have with your posts is you assume too much. Maybe this is because that is what you did, mope around for 2 years, I dont know. For one thing, you are not GOD you cant predict what will happen, so in your post when you said HE WOULD NOT BE BACK, well you dont know that. Yes he may not but I am not waiting on him, I am waiting on GOD. Maybe you just dont understand that. I know you are a realist and that is good. I can be too, but GOD is in control, if you let him be. I dont know if you are really happy or not, sounds like you may still be bitter. You have a right to be, but remember your words can hurt and push someone over the edge and you dont want that. You need to tone down just a tad in my opinion. BUT that is just my opinion. I appreciate what you are trying to do. Just tone it down a little so people want think you are so mad in your posts. Well I am off to go to Church.
Thanks T2SP. I am improving. I have not missed a weekend in a while without going out with friends, I just dont post it here. I have been working around the house and getting things in order. I let things go for so long, I didnt have the heart or engry to want to do anything. That is over now and I look forward to each day. I do however hope my xh wakes up one day and wants to be civil and at least talk to me, like most divorced couples do. His gf is so bitter though, I dont see that happening soon, he is afraid of making her mad. I just dont understand her bitterness toward me, she didnt break us up, he didnt leave me for her. She T2SP, she answered his phone once and said I couldnt talk to him and hung up on me. What would you have done? I dont nothing. At least your h does speak with you and the ow doesnt interfere with that. My xh is controlled by his new gf. He used to answer his phone when we called, but since she moved in, no more of that. Braveheart, I do know what is happening, I am not blind. I have only been at this for 7 months, so yeah, I do hope he wakes up. I do NOT sit around like you think I do. The problem I have with your posts is you assume too much. Maybe this is because that is what you did, mope around for 2 years, I dont know. For one thing, you are not GOD you cant predict what will happen, so in your post when you said HE WOULD NOT BE BACK, well you dont know that. Yes he may not but I am not waiting on him, I am waiting on GOD. Maybe you just dont understand that. I know you are a realist and that is good. I can be too, but GOD is in control, if you let him be. I dont know if you are really happy or not, sounds like you may still be bitter. You have a right to be, but remember your words can hurt and push someone over the edge and you dont want that. You need to tone down just a tad in my opinion. BUT that is just my opinion. I appreciate what you are trying to do. Just tone it down a little so people want think you are so mad in your posts. Well I am off to go to Church.
Hugs to Everyone, Renee
Sunshine, you are right, I don't know anything for sure. I can't prove that the sun will not turn into a muffin next Tuesday, so thinking on that basis, anything is possible. You have the right to your opinions and to live your life as you choose. We just don't agree on certain things, and that's fine. I wish you well in your quest.
Hey Renee...I saw my husband tonite he went out with our daughter..took her to the movies and out to eat....I saw him and all I could do was hug him and hold on to him and he hugged me back .felt so good to have his arms around me....funny how before this happened a hug would of been a hug....this was so much more to me....he has never been mean to me and I thank God for that...I just wanted to let you know this..cause I know how you feel....I probably wont see him until the next time they come down/......but maybe by then the Lord will bring him back home...I pray that he does....and so does my daughter she keeps saying the Lord needs to hurry up....I keep telling her all in his timing not ours....
IRMAC that is great! I am glad he is not mean to you. I could imagine how good it must have felt to hold him. I dreamed today, while laying down, that my xh wanted to come home and he also hugged me in my dream. Just hold on to your faith in GOD. Hold on until GOD tells you to let go. I will be praying for you.
I have a question for everyone. It may have been answered in previous posts, I dont remember asking, but my memory is shot. I can hardly remember anything anymore. My question is: Has anyone besides me had NO CONTACT with their h or xh because they refused to acknowledge they are alive? I mean TOTAL DARKNESS! No email, no text...nothing! Do they live in the same town?
I asked this because it seems most of you have some sort of emailing or texing contact with your spouse. I have friends that are divorced and none of them is like this. I feel like I am the only one that is dealing with this.
I know exactly where you are.......i am currently in total darkness with my WAH......he is not even emailing me anymore. he has completely shut me out of his life and has said that he has moved on with OW. We live in the same town......we share a D but all care about her is done through our solicitors. If it makes any difference I share your confusion and pain......
I'm going to tell you my experience with my XH's "No Contact" but I don't think it really means anything because everyone's sitch is different.
My XH went for five months in 2006 with No Contact at all (no texting, e-mails, nada). Prior to NC, he was as mean and obnoxious as it gets. Then, 5 months later, out of the blue he called me late one night. He was crying and so remorseful for everything he had done.
I got several of these late-night phone calls. Our R started improving and I really thought he was coming out of it. Our R did a gradual healing for the next couple of years. But lately he has retreated again. His twice weekly phone calls have dwindled now to about once every two months.
I used to get my hopes up when he called regularly and acted more "normal", but now I don't have any expectations.
